Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more natural and concise. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one clear condition with a brief example. Use correct tense (present simple or present perfect) and avoid repetition.

例: I don’t often feel tired. However, if I work or study for much longer than usual, I get tired during the day. For example, after an intense day of classes and assignments I usually feel exhausted.

提案: Open with a clear topic sentence and use linking words to connect condition and example. Remove redundant phrases like “usually used to” and unnecessary words like “obviously.” Be specific about timing or frequency.

例: I feel tired when I work longer hours or study much more than normal. For instance, if I have a long lecture followed by several hours of revision, I often feel very tired the next day.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence then list two or three short, specific actions using linking words. Correct vocabulary (e.g. “drink plenty of water”) and grammar, and avoid repeated connectors like “additionally.” Keep it within three to four short sentences.

例: When I feel tired, I usually take a short nap of fifteen to twenty minutes to recharge. I also drink plenty of water to stay hydrated and sometimes watch a favourite movie to relax.

× Usually I don't feel tired but sometimes if I had worked a lot and I studied a more than more amount of time than I used to, then obviously I feel tired in the day

✓ Usually I don't feel tired, but sometimes if I have worked a lot and studied more than I used to, then I obviously feel tired during the day

The original sentence mixes past conditional 'if I had worked' (past perfect) with present/future result, which is incorrect. Use present perfect 'have worked' to refer to past actions that affect the present. Also 'a more than more amount of time than I used to' is redundant and ungrammatical; simplify to 'studied more than I used to'. Replace 'in the day' with idiomatic 'during the day'. Suggestion: use present perfect for recent actions affecting current states and simplify redundant phrases.

× Usually when I have worked longer hours than usual or studied a lot more than I usually used to. For example, taking a long class and doing revision at home obviously makes me tired the next day.

✓ Usually I feel tired when I have worked longer hours than usual or studied a lot more than I usually do. For example, taking a long class and doing revision at home obviously makes me tired the next day.

The first original fragment was a sentence fragment ('Usually when I have...') without a main clause; it needs a main verb like 'I feel tired'. Also 'I usually used to' mixes past habit 'used to' with present habitual context; use present simple 'I usually do' or simply 'I usually'. Keep 'have worked' (present perfect) to indicate recent work affecting current tiredness. Suggestion: ensure each sentence has a subject and main verb and use present simple for current habitual actions.

× When I feel tired, I usually take a nap of fifteen to twenty minutes on the additionally sometimes I watch my favourite movies or drama and additionally I drink all out of water to stay hydrated and

✓ When I feel tired, I usually take a fifteen- to twenty-minute nap. Additionally, sometimes I watch my favourite movies or dramas, and I drink plenty of water to stay hydrated.

Original has multiple structure problems: 'take a nap of fifteen to twenty minutes' is awkward—use 'a fifteen- to twenty-minute nap.' Phrases 'on the additionally' and duplicate 'additionally' are incorrect and redundant. 'Movies or drama' should be plural 'dramas' or 'a drama' depending on meaning. 'Drink all out of water' is incorrect; correct is 'drink plenty of water.' The sentence also ended with 'and' leaving it incomplete. Suggestions: break into clear sentences, remove redundant connectors, use correct quantifier 'plenty of' for water, and ensure sentences finish properly.