Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatical. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases. For example, say when it happens and why it happens, in 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I often feel tired, especially in the afternoon after finishing my morning work. For example, I usually feel drowsy because I haven’t had a proper break and I’ve been focusing for several hours, so I struggle to stay alert.

提案: Organize your answer: give a clear topic sentence, then two specific reasons linked with connectors (for example, because / also). Use correct tense and vocabulary (e.g., ‘starchy food’ not ‘starch’). Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: I usually feel tired in the afternoon, especially after lunch. This happens because I often eat starchy foods that make me sleepy, and also because I do a lot of physical or concentrated work in the morning which leaves me exhausted.

提案: Be natural and specific: start with a topic sentence describing your typical actions, then give 1–2 specific examples with linking words. Use correct collocations (e.g., ‘freshen myself up’, ‘take a nap’), and avoid unclear phrases like ‘take a nap on a phone’.

例: When I feel tired, I usually try to freshen up quickly. For instance, if I’m working I’ll have a cup of coffee or tea to wake myself up, but at home I prefer to take a short nap for about 20–30 minutes to recover.

× Yes, I often feel tired, especially in the afternoon I finished menu work.

✓ Yes, I often feel tired, especially in the afternoon after I finish my main work.

The original sentence has run-on structure and incorrect word choice ('menu' should be 'main' or 'menial'); tense and sequence require present simple for habitual action: 'after I finish my main work.' Use a subordinating phrase 'after' to connect clauses correctly. Suggestion: separate clauses with 'after' and use correct noun 'main work' or 'my work'. Use present simple for habitual actions.

× And and a few sleepy have no sound No stress to work to continue my work.

✓ Sometimes I feel very sleepy and cannot continue working because I have no energy and no motivation.

Original contains repeated conjunction 'and and', missing verbs and unclear fragments. This is a sentence structure and conjunction misuse. Rewriting into a coherent sentence with subject, verbs and conjunction 'and' correctly placed fixes the problem. Suggestion: combine ideas with 'and' or 'because' and include verbs like 'cannot continue'.

× I I feel tired.

✓ I feel tired.

The sentence contains an unnecessary repeated subject 'I I'. Remove the duplicate to form a correct simple sentence. Suggestion: proofread for accidental repetitions.

× I often feel tired in the afternoon, especially after lunch maybe one reason is I will I ate some starch in my meal which makes me which makes me sleepy.

✓ I often feel tired in the afternoon, especially after lunch. One reason may be that I ate starchy foods in my meal, which make me sleepy.

Multiple issues: run-on sentence, incorrect modal and tense ('may be' preferred to 'maybe one reason is'), and 'starch' should be 'starchy foods.' Use past simple 'ate' for the meal, and relative clause 'which make me sleepy' (plural subject 'starchy foods' requires 'make'). Suggestion: split into two sentences and use 'may be that' + correct noun/adjective and subject-verb agreement.

× The other reason is that after hard work in the morning I ran the Ah.

✓ The other reason is that after hard work in the morning I feel exhausted.

Original ends with unclear fragment 'I ran the Ah.' Likely meant 'I feel exhausted' or 'I get tired.' This is a sentence structure and word choice error. Replace unclear phrase with a clear verb phrase 'I feel exhausted' to convey meaning.

× The amazing things can be do when I'm very tired.

✓ There are a few useful things I can do when I'm very tired.

Word order and verb form are incorrect ('can be do'). Use natural subject-verb order and the modal 'can' with base verb 'do' (e.g., 'I can do'). Also add quantifier 'a few useful things' for clarity.

× If I'm working, I usually drink a coffee or tea to fresh myself.

✓ If I'm working, I usually drink coffee or tea to refresh myself.

Use uncountable 'coffee' (no article) when speaking generally. Verb 'fresh' is incorrect; use 'refresh' (verb). Also 'refresh myself' is the correct reflexive verb. Suggestion: use 'drink coffee or tea' and 'refresh myself'.

× But if I'm at home or there's nothing to be worried, there's nothing to be done.

✓ But if I'm at home and there is nothing to worry about and nothing to do,

Original uses incorrect passive-like phrases 'nothing to be worried' and 'nothing to be done.' Use active infinitive structures: 'nothing to worry about' and 'nothing to do.' Also use 'and' to link conditions. Suggestion: say 'nothing to worry about and nothing to do.'

× I can take a nap on a phone.

✓ I can take a nap on my phone.

Preposition usage and possessive missing: 'on a phone' is odd; likely means 'on my phone' (watching something) or 'take a nap with my phone' but better 'take a nap' without device. If meaning 'using phone', use 'on my phone.' Suggestion: remove device or use correct possessive 'my'.