Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Ваша відповідь зрозуміла, але потрібно працювати над плавністю, уникати зайвих заповнювачів (uh, umm) і структурувати речення чіткіше. Додайте коротке вступне речення, потім конкретні причини, використовуючи сполучні слова для зв’язності, і тримайте не більше 3–4 речень.

例: Yes, I often feel tired. Mainly because I study and work at the same time: I attend five seminars a day at university, and then I go to my part-time job. As a result, I usually feel overwhelmed by the workload.

提案: Відповідь містить помилки в особових займенниках і багато заповнювачів; вона нечітко сформульована. Починайте з чіткої теми, поясніть конкретні ситуації, коли ви втомлюєтеся, і використовуйте зв'язки (for example, after, when) щоб покращити логіку.

例: I usually feel tired after a long day at work and university, especially when I still have to do housework. For example, cleaning my room or doing laundry after classes makes me feel exhausted.

提案: Хороший вибір видів відпочинку, але є граматичні помилки (тема-дієслово: 'I try' not 'I trying') і небажані повтори. Побудуйте відповідь з основного речення та 1–2 додаткових конкретних прикладів або причин чому ці заняття допомагають.

例: When I'm tired, I try to relax by reading a book, watching a movie, or knitting. Knitting has been my hobby since childhood, and it helps me unwind because it is calming and keeps my hands busy.

× So I feel overwhelmed by tasks from university 'cause we have 5 umm seminars per day and also I have part time job so after the umm university I should go to work.

✓ So I feel overwhelmed by tasks from university because we have five seminars per day and I also have a part-time job, so after university I have to go to work.

The sentence has pluralization and article usage issues: '5 umm seminars' should be spelled out as 'five seminars' (stylistic) and is correct plural; 'part time job' needs hyphenation 'part-time job' and needs the article 'a' before it. 'the umm university' is unnecessary; use 'university' without 'the'. Use 'have to' for obligation. Suggestion: add the article 'a' before countable singular nouns and hyphenate compound adjectives before nouns; remove unnecessary 'the'.

× So I feel overwhelmed by tasks from university 'cause we have 5 umm seminars per day and also I have part time job so after the umm university I should go to work.

✓ So I feel overwhelmed by tasks from university because we have five seminars per day and I also have a part-time job, so after university I have to go to work.

The original used 'should' which expresses advice rather than a required action. In this context about routine obligation, 'have to' is more appropriate. Suggestion: use modal verbs that match the intended meaning (obligation = have to/must; advice = should).

× I feel tired when I have, uh, also housework and uh, when you go from your work, you should clean or make, uh, the room really clean.

✓ I feel tired when I also have housework, and when I come home from work I have to clean or make the room really clean.

Pronoun inconsistency: the student switches from 'I' to 'you'. Maintain the first person 'I'. Also 'go from your work' is unnatural; use 'come home from work'. 'Should' again indicates advice; 'have to' indicates routine obligation. Suggestion: keep consistent pronouns and natural collocations for actions.

× I feel tired when I have, uh, also housework and uh, when you go from your work, you should clean or make, uh, the room really clean.

✓ I feel tired when I also have housework, and when I come home from work I have to clean or make the room really clean.

The sentence improperly switches to second person 'you' instead of 'I', causing a pronoun error. Use consistent pronouns matching the speaker. Also 'the room' may be fine if referring to their room; otherwise 'my room'.

× When I'm tired I trying to read a book or watch movie or knitting cause knitting it's my hobby from my childhood.

✓ When I'm tired I try to read a book or watch a movie, or knit, because knitting has been my hobby since childhood.

'I trying' is incorrect; after subject + auxiliary you need base verb 'try' or use 'am trying' with continuous meaning. Here habitual action requires simple present 'try'. 'Watch movie' needs an article 'a movie'. 'Knitting it's my hobby' is ungrammatical; use 'knitting has been my hobby since childhood' to express duration. Suggestion: use simple present for habits and correct verb forms and articles.

× When I'm tired I trying to read a book or watch movie or knitting cause knitting it's my hobby from my childhood.

✓ When I'm tired I try to read a book or watch a movie, or knit, because knitting has been my hobby since childhood.

To express that a hobby started in the past and continues now, use present perfect 'has been' not simple past. 'from my childhood' is better expressed as 'since childhood'. Suggestion: use present perfect for actions that began in the past and continue to the present.

× Yes I do uh because I have uh my study and my job.

✓ Yes, I do, because I have my studies and my job.

'My study' is odd; use plural 'my studies' to refer to academic work. Also add commas for natural pauses. Suggestion: use 'studies' for general academic program and include commas to reflect pauses.

× ... 'cause we have 5 umm seminars per day and also I have part time job so after the umm university I should go to work.

✓ ... because we have five seminars per day and I also have a part-time job, so after university I have to go to work.

Use 'we have five seminars' is correct; this item included to note correct existential structure: avoid unnecessary 'there is/are' here. Ensure articles and verb forms are correct as above.