Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve sentence clarity and structure: start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then add one or two concise supporting details. Use correct tense and punctuation, and avoid run-on sentences. Include a linking phrase (e.g., "because" or "since") to connect reason and result.

例: Yes, I do feel tired quite often since I started working as a bedside nurse. Because my shifts are long and emotionally demanding, I sometimes sleep for as long as fifteen hours to recover, which has never happened before.

提案: Clarify and organize the response: begin with a direct answer (when), then give specific reasons using correct vocabulary and linking words. Avoid repeating phrases and correct word choice (e.g., "patients" not "Patience"). Keep to two or three sentences max.

例: I usually feel exhausted immediately after my shifts. This is because caring for many patients is both physically tiring and emotionally draining, especially since this is my first job as a bedside nurse.

提案: Make the answer more concise and logically ordered: start with your usual immediate action, then use a linking phrase (e.g., "If I have the day off") to introduce alternative activities. Use correct verb forms and avoid vague phrases like "indulge myself" — specify the activity.

例: I usually take a quick shower and lie down to rest. If I have the day off, I either watch variety shows or go for a run to relieve stress physically, and sometimes I treat myself to a nice meal or a relaxing hobby.

× Ever since I started working as a bedside nurse I feel tired most of the time it was my first time to sleep for fifteen hours throughout my life.

✓ Ever since I started working as a bedside nurse, I have felt tired most of the time; it was the first time I slept for fifteen hours in my life.

This sentence has run-on and tense consistency issues (Grammar IDs 6 and 26). 'Ever since' requires present perfect ('have felt') to show a state continuing to the present. The clause about sleeping is an independent idea and needs proper punctuation and the correct past tense form 'slept' and idiomatic expression 'in my life'. Suggest splitting into two clauses or using a semicolon and using present perfect for ongoing states and simple past for a completed event. Grammar problem type ID: 6 & 26

× I've never experienced that even when I took melatonin pills.

✓ I've never experienced that, even when I took melatonin pills.

The sentence needed a comma for clarity. Tense use is acceptable: present perfect 'I've never experienced' for life experience and simple past 'took' for a specific past action. Ensure punctuation to separate clauses. Grammar problem type ID: 5

× I most of the time I feel exhausted right after my shift because since it's Berman's the Patience just became a lot and it was emotionally and mentally draining because it was my first it is my first time to experience

✓ Most of the time I feel exhausted right after my shift because the patients at Berman's have increased, and it is emotionally and mentally draining; this is my first time experiencing it.

Multiple issues: redundant phrases and run-on structure (Grammar ID 26), incorrect noun capitalization and word choice ('Patience' should be 'patients'), and awkward tense/phrase 'it was my first it is my first time to experience'. Use present simple 'feel' for habitual action, present perfect or present simple 'have increased' for a continuing situation, and 'this is my first time experiencing it' for clarity. Also fix capitalization and word choice. Grammar problem type ID: 26

× I immediately take a shower then lay on bed, although if it's my off I watch some variety shows or go for a run or jog just so I can take stress out of my body physically and sometimes I indulge myself

✓ I immediately take a shower, then lie on the bed. If it's my day off, I watch variety shows or go for a run or jog to relieve stress physically, and sometimes I indulge myself.

Multiple issues: wrong verb form 'lay' (should be intransitive 'lie') (Grammar ID 8), missing article 'the' before 'bed' (Grammar ID 17/22), awkward phrasing 'if it's my off' should be 'if it's my day off' (Grammar ID 11/22), and word choice 'take stress out of my body' is non-idiomatic; use 'relieve stress'. Also punctuation needed to separate ideas. Suggestions: use correct verb 'lie', include articles, and use idiomatic verbs like 'relieve' or 'reduce'. Grammar problem type ID: 8 & 17