Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Уменьшите заполнители (uh, um) и завершайте предложения. Дайте ясный топик-сентенс, затем одну-две конкретные причины. Избегайте ненужных деталей и оборванных фраз. Работайте над компактностью: не более 3–4 предложений, с логической связкой между ними.

例: Yes, I often feel tired since term started. I get a lot of homework and long study sessions because I want to keep high grades. As a result, I usually feel low on energy by the evening.

提案: Сформулируйте мысль целиком и используйте связки (for example, because, so). Избегайте прерываний и повторов («full day full of»). Добавьте конкретные детали о времени и причинах. Не более 3 предложений.

例: I usually feel tired at the end of a long day of classes and revision, especially in the late afternoon. Because I am in 11th grade, looming graduation exams and important tests increase my stress and fatigue.

提案: Начните с прямого ответа, затем объясните причину и результат. Сократите количество заполнителей и избегайте разговорных вставок («actually»). Уточните, что значит «put everything from my plate» — используйте более естественные выражения. Не более 3 предложений.

例: When I feel exhausted, I stop studying and read a book to relax. Reading is my hobby and it helps me focus on the story instead of worrying about school. As a result, I feel calmer and sleep better.

× Well, uh, in my opinion, since the school starts, I really get, uh, tired very often because I get a lot of homework and especially I'm a grade A student, so I really need to work on my grades and be.

✓ Well, in my opinion, since school started, I often get tired because I have a lot of homework and, especially, I am an A-grade student, so I really need to work on my grades.

The sentence is disfluent and contains tense and article problems. 'Since the school starts' is awkward; use 'since school started' or 'when school starts'. 'I really get, uh, tired very often' is redundant and awkward — simplify to 'I often get tired'. 'I'm a grade A student' should be 'I am an A-grade student' or 'I am a grade-A student'. Remove the trailing 'and be' which is incomplete. Suggestion: plan sentences before speaking, avoid filler words, and use simple, clear structures such as 'Since school started, I often get tired because I have a lot of homework.'

× I feel tired at the end of a full day full of classes and revisions. Also, since I am in 11th grade and UH, there is my graduation and UH test that can. Affect.

✓ I feel tired at the end of a full day of classes and revision. Also, since I am in 11th grade, I have graduation and important tests that can affect me.

Redundancy: 'a full day full of' should be 'a full day of'. 'revisions' in this context is better as 'revision' or 'review'. The second sentence is fragmented and has filler 'UH' and a misplaced period: 'that can. Affect.' Combine into one clear sentence: 'I have graduation and important tests that can affect me.' Suggestion: remove fillers, avoid sentence fragments, and ensure verbs are connected to their objects.

× When I feel really exhausted I just put everything from my plate and start reading.

✓ When I feel really exhausted, I just put everything on my plate down and start reading.

The idiom is 'put something on one's plate' meaning responsibilities; to indicate placing them aside, say 'put everything on my plate down' or better 'put everything on my plate aside'. Also add a comma after the subordinate clause. Suggestion: learn common idioms and their correct prepositions; use commas after introductory clauses.

× Uh, because my hobby is reading actually and I really can concentrate on the story itself rather than stress from school.

✓ Because my hobby is reading, I can really concentrate on the story itself rather than on the stress from school.

Missing comma after introductory phrase. The verb 'concentrate' requires 'on' when followed by its object: 'concentrate on the story'. Also contrast requires 'rather than on the stress' to parallel the structure. Suggestion: ensure parallel structures and include required prepositions with verbs like 'concentrate'.