Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid hesitation. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific supporting detail and finish with a brief comment about how often. Use linking words to improve flow.

例: Yes, I do sometimes. For example, by Thursday or Friday I often feel worn out after four consecutive workdays, so I try to relax and avoid thinking about emails or meetings.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, then add one specific example and a reason using a linking word. Avoid repetition and choose more precise vocabulary (e.g., unproductive rather than unuseful).

例: I usually feel tired after work, particularly following long meetings. For instance, when discussions are repetitive and unproductive, I find them mentally draining because they waste time and energy.

提案: Begin with a clear statement about your typical actions, then list two specific strategies with linking words and a brief result. Keep sentences natural and avoid mixing pronouns (use I consistently).

例: When I feel tired, I usually take short breaks. For example, I look out of the window and listen to relaxing music; sometimes I also take a 20–30 minute nap, and afterwards I feel much more energized.

× I. I try to relax and don't think about work.

✓ I try to relax and not think about work.

The original contains an incorrect sentence boundary and an awkward coordination: 'I. I try...' splits the sentence incorrectly and 'don't think' should be parallel with 'try' using 'to' (infinitive) for parallelism. Use 'try to relax and not think' to make verbs parallel and remove the stray period.

× I feel tired after work, especially after long meetings and long debates.

✓ I feel tired after work, especially after long meetings and long discussions.

The word 'debates' suggests formal arguing; in workplace context 'discussions' is more natural. This is a word choice suggestion related to present-tense description; the present tense itself is fine, but improving vocabulary fits the context.

× Talking a lot about unuseful and unproductive topic makes me very tired.

✓ Talking a lot about useless and unproductive topics makes me very tired.

'Unuseful' is not standard English; use 'useless'. Also 'topic' should be plural 'topics' to agree with 'talking a lot about' (general plural reference). This fixes adjective choice and a singular/plural mismatch.

× Whenever you feel tired, I often look out of the window and listen to relaxing music.

✓ Whenever I feel tired, I often look out of the window and listen to relaxing music.

The original uses 'you' incorrectly when the student should speak about their own experience; pronoun must be 'I'. Using 'you' changes meaning and causes pronoun reference error.