Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 在回答中要更直接和简洁地回应问题，注意时态和语法一致性，避免重复。可以先用一句主题句说明是否做过，然后补充一到两句具体细节（例如制作什么、给谁、对方反应）。注意用连词（for example, so）使表达连贯。

例: Yes, I used to make paper flowers for my mother when I was a child. For her birthday I folded and colored the petals to make a bouquet, and she was very happy to receive it as a handmade gift.

提案: 回答要有明确的主题句并完成句子，不要中途断句或重复单词。补充细节时用连接词（because, so, for example）说明原因和场景，如何时画、画什么、感觉如何。尽量限制在3–4句内。

例: I liked to draw pictures on paper when I was a child because it helped me relax. For example, I often drew the scenery I saw in the park, such as trees and mountains, and this made me feel calm and creative.

提案: 回答要用正确的时态并避免重复词汇。先直接回答是否仍写信，然后给出一两个具体理由并用连接词衔接（for example, because）。结尾可总结句使结构完整。

例: Yes, I still write physical letters sometimes, especially for my best friend's birthday. I find hand-written notes more personal because they show effort, and my friend can keep them as a lasting memory.

提案: 回答时应更直接并避免填充词（you know）。给出一般性的陈述后，用具体例子支持并用连词（for instance, because）说明原因。注意不要重复词语，并完成句子。

例: Yes, many people still keep handwritten letters, especially as sentimental keepsakes. For instance, my mother has kept a letter I wrote to her when I was a child because it reminds her of happy memories.

提案: 回答要简洁明确并避免冗词。先直接回答yes或no，然后用一到两句给出原因并用连接词（because, so）衔接。可提供简单对比（phones vs paper）。

例: No, I usually don't carry paper and pens when I go out because smartphones are more convenient for taking notes. For quick reminders I just use my phone rather than carrying a notebook and pen.

× Yes, in my childhood time, I usually make laid the flower with paper that as a gift for my mom.

✓ Yes, in my childhood I usually made paper flowers as gifts for my mom.

原句时态与表达不一致且有多余词语。1) “in my childhood time”不自然，可简化为“in my childhood”。2) 句中描述过去习惯应使用一般过去时，故将“make”改为“made”。3) “laid the flower with paper that as a gift”结构混乱，正确表达为“made paper flowers as gifts”。建议：使用简单、常见的固定搭配（make paper flowers / as gifts），并保持时态一致。

× For my mom's birthday, my mom my mom liked a flowers best and she was so happy when she received a paper flower and I was appreciated.

✓ For my mom's birthday, she liked the paper flowers best and was so happy when she received one; I appreciated that.

原句存在重复和结构混乱：1) “my mom my mom”重复，应使用代词“she”。2) “liked a flowers best”数量和冠词错误，应为“liked the paper flowers best”或“liked one best”。3) “I was appreciated”被动且不合语境，应为主动“I appreciated that”或“I was happy”。建议：避免重复，使用正确的冠词与代词，并用主动语态表达自己的感受。

× Actually I usually with my paper to just draw in my childhood time.

✓ Actually, I usually just drew on paper when I was a child.

原句语序与动词形式错误：1) 描述过去习惯用一般过去时“drew”，而非现在式。2) 介词搭配应为 “draw on paper”，不是“with my paper”。3) “in my childhood time”冗长，改为“when I was a child”。建议：注意动词时态和常见动词与介词搭配。

× You know, drawing in the paper is a relaxing process for me to relieve my stress and I always went to the park and enjoy the beautiful beautiful scenery and mountains.

✓ You know, drawing on paper was a relaxing way for me to relieve stress, and I always went to the park to enjoy the beautiful scenery and mountains.

原句时态混用和搭配问题：1) 如果谈过去习惯，应把“is”改为“was”。2) “drawing on paper”是固定搭配。3) “a relaxing process for me to relieve my stress”冗长，改为“a relaxing way for me to relieve stress”。4) “went to the park and enjoy”时态不一致，统一为“went... to enjoy”。建议：保持时态一致，使用自然搭配并去掉重复词。

× I think this will be made me

✓ I think this made me happy.

原句不完整且语序错误：1) “will be made me”语法不成立。2) 根据上下文应表达结果为“made me happy”或“made me feel relaxed”。建议：用完整的主谓宾结构并选择合适时态（过去）。

× Of course, you know, if my best friend had a birthday, I usually want to write the physical letters to her.

✓ Of course, if my best friend has a birthday, I usually want to write a physical letter to her.

原句时态与冠词问题：1) 条件句若指一般事实应使用现在时“has”，而不是过去“had”。2) “the physical letters”冠词和数不当，改为“a physical letter”。3) “usually want”虽可接受，但更自然可用“usually like to write”。建议：条件句注意时态，一般情况用现在时；注意冠词与单复数。

× I think this is a process that gives me a chance to express my sincere feelings and my friend can keep the keep, keep the letter forever, which reminds me

✓ I think it gives me a chance to express my sincere feelings, and my friend can keep the letter forever, which reminds me of those memories.

原句冗长且有重复：1) “the keep, keep”重复，应为“keep the letter”。2) 从句“which reminds me”需具体宾语，改为“which reminds me of those memories”。3) 开头“this is a process that gives me a chance”可简化为“it gives me a chance”。建议：去掉重复，补全从句宾语，使句子完整连贯。

× Yeah, it is, you know, there are many people who keep letters especially my mom, you know, in the childhood, I wrote a letter to her as a gift card and she just kept kept it until now and always remind remind her the happy process.

✓ Yes, there are many people who keep letters, especially my mom. When I was a child, I wrote a letter to her as a gift, and she has kept it until now; it always reminds her of happy times.

原句时态与重复问题：1) “in the childhood, I wrote”应为“When I was a child, I wrote”。2) “she just kept kept it until now”重复且时态应用现在完成“has kept”表示从过去到现在持续。3) “always remind remind her the happy process”重复且缺介词，应为“reminds her of happy times”。建议：使用现在完成表示持续保存，去掉重复并补全介词短语。

× No, actually, you know, in modern times the phones and iPads are usually overwhelming and welcome welcome.

✓ No. Nowadays, phones and iPads are usually more common and welcome.

原句“overwhelming and welcome welcome”表达混乱且重复：1) “overwhelming”不合上下文，意图应是“more common”或“more popular”。2) “welcome welcome”重复，应为“welcome”或“popular”。3) “the phones and iPads”定冠词冗余，改为泛指“phones and iPads”。建议：用简洁准确的词语表达流行或普及，避免重复。

× So you know, and the pen and paper may be complicated for us to just write down something and it was it is inconvenient.

✓ So pen and paper can be inconvenient for us to use when we just need to write something down.

原句时态与语序混乱：1) “may be complicated for us to just write down something”表达不自然，应为“can be inconvenient for us to use when we just need to write something down”。2) “it was it is inconvenient”自相矛盾并有冗余，统一用“can be inconvenient”。建议：保持一致时态，简化表达，按英语习惯调整词序。