Politeness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答は要点を伝えていますが、自然さと流暢さ、文章構成に改善の余地があります。具体的には： 1) 冗長な繰り返し（“I, I, I tend”など）を避け、簡潔な主語文で始めること。2) トピックセンテンスの後に、接続詞（for example / for instance / because）を使って詳しい説明や具体例を一つか二つ加えること。3) 単語選びを明確にし、文法（“behave politely to me”→“behave politely”など）を正すこと。4) 回答は最大3〜4文に収め、自然で流暢な言い回しを意識すること。 練習のポイント：まず「My parents taught me by modelling polite behaviour.」のような明確なトピック文を言い、その後に「For example, they always said ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and corrected me gently when I was rude. As a result, I copied their manners.」のように接続詞で繋げると良いです。

例: My parents taught me by modelling polite behaviour. For example, they always used “please” and “thank you” and corrected me gently when I was rude. Because of that, I naturally copied their manners and tried to be respectful to others.

提案: 回答は主旨が明確ですが、より説得力を持たせるために構成と語彙を改善してください。具体的には： 1) トピックセンテンスを簡潔に述べる（例：“Yes, I believe politeness is very important.”）。2) サポート文は接続詞（because / for example / especially）で始め、具体例と理由を一つか二つ挙げること。3) 発話の躊躇（“umm”）を減らし、語句の誤用（“superior”は上司で良いが、“behave politely is really important to for communication”は冗長）を直すこと。4) 語彙をもう少し多様にし、短く論理的な構成（2〜3文）を目指すこと。 練習のポイント：職場以外の状況も一つ加えられると幅が出ます（例：social interactions, interviews）。

例: Yes, I believe politeness is very important, especially at work. For example, showing respect to your manager and speaking courteously helps teamwork and prevents misunderstandings. It also creates a positive atmosphere and makes communication more effective.

× My parents often showed me how to be polite, how to behave politely to me, and children tend to mimic that.

✓ My parents often showed me how to be polite and how to behave politely, and children tend to mimic that.

The phrase 'behave politely to me' incorrectly uses 'to me'; native speakers say 'behave politely' or 'behave politely toward others'. Remove 'to me' to clarify general behavior. Suggestion: use 'behave politely' or 'behave politely toward others' depending on meaning.

× And I, I, I tend. I learned how to do that as well from my parents.

✓ I also learned how to do that from my parents.

The original contains repetition 'I, I, I tend.' and a fragmented sentence 'I learned how to do that as well from my parents.' Combine into a single clear sentence. Suggestion: avoid unnecessary filler and use 'I also learned' or 'I learned this from my parents as well.'

× For example at workplace umm to respect our superior and to behave PL. politely is really important to for communication.

✓ For example, at the workplace, respecting our superiors and behaving politely are really important for communication.

Multiple issues: missing articles ('the workplace'), singular/plural agreement ('superior' should be 'superiors' or 'a superior'), and verb forms should be gerunds after 'important' ('respecting' and 'behaving'). Also subject-verb agreement: two gerunds form a plural subject so use 'are'. Remove extraneous words 'umm' and 'to' before 'for communication'. Suggestion: use 'the workplace', use gerunds for parallel actions, and ensure subject-verb agreement.