Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you often feel tired, then give two specific reasons and two clear coping strategies using linking words. Avoid repetition and filler words, and use correct verb forms and articles.

例: Yes, I often feel tired, especially when I have a heavy workload. For example, long study sessions make my brain feel slow, so I usually listen to calm music to relax. In addition, I sometimes spend time with my parents because chatting with them helps me feel supported and less stressed.

提案: Answer directly with a clear time or situation, then explain why and what you do, using correct tense and sentence structure. Use one or two linking words (for example, because or so) and avoid repeating phrases.

例: I usually feel tired after long periods of work or studying. Because I often work for several hours without a break, my energy drops, so I go to bed or take a short nap to recover. After resting for about 20–30 minutes, I usually feel much better.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence about your main strategies, then give specific details and link them logically. Use correct verb forms and more varied vocabulary (e.g., relax, unwind, recharge) and avoid repeating words.

例: When I feel tired, I usually listen to soothing music to relax and clear my mind. Also, I spend time with my parents because talking to them helps me unwind and regain energy. These activities help me recharge quickly so I can continue with my day.

× When I often feel tired, firstly I listen music because sometime I'm tired, my brain is not working, I'm working and I am going in depression because there are many things depressed me.

✓ When I often feel tired, first I listen to music because sometimes I'm tired, my brain is not working, I am overworked and I become depressed because many things depress me.

This sentence has several pronoun and related issues: incorrect reflexive/subject forms and awkward pronoun references (Incorrect use of pronouns - ID 12). 'Listen music' requires the preposition to with 'listen to' (related to preposition use but mainly affects verb pattern), 'sometime' should be 'sometimes' (adverb). 'I'm working' is unclear; use 'I am overworked' to express cause. 'I am going in depression' is incorrect; say 'I become depressed'. 'there are many things depressed me' mixes structures; correct is 'many things depress me'. Suggestion: simplify clauses, keep consistent subjects, and use correct verb patterns with pronouns and verbs.

× So that reason firstly I listen music and sometime sometime I spend time with my parents.

✓ For that reason, first I listen to music and sometimes I spend time with my parents.

This sentence contains preposition errors (ID 11). 'So that reason' should be 'For that reason'. 'Listen music' must be 'listen to music'. Also correct 'sometime sometime' to 'sometimes'. Suggestion: use 'for that reason' to introduce cause and remember the verb 'listen' requires the preposition 'to' before its object.

× So parents uh, parent are good options.

✓ So parents are a good option.

This has pronoun/number mismatch and article problems (ID 12 and relates to 22). 'parent are' is incorrect; use 'parents are'. 'good options' is plural while 'a good option' matches the singular sense when referring to spending time with parents as one option. Better: 'Parents are a good option.' Suggestion: ensure subject and predicate agree in number and use articles appropriately.

× When I would feel tired firstly I going to the bed and take a rest because I feel tired because sometime I working working more so that reason I going to bed and after some time rest I take feel better.

✓ When I feel tired, I first go to bed and rest because sometimes I work too much; for that reason I go to bed and after resting for a while I feel better.

This sentence incorrectly uses conditional/future marker 'would' (ID 7) and incorrect verb forms. Use present simple 'When I feel tired' to describe habitual actions (ID 6). 'I going to the bed' should be 'I go to bed' (verb form and article). 'sometime I working working more' should be 'sometimes I work too much'. 'after some time rest I take feel better' is ungrammatical—use 'after resting for a while I feel better'. Suggestion: Use present simple for habitual routines, correct verb forms and word order, and use 'rest' as a verb or gerund appropriately.

× When I would feel tired firstly I going to the bed and take a rest because I feel tired because sometime I working working more so that reason I going to bed and after some time rest I take feel better.

✓ When I feel tired, I first go to bed and rest because sometimes I work too much; for that reason I go to bed and after resting for a while I feel better.

This focuses on incorrect use of -ing forms (ID 8). 'I going to the bed' should be 'I go to bed' (not a gerund). 'after some time rest' should use gerund 'after resting'. 'I take feel better' is incorrect; use 'I feel better'. Suggestion: use '-ing' forms only where a gerund or present participle is required (e.g., 'after resting'), and use base verb forms for habitual actions ('I go').

× When I feel tired, firstly I listen music, so music relaxed me and calm my mind and secondly I spend time with my parents.

✓ When I feel tired, first I listen to music because music relaxes me and calms my mind, and second I spend time with my parents.

This sentence has present tense agreement problems (ID 6). 'listen music' needs 'listen to'. 'music relaxed me and calm my mind' mixes past and base forms; use present simple 'music relaxes me and calms my mind' to describe habitual effects. Also prefer 'first' and 'second' for sequence. Suggestion: keep present simple for habitual statements and ensure subject-verb agreement in present ('music' -> 'relaxes', 'calms').

× Parents are good options for for feeling free from tiredness.

✓ Parents are a good option for relieving tiredness.

This repeats pronoun/number and article issues (ID 12). 'good options' vs 'a good option' and the preposition phrase is awkward. 'for for' has duplication. Better: 'Parents are a good option for relieving tiredness' or 'spending time with my parents helps me feel less tired.' Suggestion: choose correct article and use a gerund ('relieving') after 'for' to express purpose.