Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Ответ хороший по содержанию, но есть повторения и небольшие ошибки в грамматике и формулировке. Нужно избавиться от тавтологии (например, «that was really difficult to me for me»), улучшить связность и упростить структуру. Также стоит использовать более естественные выражения времени и привычек (например, «I managed my time better» вместо «I managed to plan my time and free time activities and things that I must do»). Максимальная длина — до 4–5 предложений; следите за согласованием времен и избегайте лишних слов.

例: No, not often. I plan my work and free time now, so I rarely feel tired. However, I used to be very tired during college because I was studying, working and training for dance competitions at the same time, which was exhausting.

提案: Ответ понятен, но сильно мешают повторы («because of because of because of») и нечеткая структура. Фразы вроде «I cannot manage to control my mental issues» звучат громоздко — лучше конкретизировать причины усталости и использовать связующие слова (for example, "when I fail to finish my tasks, I feel stressed and exhausted"). Сократите количество слов-паразитов и исправьте согласование времён.

例: I usually feel tired when I can't finish everything I planned, because that makes me feel stressed and overwhelmed. For example, if I miss deadlines at work, I start to worry and lose energy.

提案: Хорошая идея ответа, но присутствуют разговорные паразиты («uh») и неформальные слова, которые можно заменить более уместными фразами. Уточните предпочтения и добавьте связку (for example, "usually I rest at home or sometimes I go out with a friend"). Избегайте фразы «I just don't do anything» — лучше сказать «I usually rest» или «I try to relax».

例: Usually I try to rest at home, scrolling social media or watching a movie to relax. Alternatively, my best friend sometimes persuades me to go out, and spending time with her helps me forget my worries and recharge.

× Nowadays, I would say no because I managed to plan my time and free time activities and things that I must do.

✓ Nowadays, I would say no because I have managed to plan my time and my free-time activities and the things that I must do.

The original sentence uses 'managed' which is simple past; 'nowadays' indicates a present relevance so present perfect 'have managed' is more appropriate to show a past action with present result. Also add 'my' before 'free-time activities' and 'the' before 'things' for clarity. Suggestion: Use present perfect when a past action affects the present (I have managed...). Use possessive determiners for clarity ('my free-time activities').

× But I used to be tired a lot during my college years when I had to work, study and participate in dance competitions with my team.

✓ But I used to be very tired a lot during my college years when I had to work, study, and participate in dance competitions with my team.

The phrase 'used to' already indicates past habit; 'tired a lot' is awkward — 'very tired a lot' or better 'often very tired'. Keep past tense 'had to' and 'participate' consistent. Suggestion: Replace awkward modifiers with 'often' or 'very' to improve naturalness.

× That was really difficult to me for me.

✓ That was really difficult for me.

Redundant and incorrect word order: 'difficult to me for me' repeats 'me' and uses wrong preposition. Correct pattern is 'difficult for someone'. Suggestion: Use 'difficult for me' and avoid duplicate objects.

× I usually would feel tired when I am not able to do all the things I had planned for myself because of because because of that tend to that I just feel a lot of pressure and I cannot manage to control my mental issues.

✓ I usually feel tired when I am not able to do all the things I have planned for myself because of that I tend to feel a lot of pressure and I cannot manage to control my mental issues.

Mixed tenses and repetitions: 'usually would feel' is unnecessary; use simple present 'usually feel' for habitual actions. 'I had planned' (past) should be 'I have planned' because plans still relevant. Remove repeated 'because of'. 'tend to that I just feel' is ungrammatical; use 'tend to feel'. Suggestion: Use consistent present tense for habitual situations and avoid word repetitions.

× That's why I feel exhausted.

✓ That's why I feel exhausted.

Sentence is grammatically correct. It matches present explanation and needs no change.

× Mostly I just don't do anything, I prefer to scroll Instagram or Tiktok, uh or watch a movie.

✓ Mostly I just don't do anything; I prefer to scroll through Instagram or TikTok, or watch a movie.

Minor issues: add 'through' after 'scroll' and capitalize 'TikTok'. Use semicolon or period to separate clauses. Suggestion: Use 'scroll through' with the platform names capitalized and punctuation to separate ideas.

× But sometimes my best friend makes me go out with her and just have fun to forget everything what is going on in my life.

✓ But sometimes my best friend makes me go out with her and just have fun to forget everything that is going on in my life.

Incorrect relative clause: use 'that' or 'what' depending on structure; here 'that is going on' is correct. 'Makes me go out' is correct causative. Suggestion: Replace 'what' with 'that' to form a correct relative clause.

× So this is another option.

✓ So this is another option.

This sentence is acceptable as a concluding remark and fits context, no change needed.