Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “No, I don’t often feel tired.”), then give one specific reason and a brief consequence using linking words. Avoid repeating synonyms (mornings/AMs) and unnecessary phrases like “To answer your question.” Keep answers within 2–3 sentences.

例: No, I don’t often feel tired. However, if I drink too much coffee in the morning, I usually get a caffeine crash in the afternoon, which makes me feel very exhausted.

提案: Give a direct time reference and describe the feeling with one clear, natural phrase. Use a linking word to connect time and result. Avoid exaggerations like “enter a coma” — choose realistic expressions. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: I usually feel tired in the mid-afternoon, around 3 PM, when I experience a caffeine and sugar crash while working. At that time I feel very sleepy and find it hard to concentrate.

提案: Organize your answer with a clear topic sentence stating what you do, then list 2–3 specific habits with brief explanations and linking words. Fix unclear phrases (e.g., “subchains of my whole morning routine”, “hair fast and steady”) to natural expressions. Avoid fragments and keep language accurate and relevant.

例: To avoid afternoon tiredness, I follow a set morning routine. For example, I meditate for ten minutes, write in my journal to clear my mind, and do some yoga; these habits help me stay calm and maintain steady energy throughout the day.

× To answer your question, no, I don't often feel tired, but the moments I feel tired are when I drink excessive coffee during the mornings, during the AMs, and then I experience a sugar or caffeine crash during my afternoons and that leads me to feeling extremely tired.

✓ To answer your question, no, I don't often feel tired, but the moments I feel tired are when I drink excessive coffee in the morning and then experience a sugar or caffeine crash in the afternoon, which makes me feel extremely tired.

Use of definite/indefinite articles and time expressions: 'during the mornings/during the AMs' and 'during my afternoons' are awkward and redundant. Use 'in the morning' and 'in the afternoon' for general habitual times. Also replace 'that leads me to feeling' with 'which makes me feel' for grammatical clarity and natural phrasing.

× I've started getting my sugar caffeine crash during my afternoons when I'm actually working on my job.

✓ I've started getting a sugar or caffeine crash in the afternoons when I'm working at my job.

'My sugar caffeine crash' is unnatural; use 'a sugar or caffeine crash'. Use 'in the afternoons' for habitual time. 'Working on my job' is incorrect — use 'working at my job' or simply 'working'.

× The timing must be three PM and I actually feel like I'm about to enter a coma.

✓ The timing is usually around three PM, and I actually feel like I'm about to fall into a coma.

'Must be three PM' is inappropriate for habitual timing; 'is usually around three PM' is better. 'Enter a coma' is a bit strong and awkward in this context; 'fall into a coma' is the usual collocation, but consider milder phrasing like 'feel very drowsy'.

× That's the feeling that I get when I experience this tiredness.

✓ That's the feeling I get when I experience that tiredness.

Redundant relative pronoun 'that' after 'feeling' can be omitted for conciseness: 'the feeling I get'. Also 'this tiredness' vs 'that tiredness' — 'that' matches previous reference better.

× subchains of my whole morning routine and set it up for myself in a way where I would not be needing caffeine to survive the whole day.

✓ I break my whole morning routine into smaller parts and set it up so that I don't need caffeine to get through the day.

Original begins with a lowercase fragment and lacks a clear subject and verb. 'Subchains' is incorrect in this context; 'break into smaller parts' or 'subdivide' is appropriate. 'Would not be needing' is incorrect modal/tense; use 'don't need' for habitual present. 'To survive the whole day' is informal; 'to get through the day' is more natural.

× I start my day with a ten minutes meditation and some journaling.

✓ I start my day with a ten-minute meditation and some journaling.

'Ten minutes meditation' needs the adjective form 'ten-minute' (hyphenated) and singular 'meditation'. Ensure correct compound adjective form.

× This is going to keep me hair fast and steady and then I do some yoga.

✓ This keeps me calm and steady, and then I do some yoga.

'Keep me hair fast' is nonsensical and likely a mischoice of words. 'Calm and steady' fits the intended meaning. Also use simple present 'keeps' to match habitual routine rather than 'is going to keep' which implies future.