Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more concise, start with a clear topic sentence, and avoid repetition. Add one specific example or frequency to make it more concrete, and use a linking phrase to connect physical and emotional tiredness.

例: Yes, I often feel tired, especially after long workdays. For example, after a 12-hour shift I feel physically exhausted and emotionally drained, because constant patient care wears me out.

提案: Begin with a direct topic sentence, avoid repeating words, and organise details with linking words (for example, because, so). Be specific about what makes you tired and finish the sentence clearly.

例: I feel most tired when I have consecutive 12-hour shifts, because I spend the day interacting with many patients and walking around 10,000 steps. As a result, I end the day physically exhausted and mentally drained.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence stating your main action, avoid filler words, and give one or two specific recovery strategies besides sleep (for example, short naps, light exercise, or a routine). Use linking words to show contrast or result.

例: I try to regain my strength by prioritising sleep, usually taking a short nap after work and aiming for a full night's rest. I also do light stretching and drink water to refresh my body and mind.

× There are moments, there are a lot of moments wherein I feel exhausted.

✓ There are many moments when I feel exhausted.

This sentence has redundancy ('There are moments, there are a lot of moments') and uses an uncommon formal relative word 'wherein' which sounds unnatural here. Use the correct quantifier 'many' for countable plural 'moments' and the simpler connector 'when'. This improves conciseness and naturalness. Grammar problem type ID: 14 and 26.

× I usually feel tired especially when I have consecutive duties.

✓ I usually feel tired, especially when I have consecutive shifts.

'Consecutive duties' is grammatically possible but 'shifts' is the usual collocation with '12 hour shift' later; adding a comma before 'especially' improves readability. Ensure noun choice matches context. This addresses word choice and sentence structure. Grammar problem type ID: 27 and 26.

× I usually have 12 hour shift and that contains interacting with a lot of patients, walking 10,000 steps just to do just to do patient care.

✓ I usually have a 12-hour shift, which involves interacting with many patients and walking 10,000 steps just to provide patient care.

Add the indefinite article 'a' before '12-hour shift' and hyphenate '12-hour' as a compound adjective. Replace 'that contains' with 'which involves' for natural phrasing. Use 'many patients' (quantifier for countable noun) and correct the repeated phrase 'just to do just to do' to 'just to provide patient care.' This fixes article use, plural quantifier, punctuation, and removes repetition. Grammar problem type ID: 22, 14, and 26.

× And it does not only.

✓ And it is not only physically tiring; it is also emotionally and mentally exhausting.

The original fragment 'And it does not only.' is incomplete and unclear. Complete the idea by specifying what 'not only' contrasts with and repeat the parallel structure ('not only... but also...'). Use appropriate adjectives for consistency ('physically tiring' and 'emotionally and mentally exhausting'). This corrects sentence structure and clarity. Grammar problem type ID: 26 and 13.

× I try my best to regain my strength through sleeping.

✓ I try my best to regain my strength by getting more sleep.

'Through sleeping' is grammatically acceptable but sounds awkward; 'by getting more sleep' is more natural. This makes the verb phrase clearer and more idiomatic. Grammar problem type ID: 13 and 26.

× I believe that sleep is essential.

✓ I believe that sleep is essential.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. It is included for completeness. Grammar problem type ID: 0 (no error).

× Umm, and you're covering my body and my mind.

✓ It helps restore both my body and my mind.

The original 'you're covering my body and my mind' incorrectly uses 'you' and 'covering' which do not fit context. Replace with 'It helps restore both my body and my mind' to refer back to sleep as the subject and use appropriate verb 'restore.' This fixes incorrect pronoun use and verb choice. Grammar problem type ID: 12 and 13.