Politeness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct grammar (use past tense consistently) and avoid run-on sentences.

例: I grew up in a strict household where politeness was highly valued. For example, my parents always reminded me to address elders respectfully and to stand when they entered the room, so I learned these habits from an early age.

提案: Fix pronunciation/word form errors (politen → polite/politeness) and avoid listing similar points repeatedly. Use a concise thesis sentence and one or two clear reasons with a linking word (because/for example).

例: Yes, I think politeness is very important because it helps build good relationships. For example, being polite at work can make colleagues more willing to cooperate, which benefits everyone.

提案: Clarify and simplify your position. Avoid contradictory phrasing and fix grammar (e.g., “an attack”). Use linking words (however/therefore) and give one specific occasion as an example.

例: We should be polite on all occasions, especially in formal situations such as job interviews or family gatherings. For instance, during a job interview it is important to speak respectfully because first impressions matter.

提案: Use past tense consistently and avoid repetition. Organize your answer: topic sentence then two specific examples. Use linking words (for example/also) and concise phrases instead of long lists.

例: I grew up in India where showing respect to elders was part of our culture. For example, we were taught to touch elders' feet on special occasions and to offer guests food and drinks to make them feel welcome.

× I I grow grew up in a strict household where being polite to elders and people who are more experienced than you it is an ideal thing and we all learn to respect them eventually

✓ I grew up in a strict household where being polite to elders and people who are more experienced than you was considered ideal, and we all learned to respect them.

Multiple tense and redundant words: 'I I grow grew up' mixes present and past; 'grow' is present, 'grew' is past. Use simple past 'grew up' for a past event. 'it is an ideal thing' is awkward and mismatches past context; change to 'was considered ideal'. Also use 'learned' in past to match 'grew up'. Remove repetition and unnecessary words. Suggestion: Use consistent past tense for childhood descriptions and avoid redundant phrases.

× Yes, I believe politen is a virtue that goes a long way.

✓ Yes, I believe politeness is a virtue that goes a long way.

'politen' is a misspelling and not the correct noun form. Use the noun 'politeness'. Suggestion: Check word forms (adjective vs noun) and spelling.

× You can make people feel good, you can respect them, you can give the respect they deserve and some people come a long way with a lot of experience.

✓ You can make people feel good, respect them, give them the respect they deserve, and some people advance a lot with experience.

Sentence is repetitive and contains awkward phrasing 'come a long way with a lot of experience'. Simplify verbs for parallel structure and use 'advance' or 'go a long way' for clarity. Also 'give the respect they deserve' should be 'give them the respect they deserve' to include the object. Suggestion: Use parallel verb forms and clear objects.

× So you should be polite to people as you might need them one day.

✓ So you should be polite to people because you might need them one day.

'as' is colloquial and can be ambiguous; 'because' clarifies reason. Tense/modal 'might' is acceptable. Ensure conjunction choice fits the sentence. Suggestion: Use 'because' for clearer causal connection.

× I believe that we should be polite to people who fairly deserve it and not even and even if they don't because being unkind to someone is just a attack on our own mood.

✓ I believe that we should be polite to people who fairly deserve it and even if they don't, because being unkind to someone is just an attack on our own mood.

Problems: extra words 'not even and' are incorrect. 'a attack' uses incorrect article before a consonant sound; should be 'an attack' but here 'an attack' still wrong because 'attack' begins with a vowel sound so 'an attack' is correct—however revised sentence removes confusion and uses 'an attack'. Also ensure proper comma placement before 'because'. Suggestion: Remove extraneous words, use correct article 'an', and punctuate to separate clauses.

× We should be polite to all every time.

✓ We should be polite to everyone all the time.

'all every time' is ungrammatical; use 'everyone' (pronoun) and 'all the time' (adverbial phrase) for the intended meaning. Suggestion: Use 'everyone' and the fixed phrase 'all the time'.

× I come from a country India which is a cultural country and to show politeness we are taught to touch elders' feet, to bring them water from the kitchen and to serve them to serve all guests, to serve all elders and to make their life easy in the form of politeness.

✓ I come from India, which has a rich culture, and to show politeness we are taught to touch elders' feet, bring them water from the kitchen, serve guests and elders, and make their lives easier as a sign of respect.

Problems: 'a country India' is incorrect word order; use 'India' or 'the country of India'. 'which is a cultural country' is awkward—use 'which has a rich culture'. Repetition 'to serve them to serve all guests, to serve all elders' is redundant. 'make their life easy' should be 'make their lives easier' (plural). Maintain present tense 'come from' but use clearer phrasing. Suggestion: Use correct noun order, avoid repetition, and pluralize 'lives' when referring to multiple people.