Politeness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Give a clear topic sentence first, then explain how teachers and parents taught you. Avoid repetition such as “how to be how to be” and “small short stories.” Improve grammar in “It usually our teachers would teach us” and use more natural phrasing such as “Our teachers usually taught us.” Keep the answer to three or four well-connected sentences.

例: I learned to be polite mainly from my parents and teachers. At school, we read short stories that showed us the importance of empathy and respect. At home, my parents taught me to speak politely to my elders and treat other people considerately.

提案: Your main idea is clear, but the answer becomes hesitant and overly complicated when discussing exceptions. Use a linking word such as “because” to explain why politeness matters, and give one specific result or example. Note that “in eminent danger” should be “in imminent danger,” although this exception is unnecessary for a Part 1 response. Finish with a complete sentence instead of “Or maybe.”

例: Yes, I think politeness is very important because it helps people communicate respectfully and find common ground. Even when we disagree, speaking calmly can prevent a small argument from becoming a serious conflict. Of course, if someone is in immediate danger, protecting them should come before being polite.

提案: You answer the question directly and provide a relevant example, but correct “in most occasions” to “on most occasions” and avoid repetition in “what what.” The phrase “in situations where you shouldn't be polite is where” is awkward; use “One exception is when...” instead. Make the contrast clearer by explaining that people should intervene firmly to protect someone who is vulnerable.

例: We should be polite on most occasions, especially when we disagree with someone. For example, we can discuss different opinions calmly and respect the other person’s point of view. One exception is when someone is harming a vulnerable person; in that case, we should intervene firmly and ask for help if necessary.

提案: The answer is incomplete and does not clearly describe specific actions. Correct “I should politeness” to “I showed politeness” and replace “weird hand gestures” with the more natural “rude gestures.” Give two or three concrete examples, such as greeting elders, saying “please” and “thank you,” or helping classmates. Use a complete final sentence rather than ending with “trying to.”

例: As a child, I showed politeness by speaking calmly and using polite expressions such as “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me.” I also greeted my teachers and older relatives respectfully. In addition, I tried to listen carefully and help my classmates when they needed support.

× We actually had a subject specifically for politeness and to learn how to be how to be empathetic and sympathetic towards other people.

✓ We actually had a subject specifically about politeness, in which we learned how to be empathetic and sympathetic towards other people.

The original sentence contains a repeated phrase and an unclear structure after specifically for. Use specifically about to introduce the topic, and use in which we learned to connect the subject with what students learned.

× It usually our teachers would teach us through small short stories and obviously through our parents as well.

✓ Our teachers usually taught us through short stories, and our parents taught us as well.

The original sentence is missing a correctly placed main verb and has an unnecessary it. The corrected sentence uses Our teachers as the subject and taught as the past-tense verb because the question asks about childhood.

× to be polite and be respectful towards your elders and towards other people who you are with around you.

✓ to be polite and respectful towards your elders and other people around you.

The phrase who you are with around you is unnecessarily complicated and structurally awkward. Use the concise phrase other people around you. The verbs be polite and be respectful are also made parallel by omitting the repeated be before respectful.

× And there's no reason to be impolite or rude towards others unless they've, uh, unless you're in eminent danger of some kind.

✓ There is no reason to be impolite or rude towards others unless you are in danger of some kind.

The phrase unless they've is incomplete and does not match the subject you in the following clause. Use unless you are to form a complete and grammatically consistent conditional clause.

× Or if they're, if they're being rude and politeness isn't working, you find somebody else to intervene.

✓ Alternatively, if they are being rude and politeness is not working, you should find somebody else to intervene.

The original sentence contains a repeated and incomplete clause. The corrected version uses a complete if-clause and connects it to the main clause with the adverb Alternatively.

× Or maybe.

✓ Or maybe you should ask somebody else to intervene.

Or maybe is only a fragment because it does not contain a subject and a verb. Add you should ask to make it a complete sentence.

× I think we should be polite in most occasions unless otherwise warranted by the situation.

✓ I think we should be polite on most occasions unless otherwise warranted by the situation.

The standard preposition used with occasions is on, so the correct phrase is on most occasions.

× I should politeness as a child by umm, keeping an even tone in my voice.

✓ I showed politeness as a child by keeping an even tone in my voice.

The verb should is incorrect here, and the sentence needs a past-tense verb to describe what you did as a child. Use showed, followed by the noun politeness.

× Not umm, not using weird hand gestures or facial expressions to show that I was being rude in some way and also being more empathetic towards others and trying to.

✓ I did not use unusual hand gestures or facial expressions to show that I was being rude. I also tried to be more empathetic towards others.

The original passage consists mainly of incomplete -ing phrases and ends with the incomplete phrase trying to. Use complete sentences with the subject I and finite verbs such as did not use and tried.