Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more concise. Start with a direct topic sentence (Yes, I used to make paper crafts as a child.), then give two specific examples using linking words (for example, I cut out shapes to decorate my room and I made cards to give to friends and family). Avoid repetition and correct small grammar errors (e.g. “send them to friends” not “send it to letters”).

例: Yes, I used to make paper crafts as a child. For example, I cut out shapes and paper flowers to decorate my room, and I also made handmade cards and small gifts to give to friends and family at school.

提案: Answer directly, then explain purpose with linking words. Start with a clear topic sentence (Sometimes, yes.) and then give specific reasons and typical situations (e.g. I write letters for myself as a memory or on postcards). Reduce hesitation phrases and correct small phrasing errors (e.g. “on the back of a postcard”).

例: Sometimes I do, but I usually keep them rather than send them. For example, I write short notes or postcards to my future self as a way to record memories, and then I keep them in a box or a journal.

提案: Organise your ideas and avoid repetition. Begin with a clear opinion sentence (Yes, many people still keep handwritten letters.), then support it with two reasons using linking words (because they show effort and feel more personal). Avoid pronoun errors (use “they” instead of “he”) and tighten language.

例: Yes, many people still keep handwritten letters because they show effort and feel more personal than a text. For example, a letter can express appreciation in a deeper way, and it often becomes a keepsake that someone cherishes.

提案: Combine short answers into one fluent response and provide specific examples. Start with a topic sentence (Yes, I often carry a pen and some paper.), then give two practical reasons using linking words (for studying and for unexpected needs like signing forms). Remove redundancies and refine phrasing (e.g. “for important signatures” instead of “any importance that you can't predict”).

例: Yes, I often carry a pen and some paper. For instance, when I study I use them to make notes, and when I’m out running errands I might need a pen to sign documents or jot down information unexpectedly.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and then two specific supporting details with linking words. Correct tense and repetition (use past tense: “I loved”). Be specific about activities and outcomes (e.g. painted backgrounds, did calligraphy on vases, sometimes sold or gifted them). Keep to under five sentences.

例: As a child I loved drawing and practising calligraphy. I often painted colourful backgrounds and wrote calligraphy on decorated vases, and sometimes I sold these pieces cheaply to family and friends or framed them as gifts.

× I used to do it when I was a child, I used paper to cut out hot and make it to designs my room and sometimes send it to letters with my friends or for for my family or any odds out crafts in school.

✓ I used to do it when I was a child. I used paper to cut out shapes and make designs for my room, and sometimes I sent letters to my friends or family, or made odd crafts at school.

Run-on sentence and incorrect verb forms: 'cut out hot' is wrong word and 'make it to designs my room' is ungrammatical. 'Send it to letters' is incorrect ordering and tense consistency. Split into shorter sentences, use correct nouns ('shapes'), correct prepositions ('for my room'), and past tense for habitual past actions ('sent'). Also remove duplicated 'for'. Suggestions: break long sentences, choose correct nouns, and keep past tense consistent.

× I do sometimes, but I don't ever send them to anyone.

✓ I do sometimes, but I never send them to anyone.

Adverb placement and collocation: 'don't ever' is colloquial; 'never' is more natural and concise. Keep present simple tense for habitual action.

× I just keep it to myself as like a future letter to future me.

✓ I just keep them to myself as letters for my future self.

Pronoun and noun agreement and awkward phrasing: 'it' vs 'them' (plural 'letters'), 'future me' is informal — use 'my future self'. Rephrase for clarity and correct agreement.

× Or usually I just write something out of at the back of a postcard and I can just put it somewhere just for myself.

✓ Usually I write something on the back of a postcard and put it somewhere for myself.

Incorrect preposition and extra words: 'write something out of at the back' is ungrammatical; correct is 'write on the back'. Remove redundant 'just' and 'can' to make sentence concise and grammatical.

× I think handwritten letters shows a work of effort when you care about someone and not just send it over text.

✓ I think handwritten letters show effort when you care about someone, rather than just sending a text.

Subject-verb agreement and awkward phrasing: 'letters shows' is incorrect — plural subject needs 'show'. 'a work of effort' is unnatural; use 'effort'. Use parallel structure 'rather than just sending a text'.

× I think he has a deeper meaning and and it comes from the heart because he actually made an effort to make letters for someone that you show appreciation for or someone new.

✓ I think they have a deeper meaning and come from the heart because the writer actually made an effort to create letters for someone they appreciate or someone new.

Incorrect pronoun use and gender reference: 'he' incorrectly refers to 'handwritten letters'; use 'they' or 'the writer'. 'Made an effort to make letters' is repetitive — use 'create letters'. Also adjust perspective consistency ('you' to 'they'). Remove duplicated 'and'.

× Sometimes. When I'm out studying I always carry a pen with me and some paper or whenever I'm just running errands.

✓ Sometimes. When I'm studying or running errands, I always carry a pen and some paper with me.

Sentence fragments and preposition/order issues: original is disfluent and repeats ideas. Combine clauses with correct ordering and place 'with me' after list of items.

× You never know when you need a piece of paper or sometimes just a pen to sign something or any importance that you can't predict when you go out.

✓ You never know when you will need a piece of paper or just a pen to sign something or handle an important matter when you go out.

Awkward phrasing and tense: 'sometimes' misplaced; use future 'will need' for general unpredictability. 'Any importance' is ungrammatical — use 'an important matter'.

× As a child, I love to draw.

✓ As a child, I loved to draw.

Tense mismatch: talking about childhood requires past tense 'loved' rather than present 'love'.

× I love doing calligraphy as well.

✓ I loved doing calligraphy as well.

Tense consistency: maintain past tense when referring to childhood activities.

× I remember that I would paint the background with different kinds of colours and I would put I would do calligraphy on different types of vases and I would sometimes sell it to families and friends for a cheaper price or just give it to get give it to them in a frame as a gift.

✓ I remember that I would paint the background with different colours and do calligraphy on different types of vases. I sometimes sold them to family and friends for a low price or gave them framed as gifts.

Run-on sentence and repetition: remove repeated 'I would' where unnecessary, fix pronoun agreement ('sell it' -> 'sold them' for plural vases), and correct awkward phrases ('cheaper price' -> 'low price', 'give it to get give it to them' corrected). Use past tense consistently for past habitual actions.