Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Also correct small grammar issues (e.g., remove duplicated words and use present perfect or simple present consistently).

例: Yes, I often feel tired recently because I have been juggling work and family responsibilities. For example, after work I still need to prepare meals and do house chores, even though my husband helps sometimes, so I usually feel exhausted by evening.

提案: Give a clear, structured response with one topic sentence and specific details. Use linking words (for example, because, so, therefore) and avoid repeating phrases. Include one specific time or routine to make the answer concrete.

例: I usually feel most tired in the early evening when I get home from work, because I still have to cook dinner and look after my child. As a result, I often feel drained by the time the family sits down to eat.

提案: Provide a clear main idea and then give specific activities with correct vocabulary and word forms. Avoid repeating words and use linking words to show sequence (for example, first, then). Replace incorrect forms like 'distress' with 'de-stress' or 'relax'.

例: When I feel tired, I usually rest for a short time and sometimes take a nap. After that, I often relax by browsing social media or watching short videos on my phone to de-stress.

× Lately, I feel so tired because I've been doing a lot of things. I am a mother and as a mother you have to do all the household chores. Likewise, my husband is also helping me in doing household household chores hence still I still I still need to do.

✓ Lately, I have been feeling very tired because I've been doing a lot of things. I am a mother, and as a mother I have to do many household chores. Although my husband helps me with the household chores, I still have a lot to do.

Issues: present tense vs present perfect continuous (6), redundancy/repetition and sentence structure errors (26). 'I feel so tired' is acceptable but 'Lately' with ongoing tiredness is better matched by 'I have been feeling'. Repetition 'household household chores' is redundant. 'As a mother you have to' is informal and inconsistent with 'I'; change to 'I have to'. The connector 'likewise' is unnatural here; 'although' or 'although my husband helps me' shows contrast. Remove repeated 'still I still I still'. Improve sentence flow and parallelism.

× I oftentimes feel tired when I get home from work and after that I still need to juggle my role as a mother and taking care of my child likewise I have to cook and make sure that I prepare a dinner, prepare dinner for my family because we are all tired from work and my children

✓ I often feel tired when I get home from work because I still need to juggle my role as a mother and take care of my child. I also have to cook and prepare dinner for my family because we are all tired from work.

Issues: adverb placement (20) and sentence structure errors (26). 'Oftentimes' is correct but 'I often' is more natural. Use parallel verb forms: 'juggle my role' and 'take care' (not 'and taking care'). Remove the duplicated 'prepare a dinner, prepare dinner'. The original sentence trails off; complete the idea by ending with a full clause. Split into two sentences for clarity.

× I just take a rest, I just sleep and actually I am using phone to distress. I am searching from internet, browsing the social media media.

✓ I just rest and sleep, and I use my phone to de-stress. I search the internet and browse social media.

Issues: verb + -ing and word choice (8), article errors (22), redundancy. 'Take a rest' is acceptable but more natural as 'rest'. 'Using phone to distress' is incorrect word choice: 'de-stress' means relax. Include the possessive 'my phone'. 'Searching from internet' should be 'search the internet' and 'social media media' repeats 'media'. Use parallel simple present verbs for habitual actions.