Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct mistakes. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid redundancy (e.g., “often” and “sometimes” conflict), fix grammar (e.g., “commute for an hour”), and give one specific supporting detail. Use a linking phrase to connect reason and example.

例: Yes, I often feel tired after a long day at work because I usually work late and commute for an hour. For example, after a 12-hour day I sometimes fall asleep early in the evening, so I try to go to bed earlier at the weekend.

提案: Open with a direct topic sentence and correct unclear phrasing. Replace unclear noun ('Jack's') with 'my desk' or 'in class', and avoid repeating similar points. Add a clear linking word and a precise time or routine to make it specific.

例: I usually feel tired in the evening after a long day at school because I have been sitting at my desk and concentrating for many hours. For instance, I often feel sleepy around 10:00 PM and then I just want to relax and go to bed.

提案: Use correct grammar and specific details. Give a clear topic sentence, choose consistent phrasing (e.g., 'take a nap' not 'taking'), and give a realistic, precise nap length (e.g., 10–20 minutes). Use a linking word to show result of the action.

例: When I feel tired, I usually take a short nap or watch a film to relax. For example, I often take a 15- to 20-minute nap in the afternoon, which helps me feel refreshed so I can concentrate better on my work.

× I usually work late and commute for hour an hour.

✓ I usually work late and commute for an hour.

The sentence mistakenly uses 'for hour an hour' which duplicates and misorders the singular noun 'hour'. Use 'an hour' with the indefinite article for a single hour duration. Suggestion: 'commute for an hour' or 'commute for one hour.'

× Well, yes, I often feel tired sometimes, especially after a long day at work because I usually work late and commute for hour an hour.

✓ Well, yes, I often feel tired, especially after a long day at work because I usually work late and commute for an hour.

The phrase 'often feel tired sometimes' is redundant: 'often' and 'sometimes' both modify frequency. Use one adverb of frequency. Also punctuation helps clarity. Suggestion: choose either 'often' or 'sometimes' depending on intended frequency.

× I sometimes fall asleep early in the evening, so I try to go to bed earlier on weekends.

✓ I sometimes fall asleep early in the evening, so I try to go to bed earlier on weekends.

No grammatical correction needed; sentence is acceptable. Keep present simple for habitual actions. (Included to show verification.)

× I usually feel tired after a long morning or in the evening after a long day at school because I have been sitting at Jack's and concentrating for many hours in class.

✓ I usually feel tired in the evening after a long day at school because I have been sitting at my desk and concentrating for many hours in class.

The phrase 'after a long morning or in the evening after a long day' is awkward and repetitive; rewritten for clarity. 'At Jack's' seems incorrect for a classroom context; likely intended 'at my desk'. Maintain present perfect progressive 'have been sitting' to show continuous past action affecting the present. Suggestion: use clear location nouns and avoid redundant time phrases.

× For example, I often feel sleepy around 10:00 PM and then I just want to rest, go to bed.

✓ For example, I often feel sleepy around 10:00 PM, and then I just want to rest or go to bed.

Comma needed before coordinating conjunction 'and' joining independent clauses. Also use 'or' to show alternative actions ('rest' or 'go to bed') rather than a comma-separated list that can be ambiguous.

× To be honest, when I feel tired, I often do my favorite things, like watch my favorite films or especially taking a nap.

✓ To be honest, when I feel tired, I often do my favorite things, like watching my favorite films or taking a nap.

After 'like' when listing activities, use the gerund form 'watching' and 'taking' for parallelism. 'Especially' should not interrupt the parallel structure; place it appropriately if needed (e.g., 'and especially taking a nap').

× For example, I often sleep for 20 or 13 minutes after afternoon and after that I can concentrate better on my work.

✓ For example, I often sleep for 20 or 30 minutes in the afternoon, and after that I can concentrate better on my work.

Several issues: '20 or 13 minutes' is unlikely — probably meant '20 or 30 minutes'. Use 'in the afternoon' not 'after afternoon'. Add comma before 'and' for clarity. Also include an article 'the' before 'afternoon' if referring to a specific afternoon or use 'in the afternoon' for general habit. Suggestion: confirm intended minute value and use 'in the afternoon.'