Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details using linking words. Fix tense and word choice (e.g., “in elementary school,” “He loved origami,” “swans”). Avoid redundant phrases.

例: Yes. I made paper crafts in elementary school. My teacher loved origami, so he taught us how to fold swans and birds, and I enjoyed decorating them with colored paper.

提案: Good direct answer and relevant reasons. Improve accuracy and fluency by fixing small grammar errors and being slightly more specific. Use linking words (for example, because, so) and avoid vague phrases like “we don't even.”

例: No, I don't write physical letters anymore because technology has made messaging much faster. Instead of texts, many people now send voice messages, although I would still like to try writing a letter someday.

提案: Answer directly then give a brief, specific qualification. Correct capitalization and redundancy. Use a linking phrase to introduce the exception and provide an example (e.g., grandparents).

例: Generally no — few people keep handwritten letters today. However, some older people, such as my grandparents, still save letters from the past.

提案: Keep the answer natural and grammatical. Begin with a clear topic sentence and explain why briefly with a specific example. Remove incorrect prepositions (‘give up from’) and redundancy.

例: Yes, I usually carry a small notebook and a pen when I go out because I like to jot down ideas or make quick lists.

提案: Use past tense and a clear structure: topic sentence plus one or two concrete details. Correct verb forms and word order, and avoid filler words like “etcetera.”

例: As a child I loved making origami and doing crafts with my aunt. Before school we often drew pictures, folded paper animals, and decorated them with crayons.

× Yes, I did. When I was in my elementary school time, I did some origami with the guidance from my teacher.

✓ Yes, I did. When I was in elementary school, I made some origami with guidance from my teacher.

Use simple past for completed actions (made) instead of did (did is okay but 'made origami' is natural). 'in my elementary school time' is awkward; use 'in elementary school'. Omit 'the' before 'guidance' and 'from' can be omitted: 'with guidance from my teacher' or 'with my teacher's guidance'. Suggestion: Use 'made' for creating origami and say 'in elementary school'.

× He was fun of origami and he was making some Swans, birds, etcetera and he liked our papers.

✓ He was fond of origami; he used to make swans and other birds, and he liked our papers.

'Was fun of' is incorrect; correct phrase is 'was fond of'. Use 'used to make' for habitual past actions. Capitalization: 'swans' should be lowercase. 'etcetera' is informal; 'other birds' is clearer. Combine clauses with proper conjunctions or punctuation. Suggestion: Use 'was fond of' and 'used to' for repeated past actions.

× Unfortunately, no, I am not writing any physical letters at the moment.

✓ Unfortunately, no. I am not writing any physical letters at the moment.

Comma splice: use a period instead of a comma to separate responses. The tense and verb are fine; just correct punctuation. Suggestion: Separate short answers with periods for clarity.

× With development in technology, we don't even write texts messages anymore.

✓ With developments in technology, we don't even write text messages anymore.

Use plural 'developments' or 'the development' for natural English. 'Texts messages' is incorrect word order and pluralization; correct form is 'text messages'. Suggestion: Say 'the development of technology' or 'developments in technology' and 'text messages'.

× We just send voice memos to our loved ones or friends.

✓ We just send voice memos to our loved ones or friends.

Sentence is grammatically correct. No change needed. Suggestion: None.

× But I would like to.

✓ But I would like to.

This sentence is acceptable in context as a short response meaning 'I would like to write letters.' No change needed. Suggestion: Optionally complete the idea: 'But I would like to.' is fine.

× Unfortunately no, At least as far as I know, no.

✓ Unfortunately no. At least as far as I know, no.

Capitalization error: 'At' should not be capitalized after a comma; also use a period to separate the clauses for clarity. Suggestion: Use proper capitalization and punctuation.

× Maybe some old people like my grandparents, but I haven't seen any example at all with my own eyes.

✓ Maybe some older people, like my grandparents, do, but I haven't seen any examples with my own eyes.

Use 'older people' rather than 'old people' for politeness. Add auxiliary 'do' to complete the clause 'do (keep letters)'. 'Any example' should be plural 'any examples' in this context. 'At all' is redundant with 'any'; 'with my own eyes' is fine. Suggestion: Use 'do' for short answers and pluralize 'examples'.

× Yes, because I can't give up from paper and pen wherever I go.

✓ Yes, because I can't give up paper and pen wherever I go.

Incorrect preposition 'give up from' — correct is 'give up' with no preposition. Remove 'the' before items unless specific. Suggestion: Say 'give up paper and pen' or 'give up using paper and pen'.

× I will do origami or doing some craftsmanship with my papers with my aunt before went to school we were doing like drawings, some doodles etcetera.

✓ I used to make origami or do crafts with my aunt before going to school; we would draw pictures and doodle.

Original mixes tenses and forms incorrectly. Use 'used to' or 'would' for habitual past actions. 'Do origami' is better as 'make origami' or 'do origami'; use 'do crafts' or 'make crafts' instead of 'doing some craftsmanship'. 'Before went to school' needs 'before going to school'. Separate ideas with proper punctuation. 'We were doing like drawings' is informal and ungrammatical; use 'we would draw pictures and doodle'. Suggestion: Use past habitual constructions and correct gerund forms ('going to').