Politeness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and give one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Use correct tense and singular/plural agreement.

例: I learned to be polite mainly at school. My teachers acted as role models, reminding us to say “please” and “thank you” and to listen to others. For example, my teacher praised students who shared and helped classmates, which encouraged me to behave politely too.

提案: Provide a clear, coherent opinion with logical reasons and correct grammar. Avoid repetition of phrases and use linking words (because, therefore, for example). Use vocabulary appropriate to context (workplace, school) and correct subject-verb agreement.

例: Yes, I think being polite is very important because it affects relationships at work and at school. For example, polite communication helps you cooperate with colleagues and teachers, which can improve your job and academic performance. Therefore, politeness can open doors to opportunities.

提案: Clarify meaning and avoid incorrect or confusing words (do not use 'cheat'). Answer directly with a topic sentence and give specific occasions using linking words. Use neutral, positive vocabulary like 'treat' or 'respect'.

例: I think we should be polite on all occasions, such as at work, in class, and in public places. For instance, being polite when you meet someone new or when you disagree with someone helps maintain good relationships and earns respect.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and specific examples. Correct awkward phrasing and finish sentences fully. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid vague or irrelevant phrases like 'I want to be a fan with you.'

例: As a child, I showed politeness by sharing my food, toys, and stationery with classmates. For example, if a friend forgot a pencil, I would lend mine, and if someone was hungry, I would offer snacks. These small actions helped me build friendships.

× When I was a kid, I mostly learned proper attitude from school and then my teacher.

✓ When I was a kid, I mostly learned proper attitudes from school and from my teachers.

Original uses 'proper attitude' (singular) and 'teacher' after 'school then' causing ambiguity. Use plural 'attitudes' to match general idea and 'teachers' if referring to multiple teachers; change 'then my teacher' to 'from my teachers' or 'from my teacher' with 'from' for correct preposition and clarity.

× I think they're a role model for me how to be how to be how to be a nice guy to treat people nicely.

✓ I think they were role models for me and showed me how to be a nice person and how to treat people kindly.

Pronoun 'they're' conflicts with past time 'When I was a kid' so use past 'they were'. Repeated fragments removed. 'Nice guy' can be changed to gender-neutral 'nice person'. Use adverb 'kindly' instead of 'nicely' for collocation. Also fix sentence structure by adding 'and showed me' for clarity.

× I would say proper attitude is extremely important in both a working place and learning place because the people is really recognized you are a nice guy or not so it is a profoundly impacts your academic performance and job performance.

✓ I would say proper attitude is extremely important in both the workplace and the learning environment because people can tell whether you are a nice person, so it can profoundly impact your academic and job performance.

Use correct nouns: 'workplace' and 'learning environment'. 'The people is' is incorrect: use 'people can tell' and remove unnecessary articles. 'Recognized you are' is incorrect structure; use 'tell whether you are'. 'It is a profoundly impacts' mixes forms; use 'it can profoundly impact' for correct verb form and subject-verb agreement.

× In my opinion, I would say it's all occasioned.

✓ In my opinion, I would say it applies to all occasions.

Original 'all occasioned' is incorrect word choice. Use 'applies to all occasions' to convey that politeness is needed in every situation.

× It's not only when you encounter some bad guy or some people you dislike.

✓ It's not only when you encounter someone you dislike or a rude person.

'Some bad guy' is informal and awkward; use 'a rude person' or 'someone you dislike'. 'Some people you dislike' is redundant after 'some'. Use singular/plural consistently.

× I think you should cheat everybody in a nice way so people then will cheat you and respect you.

✓ I think you should treat everybody kindly so that people will treat you with respect.

The verb 'cheat' is entirely wrong for context; 'treat' is correct. Improve word order to 'so that people will treat you with respect'. Also use 'kindly' or 'with kindness' for adverbial phrase.

× I would say when I was a kid it's just very simple to share my food and then share my toys or some stationery with my classmates and so I want to be a fan with you.

✓ I would say when I was a kid it was very simple: I shared my food, toys, and stationery with my classmates because I wanted to be friends with them.

Use past tense consistently ('it was', 'I shared', 'I wanted') to match 'when I was a kid'. 'Want to be a fan with you' is incorrect idiom; 'wanted to be friends with them' is appropriate. Also combine items with commas for clarity.

× I would say for children it's very simple and easy way to show politen to

✓ I would say for children it's a very simple and easy way to show politeness.

'Politen' is misspelled; use 'politeness' (noun). Add article 'a' and complete the sentence. Remove trailing 'to'.