Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, use one or two supporting details, and avoid repetition. Use correct verb patterns (e.g., "busy studying" not "busy to study"). Include a linking word if adding a reason.

例: Yes, I often feel tired. I study English every day because I want to attend university in Australia, so I spend many hours practising which makes me tired.

提案: Clarify the time and give one or two specific situations. Use correct vocabulary ("schedule" or "day is busy" instead of "screw") and avoid vague phrases like "after something." Keep sentences short and coherent with linking words such as "for example" or "especially."

例: I usually feel tired in the evening, especially after school. For example, after a full day of classes and homework, my schedule is very busy and I feel exhausted.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence about your main action, then add a brief reason. Use correct collocations ("go to bed," "get some sleep") and avoid invented or unclear words like "fadji goo." Limit to two sentences and use a linking word like "because" to connect reason.

例: When I feel tired, I usually go to bed and get some sleep because rest helps me recover quickly. Sometimes I also take a short walk or drink water before sleeping to feel better.

× Yes, I often feel tired because I'm busy to study English every day because I would like to go to the university in Australia.

✓ Yes, I often feel tired because I'm busy studying English every day since I would like to go to a university in Australia.

The phrase 'busy to study' is incorrect; after 'busy' we use the gerund (verb + -ing). Also 'because' was repeated; replace the second 'because' with 'since' for clarity and change 'the university' to 'a university' as the student is not referencing a specific institution. Suggestion: Use 'busy studying' and 'a university' and avoid repeating 'because'.

× So I need to improve my English skill.

✓ So I need to improve my English skills.

'Skill' in this context is generally plural ('skills') because English comprises multiple abilities (listening, speaking, reading, writing). Use the plural to sound natural. Suggestion: Use 'English skills' or be specific: 'my speaking skills'.

× I usually feel tired when I take a bath because my screw is very busy.

✓ I usually feel tired when I take a bath because my schedule is very busy.

The word 'screw' is incorrect and likely a malapropism for 'schedule'. This makes the sentence meaningless. Replace with 'schedule' and keep sentence structure consistent. Suggestion: Use 'schedule' to indicate busy timing.

× So after something, after doing something, I usually feel tired.

✓ After doing things, I usually feel tired.

The phrase 'after something, after doing something' is vague and ungrammatical. Simplify to 'after doing things' or specify the activities. Suggestion: Be specific when possible: 'After studying for a long time, I usually feel tired.'

× So after I often be tired after school

✓ So I am often tired after school.

'Be' is the base form and does not agree with the subject 'I' in present simple; use 'am'. Also word order was incorrect—place the adverb 'often' after the subject or before the main verb: 'I am often tired.' Suggestion: Use correct auxiliary 'am' and natural word order 'I am often tired after school.'

× When I feel tired, I usually usually go to the bed and sleep well because I think sleeping is the best way to take off my fadji goo and I like sleeping so that's why I think so.

✓ When I feel tired, I usually go to bed and sleep well because I think sleeping is the best way to get rid of my fatigue, and I like sleeping, so that's why.

Do not use 'the' before 'bed' in this context; the correct phrase is 'go to bed'. The repetition 'usually usually' is an error. 'Take off my fadji goo' is unintelligible; replace with 'get rid of my fatigue'. Also remove the redundant 'so that's why I think so' to 'so that's why'. Suggestion: Use idiomatic expressions: 'go to bed', 'get rid of my fatigue', and avoid repetition.