Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail using linking words. Avoid repetition and tense errors.

例: Yes. In first grade my art teacher asked us to make clothes from different colored paper, and I made a red paper dress that I still remember because I decorated it with cut-out flowers.

提案: Give a direct answer, then explain briefly with correct grammar and linking words. Use specific examples and avoid broken phrases.

例: Not often. Because smartphones and instant messaging are more convenient, I usually send texts or emails instead of writing letters, for example when I need to contact friends quickly.

提案: Clarify your opinion and use clear supporting reasons. Avoid filler words and unclear phrases. Correct tense and vocabulary mistakes and give a brief example or contrast.

例: I don't think many people keep handwritten letters nowadays. Personally I have never received one since childhood because most communication has moved online, such as emails and messaging apps.

提案: Provide a concise topic sentence and one clear reason with a linking word. Use correct phrasing and avoid repeating the same idea.

例: Yes, I usually carry a pencil and small notebook because when I'm learning I prefer to take notes by hand, which helps me remember information better.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence, then give two or three specific examples using linking words. Reduce hesitations and use past tense consistently.

例: I did lots of things with paper as a child. For example, I wrote short stories, painted pictures, and made greeting cards, but my favorite was painting because I loved art from a young age.

× Yes, when I was a primary school student of the grade one, my art teacher told us to make some clothes using different types and different colors of paper.

✓ Yes, when I was a primary school student in grade one, my art teacher told us to make clothes using different types and colors of paper.

The original sentence has awkward phrasing 'student of the grade one' and redundancy 'different types and different colors'. Use 'in grade one' for grade level and remove repeated 'different' to make the sentence natural and concise.

× That time I made me a red paper dress which really impressed me for a long time.

✓ At that time I made myself a red paper dress, which impressed me for a long time.

Reflexive pronoun 'me' is incorrect; use 'myself' as the indirect object when the subject and object refer to the same person. Add a comma before the relative clause for clarity and change 'That time' to 'At that time' for correct time expression.

× Sometimes, but not often, because it's not very convenient nowadays with the using of the smartphone.

✓ Sometimes, but not often, because it's not very convenient nowadays to use a smartphone.

'the using of the smartphone' is ungrammatical: use the infinitive 'to use' and the indefinite article 'a' for a nonspecific smartphone. Remove 'the' and rephrase for natural English.

× Left a message, send a message through our Internet seems more convenient.

✓ Leaving a message or sending a message via the Internet seems more convenient.

Original lacks proper verb forms and subject. Use gerunds 'Leaving' and 'sending' to create parallel structure, and 'via the Internet' is the natural prepositional phrase. Also add singular 'seems' to match the compound subject (treated as a general action).

× Oh, well, I don't think so. As myself, I had never received any handwriting letters since I uh, since I, I was born from now.

✓ Oh, well, I don't think so. Personally, I have never received any handwritten letters since I was born.

'As myself' is unnatural; use 'Personally'. 'Had never received' with 'since' referring to present requires the present perfect 'have never received'. 'Handwriting letters' should be 'handwritten letters'. Remove filler 'from now'.

× It was the pasta. Time to write a letter.

✓ It was the past time to write a letter.

The original is confused: 'pasta' is incorrect word. If intending to say 'past', combine into a single coherent clause: 'It was in the past that people wrote letters' would be clearer, but a brief correction is 'It was the past time to write a letter.' Better: 'Writing letters was more common in the past.'

× Yes, I will carry a pencil and paper with me because when I'm learning something I prefer to take notes by hands rather than tapping.

✓ Yes, I carry a pencil and paper with me because when I'm learning something I prefer to take notes by hand rather than typing.

Use simple present 'I carry' for habitual action instead of 'I will carry'. 'By hands' is incorrect; use the singular idiom 'by hand'. 'Tapping' is vague for typing on a device; 'typing' is more precise.

× Because handwriting often impressed me a lot.

✓ Because handwriting often impresses me a lot.

Tense mismatch: continuing general preference should be present simple 'impresses' not past 'impressed'. Also starting a sentence with 'Because' is acceptable but ensure it links to previous clause; combine with previous sentence if needed.

× Oh, too many things I'd like to write.

✓ Oh, there are too many things I'd like to do with paper.

Original lacks clarity and parallelism. 'Too many things I'd like to write' suggests only writing; question asked 'What did you like to do with paper' so correct response should reference activities 'do with paper'.

× Just write stories on the paper and, uh, paint on the paper and make some paper card.

✓ I used to write stories on paper, paint on paper, and make paper cards.

Maintain parallel past habit with 'used to' and parallel verb forms. 'On the paper' is unnecessary; use 'on paper'. 'Paper card' should be plural 'paper cards' or 'a paper card' depending on meaning.

× But among those, my favorite is to paint.

✓ But among those activities, my favorite was painting.

'Among those' is vague; specify 'activities'. For past habitual preference use past 'was' and nominalize verb to 'painting' for natural expression.

× Umm, because I love the art very much when I was young.

✓ Because I loved art very much when I was young.

Tense mismatch: referring to the past 'when I was young' requires past tense 'loved', not present 'love'. Also 'the art' is unnatural; use uncountable 'art' without 'the'.