Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and direct with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail. Avoid vague phrasing like "that happens" and make grammar accurate (e.g., use present simple consistently).

例: Yes, I often feel tired. This usually happens when I climb long staircases because they make my legs heavy and my breathing faster, so I need a short rest at the top.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words (for example, "because" or "so"). Correct tense and avoid repetition. Mention a concise recovery action.

例: I usually feel tired after intense gym sessions because I push myself hard and sometimes forget to drink enough water, so my breathing becomes shallow. Therefore, I always take a short break and drink water to recover.

提案: Give a clear direct answer first, then add one specific detail and use linking words (e.g., "then", "after that"). Keep tense consistent and avoid unnecessary repetition.

例: I usually stop exercising and take a 15–20 minute break. After that, I sit down, drink some water, and once I feel recovered I return to the gym to continue my workout.

提案: Answer directly with a short topic sentence (Yes/No), then give one clear reason with correct grammar and avoid long repetitive clauses. Use linking words like "because" and a concise example if needed.

例: No, I don't usually go out with friends when I'm tired because I prefer to rest and I wouldn't enjoy the outing. For example, if I'm exhausted after work I stay home to recharge so I can be energetic the next day.

× I feel tired whenever I go to the gym and after my workouts I don't drink water so my breath usually goes up and it makes me feel very very tired but I had to always drink water and calm myself down.

✓ I feel tired whenever I go to the gym, and after my workouts I don't drink water, so my breath usually rises and it makes me feel very tired, but I always have to drink water and calm myself down.

Third person singular issue: The verb 'goes' when referring to 'breath' is awkward; use 'rises' for breath/heartbeat. Also tense and auxiliary were incorrect: 'had to always drink' should be present 'always have to drink' to match the speaker's routine. Improve punctuation and reduce repetition for clarity.

× Whenever I feel tired during my workout period I take fifteen to twenty minutes break from my whole exercise. I had to always go downstairs to sit down for a while and then rest for that period.

✓ Whenever I feel tired during my workout I take a fifteen to twenty minute break from my exercise. I always have to go downstairs to sit for a while and rest during that time.

Past tense issue: 'I had to always go downstairs' incorrectly uses past tense 'had to' for habitual present. Use present simple 'always have to' for routines. Also adjust noun forms: 'fifteen to twenty minutes break' -> 'a fifteen to twenty minute break'.

× After my resting period and I have recovered I will go back to the training arena

✓ After my rest period and once I have recovered, I will go back to the training arena.

Sentence structure errors: The original mixes clauses incorrectly ('After my resting period and I have recovered'). Use 'and once I have recovered' or 'after I have recovered' to join ideas correctly; also 'resting period' -> 'rest period' is more natural.

× no, I do not go out with my friend whenever I'm tired because whenever I'm tired I need to rest than going out with my friends because I won't even feel very comfortable while I'm outside even though I might be having fun but I won't feel comfortable being tired and stigger out with my friends no so I don't

✓ No, I do not go out with my friends whenever I'm tired because I need to rest rather than go out; I wouldn't feel comfortable outside, even if I might have fun, so I don't go.

Incorrect use of pronouns and other errors: 'my friend' should be 'my friends' to match context. Use 'rather than go out' not 'than going out'. Remove redundant 'whenever I'm tired'. 'Stigger' is not a word; likely intended 'stagger' or 'socialize'; replaced with clear phrasing. Improve punctuation and concision.