Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more concise, natural and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition ("tired" used redundantly), and add a brief illustrative detail with a linking word. Keep to no more than 3–4 sentences.

例: I don't usually feel tired, but I do get exhausted after long laboratory sessions or very busy days. For example, after a full day of experiments I often feel drained, so I take a short nap or go for a walk to recharge.

提案: Correct grammatical errors and streamline phrasing. Use linking words (for example, or because) and provide specific details (how long, what type of experiments, how little sleep). Limit to 2–3 sentences for clarity.

例: I usually feel exhausted after long laboratory sessions because concentrating on delicate experiments for four hours drains my energy. I also feel worn out after exams, because I sometimes stay up for several nights and sleep only a few hours.

提案: Good clear answer with relevant coping strategies. Improve by adding a linking phrase and a brief reason why these help, and avoid listing too many options in one sentence—prefer 2–3 concise sentences.

例: When I feel tired, I usually take a short nap or go for an evening walk on the beach near my college because the fresh air helps me relax. Occasionally I also take a cold shower to feel more alert.

提案: Strong, natural answer with specific detail and reason. To improve further, add a short linking phrase at the start and vary vocabulary slightly (e.g., "classmates" -> "friends") and keep sentences compact.

例: Yes, I usually still go out with my friends even when I'm tired because the fresh air and gentle waves at the nearby beach help me relax. We typically walk along the shore and chat for about an hour, which leaves me feeling refreshed.

× I don't often feel tired, but I get exhausted when I have long laboratory sessions or particularly busy days, because in that case it's too tired.

✓ I don't often feel tired, but I get exhausted when I have long laboratory sessions or particularly busy days, because in those cases I'm too tired.

The phrase 'in that case it's too tired' incorrectly uses 'it' to refer to the speaker and mixes subject reference. Use 'those cases' to refer to plural situations and 'I'm' (I am) rather than 'it's' to refer to oneself. Suggestion: match pronoun and number to the noun and use the correct personal pronoun when referring to yourself.

× I have to work a lot, so I take a short nap, go for a walk.

✓ I have to work a lot, so I take a short nap or go for a walk.

The original uses commas to list actions without a coordinating conjunction, which can create ambiguity about whether both actions happen. Using 'or' clarifies that these are alternative responses to tiredness. Suggestion: use coordinating conjunctions to link alternatives or use 'and' if both actions occur.

× I usually feel exhausted after long laboratory sessions because spending four hours and concentrated and concentrating on delicate experiments drains my energy.

✓ I usually feel exhausted after long laboratory sessions because spending four hours concentrating on delicate experiments drains my energy.

The phrase 'and concentrated and concentrating' is redundant and ungrammatical. Use a single present participle phrase 'concentrating' to show ongoing action. Suggestion: remove repetition and keep one correct -ing form after a time expression.

× I also feel worn out after exams since I often stay up for several nights and go only a few hours of sleep.

✓ I also feel worn out after exams since I often stay up for several nights and get only a few hours of sleep.

The verb 'go' is incorrect with 'sleep' in this context; the correct collocation is 'get' or 'have' a few hours of sleep. 'Go only a few hours of sleep' is ungrammatical. Suggestion: use common collocations like 'get' or 'have' when talking about amounts of sleep.

× When I feel tired, I often take a short nap or go on a walk in the evening at the beach near my college, or I take a cold shower.

✓ When I feel tired, I often take a short nap or go for a walk in the evening on the beach near my college, or I take a cold shower.

Use 'go for a walk' (common collocation) and the correct preposition for location: either 'on the beach' or 'at the beach' is acceptable, but 'go on a walk in the evening at the beach' mixes 'in' and 'at'. Here 'go for a walk in the evening on the beach' is clearer. Suggestion: use standard collocations ('go for a walk') and keep prepositions consistent.

× Yes, even if I feel very tired, I still go out with my classmates to the beach near my college because the fresh air and gentle waves help me relax.

✓ Yes, even if I feel very tired, I still go out with my classmates to the beach near my college because the fresh air and the gentle waves help me relax.

Adding the definite article 'the' before 'gentle waves' makes the noun phrase parallel with 'the fresh air' and refers to the specific waves at that beach. Suggestion: use 'the' when referring to specific, identifiable things in context.

× We usually walk along the shore and chat for an hour, which makes me feel refreshed afterwards.

✓ We usually walk along the shore and chat for an hour, which makes me feel refreshed afterward.

Both 'afterwards' and 'afterward' are correct (British vs American), but keep consistency. 'Afterward' is preferred in American English and avoids sounding redundant. Suggestion: choose one variant based on target dialect; placement of the adverb is correct but standardize spelling.