Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatical and concise: give a clear topic sentence then a brief supporting detail. Use correct tense and linkers. For example, say whether you often feel tired, then explain when and why with one supporting clause.

例: Not really. I don't usually feel tired, but I sometimes get tired if I walk for a long time because it makes my legs sore.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence about when you feel tired, use clear time expressions and correct verb forms, and add one specific example using linking words like 'for example' or 'because'. Avoid repetition.

例: I usually feel tired after working long hours. For example, when I work for more than eight hours without a break, I become sluggish and need to rest.

提案: Start with a clear main sentence describing your usual action, use correct verb forms and natural collocations (e.g., 'I massage my shoulders' or 'I rest'). Provide a brief, specific context and use linking words for coherence.

例: I usually massage my shoulders or neck when I feel tired, especially after a long day. For example, I sometimes rub my neck on the bus home to relieve stiffness.

× Not really. I often. I sometimes tired when I was walking too much.

✓ Not really. I don't often. I sometimes get tired when I walk too much.

The original contains sentence fragments and missing verbs. 'I often.' is a fragment; 'I sometimes tired' lacks a verb ('get' or 'feel'). Also tense consistency: use simple present for habitual actions (walk) rather than past continuous. Suggestion: use complete sentences with appropriate verbs for habits ('I don't often' and 'I sometimes get tired when I walk too much').

× Uh, I feel a little bit tired when I work T long.

✓ Uh, I feel a little bit tired when I work too long.

There is a typographical error 'T' which should be 'too' to indicate excessive duration. The sentence should use simple present 'feel' for habitual situations. Suggestion: correct 'T' to 'too' and maintain present tense for habits.

× For example, I work I used to I used walking 20 minutes to trip to school.

✓ For example, I used to walk 20 minutes to get to school.

The original has repeated and misplaced phrases ('I work I used to I used walking') causing ungrammatical structure. Use 'used to' plus base verb for past habitual actions: 'used to walk'. Also use 'get to school' or 'go to school' rather than 'trip to school'. Suggestion: simplify to 'I used to walk 20 minutes to get to school.'

× I usually massaging myself when I feel tired.

✓ I usually massage myself when I feel tired.

'Massaging' is the -ing form and requires an auxiliary (am/was) for progressive aspect; here the simple present 'massage' is appropriate for habitual action. Use the base verb for habits: 'I usually massage myself.' Suggestion: use simple present for routine actions.

× For example, I massage at night while I'm taking the bus.

✓ For example, I massage my neck at night while I'm on the bus.

'Massage at night' is okay but lacks an object; 'massage myself' is acceptable but more specific is 'massage my neck'. Preposition 'taking the bus' is colloquial; more natural is 'on the bus' for being physically on the bus. Suggestion: include the object of massage and use 'on the bus' for location.