Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one brief supporting detail. Avoid repetition ("tired" and "exhausted" convey similar meaning) and keep to a maximum of five sentences. Use a linking phrase if you add a reason or example.

例: Yes, I do. I often feel exhausted after long workdays because I don’t get enough sleep, so I usually rest or take a short nap in the evening.

提案: Give a clear time frame and a concise cause, using linking words to connect ideas. Avoid absolute expressions like "24/7" unless you explain briefly. Provide one specific supporting detail about situations when tiredness occurs.

例: I usually feel tired most mornings and during the afternoon slump, especially since I have low iron, so my energy drops after little activity.

提案: Provide a direct topic sentence about your typical action, then a brief reason and one alternative healthier habit. Use correct verb forms ("lie down", not "lay down") and avoid colloquial phrasing without context.

例: I usually lie down and scroll through TikTok to relax when I’m tired, but sometimes I take a short walk or drink a cup of tea to feel more refreshed.

× I usually just lay down and scroll through Tiktok to avoid being bored.

✓ I usually just lie down and scroll through TikTok to avoid getting bored.

The verb 'lay' requires a direct object (someone lays something). The correct intransitive verb for reclining is 'lie'. Also 'Tiktok' is capitalized as 'TikTok' (brand name). Instead of 'to avoid being bored' use the more natural 'to avoid getting bored'. Overall this fixes verb choice and improves natural phrasing; remember: lie/lay distinction (lie, lay, lain) and capitalize proper nouns.