Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your answer more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No and frequency), then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid repeating the same idea about flexible hours. Use simpler sentence structures and correct small grammar issues (e.g., "I can increase my hours" -> "I sometimes work longer hours").

例: Yes, I often feel tired because I sometimes work long hours from home. For example, since my job is online I can extend my shifts in the evening, and that makes me feel drained the next day. However, I usually try to change my schedule to get more rest when possible.

提案: Answer with a clear topic sentence describing specific situations, then give a single supporting example with linking words. Correct small grammar (e.g., "every Tuesdays" -> "every Tuesday"). Be precise about timing and cause-effect (e.g., long hours + long commute = tired).

例: I usually feel most tired after a long workday followed by an early start the next morning. For example, every Tuesday I work in the office and have a two-hour commute, so I often feel exhausted the following day because of the travel and extra hours.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and combine related points to avoid repetition. Use linking words to show result and avoid saying the same effect twice (alert vs relaxed). You could mention one alternative strategy to show range. Use varied vocabulary (e.g., "perk me up", "recharge").

例: When I'm tired, I usually have a cup of coffee to perk me up because it makes me feel more alert and improves my mood. If I'm still tired later, I might take a short walk or a 20-minute nap to recharge.

× I really feel tired because currently my work is online and I can manage my schedule, thus I can work when I want to, I can increase my hours and when I feel tired I can reduce or reschedule my shift.

✓ I really feel tired because my work is currently online and I can manage my schedule. Thus, I can work when I want, increase my hours, and when I feel tired I can reduce or reschedule my shifts.

Errors: awkward word order ('currently my work is online' -> 'my work is currently online'), run-on sentence and inconsistent plural ('shift' -> 'shifts'). Suggestions: place adverbs (currently) next to the verb phrase, split long sentence into two for clarity, use parallel structure for the list of abilities, and use plural 'shifts' for general recurring work periods.

× I might feel tired after working for long hours and I have to get up early in the following morning.

✓ I might feel tired after working long hours and having to get up early the next morning.

Errors: redundant preposition 'in the following morning' is incorrect; use 'the next morning'. Also combine linked ideas with gerund for smoothness: 'after working long hours and having to get up early.' Suggestion: use 'the next morning' and prefer shorter, natural phrasing.

× For example, in my schedule I have to work in the office every Tuesdays.

✓ For example, in my schedule I have to work in the office every Tuesday.

Error: plural form 'Tuesdays' is incorrect after 'every'. After 'every' use singular: 'every Tuesday'. Suggestion: use singular day names with 'every' to indicate repetition.

× Therefore I feel exhausted in the next day because on Tuesdays I need to take two hours for commute.

✓ Therefore I feel exhausted the next day because on Tuesdays I need to spend two hours commuting.

Errors: 'in the next day' is unidiomatic; use 'the next day'. 'Take two hours for commute' is awkward; use 'spend two hours commuting.' Suggestion: use natural collocations ('spend time', 'commuting') and correct adverbial phrase placement.

× When I feel exhausted, I like to take a cup of coffee.

✓ When I feel exhausted, I like to have a cup of coffee.

Error: 'take a cup of coffee' is understandable but non-idiomatic in this context; native speakers say 'have a cup of coffee.' Suggestion: use common collocations like 'have a cup of coffee' or 'drink a cup of coffee.'

× Coffee gives me a boost and I feel more alert.

✓ Coffee gives me a boost and makes me feel more alert.

Error: repetitive subject 'I' makes sentence slightly choppy. Better to combine: 'gives me a boost and makes me feel more alert.' Suggestion: use parallel predicates and avoid unnecessary repetition of the subject for smoother sentences.

× What's more, coffee changes my mood positively.

✓ What's more, coffee improves my mood.

Error: 'changes my mood positively' is wordy and less natural. Use the collocation 'improves my mood.' Suggestion: prefer concise, natural verbs for common expressions.

× It makes me more relaxed.

✓ It makes me feel more relaxed.

Error: 'makes me more relaxed' is acceptable but 'makes me feel more relaxed' is more natural following previous sentence. Suggestion: use 'feel' to describe internal states for clearer expression.