Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more concise: start with a direct topic sentence, correct vocabulary (e.g. 'cranes' or 'paper crafts' not 'grabs'), avoid repetition, and use one or two supporting details with linking words. Also watch verb forms and article use.

例: Yes. I often make simple paper crafts for my children, such as paper airplanes and little paper boats. For example, my eldest son loves colorful paper cranes, so I fold them with bright paper and sometimes decorate them with markers.

提案: Start with a clear past-tense topic sentence, use correct pronouns and articles, and give one or two specific supporting details connected with linking words. Avoid run-on sentences.

例: As a child, I enjoyed making paper boxes to store my toys. My mother taught me how to fold them, and later my grandmother showed me more craft techniques, so I kept practicing at school and at home.

提案: Give a direct answer first (yes/no), then briefly explain when and why you write letters. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases; use one linking phrase for coherence.

例: Yes, I still write physical letters sometimes, especially when I travel or visit relatives. I find handwritten notes more personal, so I send them on special occasions.

提案: Answer directly and give two clear reasons with linking words. Use specific examples and finish your sentence. Avoid vague phrases like 'gives them ideas' without explanation.

例: Yes, many people still keep handwritten letters because they are sentimental and can be treasured as keepsakes. For example, older generations save letters from family, and some writers keep drafts by hand for inspiration.

提案: Start with a clear yes/no, then explain briefly with specific details and one linking word. Correct vocabulary ('notebooks' instead of 'stictionaries') and avoid redundancy.

例: Yes, I usually carry a small notebook and a pen because I like to jot down ideas on the go. For instance, I keep a pocket-sized notebook with colored paper samples and write notes whenever inspiration comes.

× Yes, I've made crabs with paper like airplanes, boat.

✓ Yes, I've made paper crafts like crabs, airplanes, and boats.

The original sentence misorders and omits plural forms. 'Made' is correct as present perfect, but 'crabs with paper like airplanes, boat' is unclear. Use 'paper crafts' and plural nouns 'airplanes' and 'boats' for clarity and correct noun forms. Suggestion: Group items with commas and include plural endings when listing multiple items.

× I made those for my kids because they enjoy making crabs with paper, especially my eldest son.

✓ I made them for my children because they enjoy making paper crabs, especially my eldest son.

'Those' is vague; 'them' or 'paper crabs' is clearer. 'Kids' is informal; 'children' is more neutral. Also 'making crabs with paper' is better as 'making paper crabs' to show correct noun-modifier order. Suggestion: Use precise pronouns and place modifiers before nouns.

× He likes me to make some grabs from paper and he enjoys it with color and with things.

✓ He likes me to make some paper crafts, and he enjoys decorating them with colors and other materials.

Pronoun and noun choice errors: 'grabs' is a typo for 'crafts'; 'from paper' is better as 'paper crafts'. 'It' is vague; use 'them' to refer to plural crafts. 'With color and with things' is vague; specify 'decorating them with colors and other materials.' Suggestion: Use plural pronouns to match plural nouns and choose precise vocabulary.

× I like to do with paper when I was a child.

✓ I liked to play with paper when I was a child.

Tense inconsistency: 'I like' (present) conflicts with 'when I was a child' (past). Use past tense 'liked' to match the time reference. Also 'do with paper' is unnatural; 'play with paper' or 'make things with paper' is better. Suggestion: Match verb tense to the time expression and use natural collocations.

× What I like is my box because I can put all my toys there and my mom taught me how to do it and I also learn from school and also my grandmother he usually do craft

✓ What I liked was my box because I could put all my toys in it; my mom taught me how to make it, I also learned at school, and my grandmother usually did crafts.

Multiple errors: tense must be past ('liked','could','learned','did'). 'My box' is fine but 'put... there' should be 'in it'. 'He' incorrectly refers to 'grandmother'; use no pronoun or 'she'. 'Do craft' should be 'did crafts' or 'made crafts'. Suggestion: Keep past tense consistent for childhood descriptions and ensure pronouns agree with antecedents.

× I still write physical letters While at Nako yes, I still write physical letters, physical letters.

✓ Yes, I still write physical letters. While I was at Nako, I wrote physical letters.

Sentence repeats and mixes present and past without clarity. The first clause affirms current habit (present simple); the reference to 'at Nako' likely refers to a past time, so use past tense 'wrote'. Remove repetition. Suggestion: Separate statements about current habits and past situations into distinct sentences and match tense accordingly.

× I believe there are still people who keep handwritten letters today because some of them enjoy writing on paper.

✓ I believe there are still people who keep handwritten letters today because some enjoy writing on paper.

'Some of them' is wordy and unnecessary after 'people who'. 'Some enjoy' is concise. Grammatically the original is acceptable but can be improved for clarity. Suggestion: Omit redundant phrases to make sentences more natural.

× It gives them Ideas when they write a paper and occasionally they do that in a traditional way because they just love and

✓ Writing on paper gives them ideas, and occasionally they do it in a traditional way because they just love it.

Fragment and capitalization errors: 'Ideas' should be lowercase, 'write a paper' is ambiguous (could mean academic paper); use 'writing on paper'. The sentence ends abruptly; complete with 'it'. Suggestion: Complete thoughts fully and choose precise expressions; avoid sentence fragments.

× Actually I do because I'm also a traditional person and I love pen and paper.

✓ Actually I do, because I'm quite traditional and I love pens and paper.

'A traditional person' is awkward; 'quite traditional' is more natural. Use plural 'pens' when speaking generally. Add comma for clarity. Suggestion: Use natural adjective forms and plural nouns for general preference statements.

× Usually I collect different kinds of or different colors of paper and some stictionaries and I just whenever I have an idea I usually write it on paper

✓ Usually I collect different kinds and colors of paper and some stationery; whenever I have an idea, I usually write it down on paper.

Errors: 'kinds of or different colors of paper' is redundant; 'stictionaries' is a misspelling of 'stationery'. 'I just whenever' is ungrammatical. Add 'down' after 'write' for natural phrasing and commas for clarity. Suggestion: Use correct vocabulary ('stationery'), avoid redundancy, and use common verb patterns like 'write down'.