Politeness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장의 정확성과 자연스러움을 높이기 위해 문법 오류를 바로잡고 문장을 간결하게 만드세요. 구체적으로 시제와 관사 사용(예: "as a younger" → "when I was younger"), 전치사와 어순을 고치고(예: "teacher from elementary school" → "my elementary school teachers"), 불필요한 반복을 줄이세요. 또한 한두 개의 구체적 예시(예: 부모님이 인사하는 방식, 학교에서 배운 표현)를 덧붙여 내용을 풍부하게 하세요.

例: I learned to be polite mainly from my parents and my elementary school teachers. When I was younger, they taught me to greet elders respectfully and to use polite phrases like 'please' and 'thank you.' For example, my mother always reminded me to bow slightly when meeting older relatives.

提案: 핵심 아이디어는 괜찮지만 어휘 선택과 철자 오류를 고치고 문장을 명확하게 구성하세요(예: "warming" → "politeness"). 주제문을 명확히 한 뒤 이유를 두세 개로 나눠 논리적으로 연결어(therefore, because, so)를 사용해 설명하세요. 구체적인 예를 하나 제시하면 설득력이 높아집니다.

例: Yes, I believe politeness is very important because it reflects our cultural values and helps people get along. For instance, being polite makes conversations smoother and reduces conflicts, so everyone feels more comfortable.

提案: 응답을 더 자연스럽게 만들려면 주제문을 명확히 말하고 이유와 예를 제시하세요. 어색한 표현(예: "it's a coincident")을 고치고, 문장 연결을 위해 접속사나 구문(when, whenever, for example)을 사용하세요. 또한 상황별(처음 만남, 공식 자리, 가족 모임)로 구체화하면 좋습니다.

例: I think we should be polite on many occasions, especially when meeting someone for the first time and in formal settings. For example, at job interviews or when visiting someone's home, polite behaviour shows respect and creates a good impression.

提案: 답변이 모호하고 반복적입니다. 직접적으로 행동을 설명하는 주제문을 먼저 말한 뒤 구체적인 행동 예시(인사하기, 말 끝에 존댓말 사용, 어른에게 먼저 대답하기 등)를 제공하세요. 과거 시제와 표현 순서를 정확히 사용하고 이유나 기억을 덧붙이면 더 좋습니다.

例: As a child, I showed politeness by greeting elders first and using respectful language. For example, I always said 'good morning' to my grandparents and stood up when an elder entered the room, even though I didn't fully understand why at the time.

× I learned to be polite from my parents and the teacher from elementary school.

✓ I learned to be polite from my parents and my elementary school teachers.

The sentence mixes singular 'the teacher' with general time phrase 'from elementary school'; use plural 'teachers' and possessive 'my' for clarity. Also 'elementary school teachers' is more natural than 'the teacher from elementary school'. Suggestion: Use 'my parents and my elementary school teachers' to indicate both sources of learning.

× As a younger, we are expected to be polite to elders and we always use polite words separately to.

✓ When I was younger, we were expected to be polite to our elders and we always used polite words toward them.

Errors: 'As a younger' is ungrammatical; should be 'When I was younger'. Tense should be past 'were expected' and 'used' to match childhood. 'to elders' needs 'our elders' and 'use polite words separately to' is incorrect; use 'toward them' or 'to them'. Suggestion: Use time clause 'When I was younger' and keep past tense consistently.

× Yes, warming is very important because it's in our culture and I learned we need to be polite to others and everyone.

✓ Yes, being polite is very important because it is part of our culture, and I learned that we need to be polite to everyone.

'Warming' is wrong word; should be 'being polite' or 'politeness'. 'It's in our culture' is unnatural; 'part of our culture' is better. 'To others and everyone' is redundant; use 'to everyone'. Suggestion: Use 'being polite' and 'part of our culture' and avoid redundancy.

× In that way we can be more comfortable with each other and respect each other as well.

✓ In that way, we can feel more comfortable with each other and respect one another as well.

Sentence is mostly correct but 'be more comfortable' is less natural than 'feel more comfortable'; 'each other' repeated can be varied as 'one another'. Add comma after introductory phrase. Suggestion: Use 'feel more comfortable' and vary pronouns for naturalness.

× I personally think that when we meet.

✓ I personally think that when we meet someone for the first time,

Sentence is incomplete/fragement; needs object and continuation. Add 'someone for the first time' to complete thought. Suggestion: Complete the clause by specifying 'someone for the first time'.

× A person for the first time will have to be polite because it's a coincident.

✓ When you meet a person for the first time, you should be polite because it is a coincidence.

Word order and phrasing are incorrect. Use conditional/time clause 'When you meet a person for the first time'. 'Will have to be polite' is awkward; 'should be polite' fits better. 'Coincident' is wrong form; 'coincidence' is a noun but meaning here is unclear—probably 'it is appropriate' or 'it is important'. Suggestion: Use 'When you meet a person for the first time, you should be polite' and replace 'coincidence' with clearer phrase like 'it is important' if intended.

× We should show respect each other.

✓ We should show respect for each other.

Missing preposition 'for' after 'respect' when followed by 'each other'. Suggestion: Use 'show respect for each other'.

× I think as a child I was expected to be polite because I learned from the elders.

✓ I think that as a child I was expected to be polite because I learned from my elders.

Add 'that' for clarity in reported thought. 'the elders' is unnatural; use 'my elders' or 'older people'. Suggestion: Use 'my elders' to indicate who taught you.

× I had no idea why should I be polite, but I guess that.

✓ I had no idea why I should be polite, but I guess I was.

Incorrect word order in embedded question: 'why should I be polite' should be 'why I should be polite'. Ending 'but I guess that' is vague; 'but I guess I was' completes the idea. Suggestion: Use correct embedded question order and complete the thought.