Politeness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, avoid repetition, and use clearer linking to show cause and effect. Start with a topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one or two specific supporting details with proper connectors. Correct small grammar errors (e.g., "for my parents" → "from my parents", remove duplicate words).

例: I learned to be polite mainly from my parents, who corrected me whenever I behaved rudely. In addition, reading stories from the Bible taught me to be kind to others, so I practiced saying polite phrases and showing respect.

提案: Clarify your ideas and avoid unclear or contradictory phrases. Give specific reasons and use linking words (for example, "because", "so", "therefore"). Remove repetitions and correct incorrect words ("because we are poor" seems unintended).

例: Absolutely — being polite is very important because it helps people feel comfortable and builds strong relationships. As a result, others are more likely to trust you and offer social or professional opportunities.

提案: Organize the answer with a clear topic sentence and one or two concise examples. Avoid repetition and fix grammar ("we who we will" and "being import"). Use linking words like "therefore" or "for example" for coherence.

例: Politeness should be a constant habit, so we should be polite in everyday situations, such as at home, at work, or in public. For example, you should show respect to colleagues and strangers because you never know who might help you in the future.

提案: Use past tense consistently and combine similar ideas to be more concise. Add a brief specific example of actions you took (e.g., greeting, helping) and use linking words if adding reasons.

例: As a child, I showed politeness by greeting elders, helping my neighbors with small tasks, and speaking respectfully to my parents and friends. For instance, I would always say "good morning" and avoid using harsh words.

× As a child, I learned how to be polite for my parents.

✓ As a child, I learned how to be polite from my parents.

Use 'from' to indicate the source of learning; 'for my parents' implies doing it on behalf of them, which is not intended.

× They were the good examples that I saw and each time I was rude they would always correct me.

✓ They were good examples to me, and each time I was rude they would correct me.

Redundant phrasing and word order: 'the good examples that I saw' is wordy; use 'good examples to me'. 'Would always correct me' is acceptable but 'always' can be omitted or placed before 'correct'.

× And also studying the Bible helped me helped me to be kind to people.

✓ Also, studying the Bible helped me to be kind to people.

Duplicate phrase 'helped me helped me' is a simple repetition error. Remove the extra words; 'helped me to be' or 'helped me be' are both correct.

× Absolutely, being polite is very important.

✓ Absolutely, being polite is very important.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. Included here to confirm correctness.

× It makes people comfortable around you and also we are able to keep good relationships and we are able to to re.

✓ It makes people comfortable around you, and we are able to maintain good relationships.

Pronoun shift and broken phrase: mixing 'you' and 'we' is inconsistent; choose 'we' to match 'we are able'. 'Keep good relationships' is better expressed as 'maintain good relationships'. Removed the unfinished phrase and duplicate 'to'.

× We are able to get opportunities because we are poor.

✓ We are able to get opportunities because we are polite.

The original likely used 'poor' erroneously; context suggests 'polite' leads to opportunities. If the speaker meant 'poor' materially, the sentence is logically odd. Correcting to 'polite' matches intended meaning.

× Being polite should be our character trait we have to be polite at all times to everyone, be it the rich, the poor, because we might not know who we who we will meet tomorrow and that person might offer us maybe something real big.

✓ Being polite should be a character trait; we have to be polite to everyone, rich or poor, because we might not know who we will meet tomorrow and that person might offer us something valuable.

Run-on sentence and repetition: separate into clauses with punctuation. Change 'our character trait' to 'a character trait'. Remove duplicated 'who we'. Replace informal 'maybe something real big' with 'something valuable' for clarity and correctness.

× So being import, being polite is very.

✓ So, being polite is important and valuable.

Original is fragmented and contains a typo 'import'. Provide a complete clause: 'being polite is important and valuable' completes the thought.

× Growing up as a child, I always respect elderly people.

✓ Growing up, I always respected elderly people.

Tense consistency: 'Growing up' refers to past habitual action, so use past tense 'respected' rather than present 'respect'. Also 'as a child' is redundant with 'growing up'.

× I respected my parents and my neighbors and even my friends.

✓ I respected my parents, my neighbors, and even my friends.

This sentence is grammatically correct but benefits from commas to separate items in a list for clarity.

× I don't use harsh words on them.

✓ I didn't use harsh words toward them.

Tense and preposition: the speaker is describing past behavior ('as a child'), so use past tense 'didn't use'. Use 'toward' or 'to' rather than 'on' when referring to directing words at people.