Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Answer more directly and divide the ideas into two or three sentences. Use the natural phrase “make paper crafts” instead of “make crafts making,” and avoid repeating “made” and “crafts.” You should also use linking words such as “because” to explain how you learned these skills.

例: Yes, I made a lot of paper crafts when I was in primary school. My teachers taught me how to make them, so I became quite good at it. I especially enjoyed making simple animals and decorations.

提案: Your answer is relevant and includes specific examples, but the sentence is too long and contains grammatical errors. Say “make paper planes” and “when it was raining, my friends and I made paper boats and sailed them on puddles.” Use the past tense consistently and add a clear linking word such as “also.”

例: When I was a child, I liked making paper planes. Also, whenever it rained, my friends and I made paper boats and sailed them in puddles. It was a simple activity, but we had a lot of fun competing to see whose boat went the farthest.

提案: You give a clear answer and a reason, but “their technology has changed” is unnatural, and “the predators” appears to be an incorrect word, probably meaning “physical letters” or “traditional mail.” Use “technology has advanced” and explain the comparison accurately. Avoid beginning the third sentence with “So” when “Therefore” or a combined sentence would be more natural.

例: No, I don’t write physical letters anymore because technology has advanced so much. I usually use emails or text messages instead, as they are faster and more convenient. They also allow me to communicate with people immediately, even if they live abroad.

提案: Your opinion and reason are clear, but there are repeated words and several grammatical problems. Say “letters contain memories” rather than “in handwritten letters they have memories,” and use “they remember the person” instead of “they remembered.” Finish with a natural phrase such as “These letters can be very meaningful keepsakes.”

例: Yes, I believe some people still keep handwritten letters because they contain memories of loved ones. Whenever people read them, they are reminded of the person who wrote them. For this reason, handwritten letters can become very meaningful keepsakes.

提案: You answer the question clearly and provide a practical reason, but the response should be separated into shorter sentences. Use the articles “a pen” and “forms,” and avoid repeating “carry the pen with me.” You could also mention another everyday situation, such as taking notes or writing down an address, to make the answer more specific.

例: I don’t usually carry paper, but I always carry a pen when I go out. It can be useful for filling out forms at the bank or writing down important information. I sometimes use it to take a quick note when my phone is unavailable.

× Yes, when I was a child and at my primary school I made a lot of crafts I learned crafts making from my teachers so I was very good at making them.

✓ Yes, when I was a child and in primary school, I made a lot of crafts. I learned how to make crafts from my teachers, so I was very good at making them.

We normally say in primary school, not at my primary school, when referring to the period of education. Use in for being enrolled in or attending a school.

× Yes, when I was a child and at my primary school I made a lot of crafts I learned crafts making from my teachers so I was very good at making them.

✓ Yes, when I was a child and in primary school, I made a lot of crafts. I learned how to make crafts from my teachers, so I was very good at making them.

The original sentence joins several independent ideas without proper punctuation. Separate the ideas into two sentences and use a comma before so when it joins two complete clauses.

× When I was a child I liked to make planes with paper or whenever it it was raining me and my friends made paper boats and sail them on the water.

✓ When I was a child, I liked to make planes out of paper. Whenever it was raining, my friends and I made paper boats and sailed them on the water.

Use my friends and I when the pronoun is part of the subject. Me is an object pronoun and cannot be used as the subject of made.

× When I was a child I liked to make planes with paper or whenever it it was raining me and my friends made paper boats and sail them on the water.

✓ When I was a child, I liked to make planes out of paper. Whenever it was raining, my friends and I made paper boats and sailed them on the water.

The response describes past activities, so the coordinated verbs must be in the past tense. Made and sailed should have matching past-tense forms.

× When I was a child I liked to make planes with paper or whenever it it was raining me and my friends made paper boats and sail them on the water.

✓ When I was a child, I liked to make planes out of paper. Whenever it was raining, my friends and I made paper boats and sailed them on the water.

The original sentence combines two different activities with an unclear or structure. Use separate sentences and a comma after the introductory when-clause to make the meaning clear.

× No, I don't write physical letters now because their technology has changed.

✓ No, I don't write physical letters now because technology has changed.

Their is a possessive pronoun referring to people or things already mentioned. It is not needed before the uncountable noun technology in this sentence.

× So they are faster and more secure than the predators.

✓ So they are faster and more secure than traditional letters.

A comparison must use an appropriate comparison object. Predators are not a type of communication, so traditional letters is the logical object of comparison.

× I believe some people keep handwritten letters today because in handwritten letters they have memories of their loved ones and they they remembered the person whenever they see the paper letter.

✓ I believe some people keep handwritten letters today because these letters contain memories of their loved ones. They remember those people whenever they see the letters.

The pronoun they is repeated accidentally, and the reference should be made clear. Use these letters and those people to avoid unclear or repeated pronouns.

× I believe some people keep handwritten letters today because in handwritten letters they have memories of their loved ones and they they remembered the person whenever they see the paper letter.

✓ I believe some people keep handwritten letters today because these letters contain memories of their loved ones. They remember those people whenever they see the letters.

The sentence describes what people generally do, so use the present tense remember, not the past-tense form remembered.

× So it is a memorable letters.

✓ Therefore, these are memorable letters.

Letters is plural, so it cannot be used with the singular article a or the singular pronoun it. Use these are with the plural noun letters.

× I don't carry paper but I do carry pen with me whenever I go out because sometimes we have to write some information or fill out the forms in the bank so I always carry the pen with me.

✓ I don't carry paper, but I do carry a pen with me whenever I go out because sometimes we have to write down information or fill out forms at the bank. Therefore, I always carry a pen with me.

A singular countable noun such as pen needs an article. Use a pen when referring to one nonspecific pen. The forms is also unnecessarily specific here, so forms is more natural.

× I don't carry paper but I do carry pen with me whenever I go out because sometimes we have to write some information or fill out the forms in the bank so I always carry the pen with me.

✓ I don't carry paper, but I do carry a pen with me whenever I go out because sometimes we have to write down information or fill out forms at the bank. Therefore, I always carry a pen with me.

Use at the bank to refer to an activity or location taking place at a bank. In the bank emphasizes being physically inside the building and is less natural in this context.

× I don't carry paper but I do carry pen with me whenever I go out because sometimes we have to write some information or fill out the forms in the bank so I always carry the pen with me.

✓ I don't carry paper, but I do carry a pen with me whenever I go out because sometimes we have to write down information or fill out forms at the bank. Therefore, I always carry a pen with me.

The original sentence contains too many clauses joined without punctuation. Add commas and separate the final idea into a new sentence to improve clarity.