Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise, correct grammar and finish sentences. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific detail. Use linking words if adding a reason. Avoid repetition and incorrect phrases (e.g., "flat seed of paper").

例: Yes. I used to make paper boats and origami when I was a child. I particularly enjoyed folding flat sheets into three-dimensional shapes because it felt creative and satisfying.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific, grammatical supporting details. Use linking words (for example, because, so) and correct word choice (e.g., "creative", "folded" not "frog"). Keep to under five sentences.

例: I liked folding paper boats as a child because it was creative and relaxing. For example, after it rained I would fold small boats and float them in puddles, which made me proud when they floated.

提案: Good structure and clarity. Improve vocabulary and grammar: say "for official purposes" and use singular/plural correctly ("documentation" not "documentations"). You can add a brief linking phrase to explain frequency.

例: I rarely write physical letters nowadays, but I do when required for official purposes. For example, I write a physical reference letter or documentation when an employer or institution requests it.

提案: Use more formal language (avoid "Yeah"). Make the reason specific and correct grammar: "they keep letters from special occasions such as anniversaries or birthdays." Remove repetition and use linking words like "for example" correctly.

例: Some people do keep handwritten letters because they appreciate the personal touch compared with digital messages. For example, people often keep cards or letters from special occasions, such as anniversaries or birthdays.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and correct common grammar errors ("I usually" instead of "Guess I", "jot down" not "join down", "when something comes to mind"). Keep it to one or two sentences and use linking words like "because" correctly.

例: I usually carry paper and a pen when I go out because I like to jot down ideas as soon as they come to mind so I don't forget them.

× When I was a child I made paper clay boat and origami.

✓ When I was a child, I made paper clay boats and did origami.

The original sentence is missing articles and has incorrect coordination of activities. 'paper clay boat' needs plural 'boats' or an article; 'origami' is an activity so use 'did origami'. Also add a comma after the introductory clause for clarity. Suggestion: include articles and parallel verb forms.

× I enjoyed a flat seed of paper into three dimensional three dimensional model because it felt creative.

✓ I enjoyed folding a flat sheet of paper into a three-dimensional model because it felt creative.

The phrase used incorrect noun forms and repeated words. 'enjoyed folding' requires the -ing form after 'enjoyed'. 'flat seed' should be 'flat sheet'. Use hyphenated adjective 'three-dimensional'. Remove duplication. Suggestion: use correct noun choices and -ing after 'enjoyed'.

× It was

✓ It was fun.

This fragment lacks a complement; 'It was' is an incomplete sentence. Add an adjective or phrase to complete the idea, e.g., 'It was fun.' Suggestion: always provide a predicate to complete 'It was'.

× When I was a child, I liked to make a paper boat.

✓ When I was a child, I liked to make paper boats.

For habitual childhood activities, plural 'paper boats' is more natural than singular 'a paper boat' unless referring to a single instance. This is a number/style choice to match general habitual action. Suggestion: use plural for repeated actions.

× I really enjoyed it because it was created and relaxing and I felt proud when the paper turned into something.

✓ I really enjoyed it because it was creative and relaxing, and I felt proud when the paper turned into something.

'created' is incorrect; the correct adjective is 'creative'. Also add a comma before 'and' to separate clauses. Suggestion: choose correct adjective forms and punctuation for clarity.

× For example, I often frog them into the paddles after rain.

✓ For example, I often folded them into little boats after the rain.

'frog' is incorrect verb choice; likely intended 'fold'. 'paddles' is unlikely the intended noun; 'little boats' fits context. Use past tense 'folded' to match 'When I was a child'. Add article 'the' before 'rain'. Suggestion: pick correct verbs and nouns and maintain tense consistency.

× I rarely write physical letters, but I do write them when requested.

✓ I rarely write physical letters, but I do write them when requested.

Sentence is grammatically correct; it matches present habitual action and passive request context. No correction needed. Explanation: correct use of 'rarely' and present simple; keep as is.

× For example when I need to provide official purposes, such as official documentations or a reference, I write a physical letter.

✓ For example, when I need to provide official documents or a reference, I write a physical letter.

'provide official purposes' is incorrect; use 'provide official documents' or 'for official purposes'. 'documentations' is nonstandard; use 'documents'. Add comma after introductory phrase. Suggestion: use correct noun forms and common collocations.

× Yeah, some people still keep handwritten letters today because they prefer the personal touch of handling to digital messages.

✓ Yes, some people still keep handwritten letters today because they prefer the personal touch of handling them to digital messages.

The verb 'handling' needs an object; add 'them' to indicate what is handled. Also 'Yeah' changed to 'Yes' for formality. Suggestion: ensure verbs that require objects have them.

× For example, they they write a special occasion such as anniversary or someone's birthday.

✓ For example, they write them for special occasions such as anniversaries or someone's birthday.

Duplicate word 'they they'. The sentence lacks object for 'write'—add 'them' (letters). Use plural 'occasions' and 'anniversaries' for general cases. Also add preposition 'for'. Suggestion: remove duplication and include necessary objects and prepositions.

× Guess I always carry paper and pens when I go out because I like to join down when something come to my mind suddenly and I don't like to forget

✓ I guess I always carry paper and pens when I go out because I like to jot things down when something comes to my mind suddenly, and I don't like to forget.

Multiple issues: missing subject 'I' at start, incorrect verb 'join' should be 'jot', missing plural/object 'things', verb agreement 'come' should be 'comes', missing period at end. Use commas to separate clauses. Suggestion: use correct verbs ('jot down'), ensure subject-verb agreement, and include objects.