Tiredness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar, avoid fillers, and give a clear topic sentence followed by one or two supporting details with accurate vocabulary and numbers. Use linking words (for example, 'because' or 'so') correctly and limit to 3–4 sentences. Check pronunciation of key words and avoid hesitation sounds.

例: Yes, I often feel tired during the day because I commute 17 kilometres to work. The journey usually takes about two hours in heavy traffic, so I arrive at the office already exhausted. Because of this long commute, I struggle to stay energetic at work.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence answering the timing, then give specific sequence and reasons using linking words like 'first' and 'then'. Correct tense and collocations (e.g., 'work an eight-hour day' not 'of like 8 hour working non-stop'). Avoid emotional words without contrast; use precise descriptions (tired, drained, low energy). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: I usually feel tired twice a day. First, after my one-hour morning commute I begin to feel drained, and then after working an eight-hour shift I feel very fatigued again. Finally, the long commute home makes me even more exhausted.

提案: Give a direct answer about actions you take, using a clear topic sentence (e.g., 'I do X when I feel tired') and then one or two specific supporting details. Avoid vague phrasing and incomplete sentences. Use correct grammar (e.g., 'I have found', 'how I am able to sit') and explain briefly why the action helps you. Keep it natural and concise.

例: When I feel tired, I try to practice gratitude and take a short break. For example, I sit comfortably in my car for five minutes and focus on being thankful for a dry, warm place during rainy days, which helps me calm down and regain energy.

× Uh, it's about 17 kilometer.

✓ Uh, it's about 17 kilometers.

Use plural for countable nouns when quantity is not one. 'Kilometer' should be plural after a number greater than one. Suggestion: say '17 kilometers' or 'about 17 km'.

× Therefore I have to go in today pnumping traffic.

✓ Therefore I have to go in during the morning peak traffic.

The sentence has incorrect and unclear wording. 'Go in today pnumping' is ungrammatical. Likely meaning is traveling during busy morning traffic. Use 'during' for time periods and 'morning peak traffic' or 'rush-hour traffic'.

× I have to spend like 2 hours because of the traffic jam.

✓ I have to spend about two hours because of the traffic jam.

Use 'about' instead of informal 'like' in formal speech; write numbers in words for clarity in some contexts. The present tense 'have to spend' is acceptable, so only wording improved. Also 'traffic jam' is countable but fine; suggestion: 'because of the traffic'.

× So often feel tired from that.

✓ So I often feel tired because of that.

Missing subject 'I' and incorrect preposition. Add subject and use 'because of' to show cause. Ensure full sentence structure: subject + verb + complement.

× Well when I wake up I always super excited about going to work and then after one hour's commute to my office, that's when the first hint of sadness comes.

✓ Well, when I wake up I am always super excited about going to work, but after the one-hour commute to my office, that's when the first hint of sadness comes.

Missing auxiliary verb 'am' for present simple progressive feeling ('I am excited'). 'One hour's commute' is awkward; use 'one-hour commute' as a compound adjective. Also add contrast 'but' for clarity.

× And then throughout the day of like 8 hour working non-stop because I work full time when I have to commute back, that's another depressing episode coming.

✓ And then, throughout an eight-hour workday working non-stop because I work full time, when I have to commute back, that's another depressing episode.

Use 'eight-hour' as a compound adjective and 'workday' for clarity. Replace informal 'like' with 'about' or remove it. Word order adjusted for clarity. Ensure consistency in tense and noun forms.

× Recently I what I found really helped and useful to ease those feeling is to be super grateful and appreciative towards my car and how I able to sit comfortably especially during rainy season.

✓ Recently, what I found really helped to ease those feelings is being very grateful and appreciative of my car and that I am able to sit comfortably, especially during the rainy season.

Multiple issues: word order, missing auxiliary 'am' ('I am able'), plural 'feelings', gerund 'being' after 'helped', and preposition choice 'appreciative of' instead of 'towards'. Use 'the rainy season' with definite article. Rephrase for natural English.

× I can see how other people struggling so I try to be more appreciative and be.

✓ I can see how other people are struggling, so I try to be more appreciative and patient.

Missing auxiliary verb 'are' with present participle 'struggling'. The sentence ends abruptly with 'and be'—complete the idea, e.g., 'and patient' or 'and be thankful'. Use a parallel structure after 'try to' (verb or adjective).