Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify timing and correct grammar; keep answer natural and concise. Say a clear topic sentence, then one or two supporting details with linking words. Correct verb forms and avoid confusing times (4:00 PM is unlikely for bedtime).

例: No, I don't often feel tired because I usually get enough sleep. For example, I go to bed around 11:00 PM and avoid using my phone an hour before sleeping, so I wake up feeling refreshed.

提案: Make the reason clear and use correct tense and vocabulary. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add specific circumstances and a brief explanation using linking words like 'when' or 'because'.

例: I usually feel tired when I finish a long, demanding workday because concentrating for many hours drains me. At that time I prefer to rest and clear my mind so I can recover.

提案: Organize actions in logical order and use natural phrases. Use present simple for routines and include linking words like 'first' or 'then'. Be specific about activities and correct collocations (e.g., 'take a break', 'go for a walk', 'grab a coffee').

例: When I feel tired, I usually take a short break first. Then I go for a walk away from my desk and sometimes grab a coffee at a nearby café to help me relax and feel refreshed.

× I want using my phone before break so I wake up feeling refreshed.

✓ I avoid using my phone before bed so I wake up feeling refreshed.

The original uses 'want using' which is incorrect verb pattern. After 'want' a full infinitive ('to use') is expected, or use 'avoid' + verb+ing. Also 'break' is inappropriate for bedtime context; 'bed' fits. Suggestion: use 'avoid using' or 'I don't use my phone before bed.'

× Normally I feel tired when I got the overall for my straight up work and that time I would like to keep a relax and clear my mind to help me.

✓ Normally I feel tired when I get overwhelmed by my straight work, and at that time I like to relax and clear my mind to help myself.

The original mixes past 'got' with present habitual 'normally I feel'. Use present simple 'get' for habitual actions. 'Got the overall for my straight up work' is unclear; 'get overwhelmed by my work' conveys intended meaning. 'Keep a relax' is ungrammatical; use 'relax' (verb) or 'be relaxed' and 'help me' should be 'help myself' for reflexive action.

× Normally I give my mind to relax with the effort I go for, walk off my desk and I like to find the coffee or the cafe to help me relax and refreshing.

✓ Normally I try to clear my mind and relax by taking a walk away from my desk, and I like to get coffee or go to a cafe to help me relax and feel refreshed.

The phrase 'give my mind to relax' is awkward; use 'clear my mind' or 'try to relax'. 'With the effort I go for' is incorrect; 'by taking a walk' expresses means. 'Walk off my desk' should be 'walk away from my desk.' 'Find the coffee or the cafe' is unnatural; use 'get coffee' or 'go to a cafe.' 'Relaxing and refreshing' needs parallel structure: 'relax and feel refreshed.' Prepositions corrected for clarity and idiomatic usage.