Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장이 자연스럽지 않고 반복이 많습니다. 문장 구조를 단순하고 명확하게 고쳐 주어야 합니다. 예를 들어 주제문으로 바로 답한 다음 통근과 학업 스트레스라는 구체적 이유를 한두 문장으로 연결어(with/so/because 등)를 사용해 설명하세요. 불필요한 반복(예: really tired 두 번 이상)을 피하고 어순과 관사(a/the)를 바로잡으세요.

例: Yes, I often feel tired. I commute a long way to university, and my course load is quite heavy, so by the end of the day I usually feel exhausted.

提案: 시제와 문장 구조가 혼란스럽고 의미 전달이 명확하지 않습니다. ‘언제’라는 질문에는 특정 상황이나 시간(예: in the morning, after classes, during exams)을 말해야 합니다. 간단한 시제(현재/현재진행/과거)와 연결어(when/after/because)를 사용해 구체적 예시를 제시하세요. 또한 형용사 사용도 정확하게(exhausted 등) 고치세요.

例: I usually feel tired after long lectures or lab sessions, especially in the afternoons when I have back-to-back classes. Also, during exam periods I get particularly exhausted.

提案: 문장에 문법 오류와 어색한 표현이 많습니다. 습관을 말할 때는 현재 단순형을 사용하고 활동을 나열할 때는 and/so/then 같은 연결어를 자연스럽게 쓰세요. 앱 이름은 singular/plural 구분 없이 쓰고, ‘to recover my energy’처럼 목적 표현을 정확히 사용하세요. 또한 자세한 내용(얼마나, 얼마나 자주, 어떤 콘텐츠)을 덧붙이면 점수가 올라갑니다.

例: I usually lie down on my bed and watch videos on YouTube or browse Instagram to relax. I find this helps me unwind for about 20–30 minutes before I get back to studying.

× I usually feel tired because it is really hard to commute on my university and and my starting is really hard for me so I feel really tired.

✓ I usually feel tired because it is really hard to commute to my university and my schedule (or start time) is really hard for me, so I feel really tired.

'commute on my university' is incorrect; use 'commute to my university' for movement toward a place. 'my starting is really hard' is unclear; use 'my schedule is really hard' or 'the start time is difficult for me'. Also fix duplicated 'and and'. Improve sentence flow by adding a comma before 'so'. Suggestions: use 'commute to', replace 'starting' with 'schedule' or 'start time', remove duplicate words.

× When I started my my major is really hard to me so I feel really tired and it was really exhaust for to me.

✓ When I started, my major was really hard for me, so I felt really tired and it was really exhausting for me.

Mixes past and present tenses and uses wrong adjective forms. 'When I started' requires past tense 'was' for 'my major was really hard'. 'hard to me' should be 'hard for me'. 'it was really exhaust' uses base verb; use adjective/participle 'exhausting' or 'exhausted' appropriately; here 'exhausting' describes the major. Consistently use past tense (was, felt). Remove duplicate 'my'. Suggestions: keep past tense throughout, use 'hard for me', use 'exhausting'.

× I'm lying on my bed and I watch smartphones such as YouTube and instagrams and I really love to time I repo recover my energy.

✓ I lie on my bed and watch videos on my smartphone, such as YouTube and Instagram, and I love to relax and recover my energy.

Use simple present for habitual actions: 'I lie' and 'I watch', not progressive 'I'm lying' unless happening now. 'watch smartphones' is wrong; you watch videos on a smartphone. 'instagrams' should be 'Instagram' (platform name). Phrase 'I really love to time I repo recover my energy' is ungrammatical; replace with 'I love to relax and recover my energy'. Suggestions: use simple present for routines, say 'watch videos on my smartphone', use correct app names, and use verbs 'relax'/'recover'.