Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar; start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and add one specific example. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, "because" or "which").

例: Yes, I often made paper crafts as a child. My kindergarten teacher gave us weekly projects to do at home with our parents, which helped improve our fine motor skills and creativity. For example, I remember making paper houses with my mother that taught me how to plan steps and solve small problems.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and one or two specific reasons with correct grammar; avoid fillers and repeated words. Use linking words like "because" and "for example" to make your point coherent.

例: I liked making paper animals such as butterflies and ladybugs because they felt meaningful and familiar. For example, creating a paper ladybug reminded me of real insects and helped me learn about their shapes and colors.

提案: Respond directly with one clear reason and a specific example; correct tense and article errors. Keep it to 2–3 sentences and use linking words like "because" or "when".

例: Yes, I still write physical letters occasionally because they feel more meaningful than digital messages. For instance, I wrote a handwritten letter to my boyfriend when he graduated to express my appreciation and congratulations.

提案: Make a concise statement and give one clear reason with a short example; fix grammar (subject–verb agreement) and avoid vague fillers like "you know". Use linking words such as "therefore" or "because".

例: Yes, I believe people still keep handwritten letters because they are tangible reminders of effort and affection. Therefore, many people keep letters from loved ones as keepsakes for the future.

提案: Start with a clear direct answer and use linking phrases to compare choices. Correct repetition and awkward phrasing; be specific about when you use each method.

例: It depends on where I am going. For long lectures I prefer pen and paper because it helps me organize thoughts and take detailed notes, while for short meetings I usually use my phone for quick reminders.

× Yes, I have made crafts with paper. When I was in kindergarten.

✓ Yes, I made crafts with paper when I was in kindergarten.

The two short sentences should be combined into one to form a complete sentence with a clear time reference. The original second fragment 'When I was in kindergarten.' is a sentence fragment without a main clause. Combine and use simple past 'made' to match the past time phrase.

× My kindergarten teachers often gave us a project that I need needed to complete at home with my mother or at kindergarten,

✓ My kindergarten teachers often gave us projects that I needed to complete at home with my mother or at kindergarten,

Use the past tense 'needed' (not present 'need') because the action took place in the past. Also use plural 'projects' to match 'often gave us' and make number agreement consistent.

× and I think it was a great way to improve children's brain, brain development.

✓ and I think it was a great way to improve children's brain development.

Reduce redundancy by removing the repeated word 'brain' and use the compound noun 'brain development'. This corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies meaning.

× So it contributes contributes the a great impact on have to solve a problem later on there life.

✓ So it has a great impact on their ability to solve problems later in life.

Fix repeated word 'contributes', replace 'the a' with 'a', use 'their' (correct pronoun) instead of 'there', and rephrase 'have to solve a problem' to 'ability to solve problems' for correct meaning and subject-verb agreement and natural phrasing.

× I mostly like to make animals with papers like butterflies, ladybugs because I feel like.

✓ I mostly liked making animals from paper, such as butterflies and ladybugs, because I felt it was meaningful.

Tense should match the question about childhood, so use past 'liked' and gerund 'making'. Use uncountable 'paper' instead of 'papers' and add 'such as' for examples. Complete the fragment 'because I feel like' into a full clause 'because I felt it was meaningful'.

× It was way more meaningful. Creating that is something real.

✓ It was much more meaningful; creating something tangible felt real.

Use comparative 'much more' and 'creating something tangible' is a clearer noun phrase. 'Felt real' provides a past-tense verb to match the context.

× In other words, Ladybug is real in life, so creating something that is exists exists is.

✓ In other words, ladybugs exist in real life, so creating something that exists feels meaningful.

Correct capitalization and plural 'ladybugs'. Remove repeated word 'exists' and restructure to 'creating something that exists feels meaningful' for grammatical correctness and clarity.

× Yes, I do still write physical letters occasionally in this contemporary society, writing and physical letters has become more precious and meaningful than it has ever been performed so I only write letters when something important or crucial thing happen in my life or for.

✓ Yes, I still write physical letters occasionally. In contemporary society, handwritten letters have become more precious and meaningful than before, so I only write them when something important happens in my life or for a special person.

Separate into sentences for clarity. Use present simple 'I still write' and present perfect 'have become'. Use plural 'letters' pronoun 'them', and correct verb agreement 'happens'. Remove 'performed' which is incorrect here.

× Special person The last time I wrote physical letters were for my loved one, my boyfriend, because I feel.

✓ The last time I wrote a physical letter was for my loved one, my boyfriend, because I felt it was important.

Combine fragments and correct subject-verb agreement: 'the last time... was' (singular). Use 'a physical letter' and past tense 'felt'. Remove orphan fragment 'Special person'.

× I wholeheartedly believe that they do because as I mentioned, handwritten letters has a deep, meaningful and precious sense to itself.

✓ I wholeheartedly believe that they do because, as I mentioned, handwritten letters have a deep, meaningful, and precious quality.

'Letters' is plural so use 'have' not 'has'. Replace 'sense to itself' with 'quality' for natural English and add commas for clarity.

× So basically, keeping it would, you know, as a is a form of appreciating the other. Effort and love was the in the future, it can be a.

✓ Basically, keeping them is a way of appreciating the other person's effort and love; in the future, they can be valuable keepsakes.

Rewrite fragmented and unclear sentences into coherent ones. Use plural 'them' to refer to letters, 'other person's' for possessive, and 'can be valuable keepsakes' to finish the thought.

× Well, it depends on where I go. If I'm attending a long hours of lecture lessons, I would prefer pen and paper because they are better to organize my thoughts and take note.

✓ Well, it depends on where I go. If I'm attending long lectures, I prefer pen and paper because they are better for organizing my thoughts and taking notes.

Use 'long lectures' not 'a long hours of lecture lessons'. Use 'prefer' (simple present) for habitual action, 'better for organizing' and gerund 'taking notes' with plural 'notes'.

× Take it is easier to take note.

✓ It's easier to take notes.

Condense fragment into a single sentence, use contraction 'It's' and plural 'notes'. Correct sentence structure.

× However, on the other hand, I prefer my notes from my phone for, you know, a short, short discussion sessions.

✓ However, for short discussion sessions, I prefer to use notes on my phone.

Avoid redundant phrase 'on the other hand' with 'however'. Use 'for short discussion sessions' and 'notes on my phone' or 'to use notes on my phone' for natural phrasing; remove repeated 'short' and fix plurality 'sessions'.