Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details using linking words. Avoid minor grammar errors (learned/learnt) and redundant phrasing.

例: Yes. I used to make paper aeroplanes as a child. I learned the technique from my teacher during craft lessons, and I was thrilled the first time my plane actually flew well.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and use specific, correctly phrased details. Use linking words (for example, sometimes, and) and correct verb tenses and collocations ('make toys' or 'craft figures', 'paintings on paper').

例: As a child, I enjoyed making paper toys and kites. For example, I often folded small figures to play with friends, and sometimes we painted pictures on paper to decorate our rooms.

提案: Provide a direct topic sentence and one clear reason with a linking phrase. Use natural vocabulary (email instead of 'letters via emails') and avoid awkward phrases like 'I think and feel'.

例: No, I rarely write physical letters nowadays. Instead, I usually send emails because they look more professional and are faster; for instance, I often use a cafe to type and send longer messages.

提案: Avoid vague language. Start with a clear opinion, then support it with reasons or an example using linking words. Correct grammar: 'In the digital age, many people use electronic methods.'

例: I'm not sure everyone keeps handwritten letters, but in the digital age many people prefer electronic messages. For example, most personal correspondence is now emailed or sent by messaging apps, though some people still keep sentimental handwritten notes.

提案: Good direct answer. Shorten and clarify with one concise reason and a linking phrase. Use plural 'pens' and 'paper' or 'a notebook and a pen' for natural phrasing.

例: Yes, I usually carry a small notebook and a pen in case I need to jot down an important message or reminders when my phone isn't available.

× Yes, when I was a child I made an aeroplane using a piece of paper.

✓ Yes, when I was a child I made an aeroplane out of a piece of paper.

The original sentence uses 'using a piece of paper' which is understandable but less natural; 'made out of' is the idiomatic past-tense expression for materials used to construct something. Use past tense 'made' correctly; change preposition to 'out of' for naturalness.

× I learnt these skills from my teacher when she taught us on craft making.

✓ I learnt these skills from my teacher when she taught us craft making.

The preposition 'on' is unnecessary and unidiomatic after 'taught us'. Remove 'on' to make the phrase 'taught us craft making' (or better: 'taught us how to make crafts'). This corrects prepositional misuse and improves clarity.

× I was so happy when my plane could fly.

✓ I was so happy when my plane could fly. -> I was so happy when my plane flew.

Using 'could fly' suggests ability; in a past narrative it's more natural to state the event as 'flew'. 'Flew' is the simple past of 'fly' and fits the sequence of past events.

× I love making people playing and sometimes I make kites.

✓ I loved making paper people to play with, and sometimes I made kites.

The question asks about childhood activities (past). The student incorrectly uses present tense 'I love' and an awkward phrase 'making people playing'. Change to past tense 'loved' and use 'paper people to play with' or 'paper dolls' to express intended meaning; maintain past tense consistency.

× Most of the time I also join my friends to make some beautiful paintings with papers too.

✓ Most of the time I also joined my friends to make some beautiful paintings on paper.

Maintain past tense 'joined' for childhood context. 'Make paintings with papers' is awkward: paintings are made on paper, so use 'on paper'. Remove redundant 'too' and correct preposition.

× No, I don't write physical letters.

✓ No, I don't write physical letters now.

Context asks if currently write physical letters; original 'I don't write physical letters' is grammatically acceptable, but adding 'now' clarifies present situation. This is optional; if keeping simple present is intended, it's acceptable.

× I send letters via emails and most of the time I do go to a Sabbath Cafe to type and send it.

✓ I send letters via email, and most of the time I go to a café on the Sabbath to type and send them.

Use 'email' (uncountable) rather than 'emails' after 'via', and ensure agreement: 'them' for plural 'letters'. 'Do go' is unnecessary auxiliary; simple present 'go' is natural. 'Sabbath Cafe' likely 'café on the Sabbath' for clarity. Correct punctuation and article use.

× I think and feel it's more formal and more presentable.

✓ I think it's more formal and more presentable.

'I think and feel' is redundant; choose one. Contraction 'it's' is fine. Keep comparative 'more formal' and 'more presentable'. This fixes redundancy and improves fluency.

× I don't have an idea, but when the digital age I believe everybody uses an electronic means of sending letter.

✓ I don't know, but in the digital age I believe everybody uses electronic means to send letters.

'I don't have an idea' is unidiomatic; use 'I don't know'. 'When the digital age' should be 'in the digital age'. 'An electronic means of sending letter' should be pluralized and rephrased to 'electronic means to send letters'. This corrects sentence structure, prepositions, and plurality.

× Yes, I carry paper and pen in case I want to write an important message or something I need to address later if my phone is not with me.

✓ Yes, I carry paper and a pen in case I want to write an important message or something I need to address later if my phone is not with me.

Add the article 'a' before 'pen'. The rest of the sentence is acceptable though slightly wordy; grammar error is missing article. This corrects article usage.