Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve sentence structure and fluency by breaking the long response into 2–3 clear sentences: a topic sentence answering directly, then one or two supporting details with linking words. Use more precise vocabulary (e.g., "greeting cards", "paper crafts") and correct small grammar errors (e.g., plural/singular, articles). Reduce hesitation and avoid redundancy.

例: Yes, I make paper crafts. I often design greeting cards for my father and took online classes to improve my papercraft skills. Recently, I have been making paper boats, flowers and pen holders.

提案: Answer directly, then give concise reasons and a specific example. Correct grammar (use present perfect: "I haven't written"), avoid vague phrases like "intensively" and redundant clauses. Use linking words like "because" or "however" to connect ideas.

例: Not really — I haven't written a physical letter for over ten years because messaging apps are more convenient. However, I still feel nostalgic about letters, especially when I see old handwritten cards.

提案: Make a clear general statement, then support it with a specific reason and an example. Correct tense and clarity (e.g., "I haven't seen many people keep handwritten letters"). Avoid vague endings; finish the thought. Use linking words like "because" and "for example".

例: In my experience, few people keep handwritten letters nowadays because most correspondence is digital and physical notes are often discarded. For example, friends usually delete old notes or throw away cards after reading them.

提案: Reduce hesitations and filler words; speak in 2–3 clear sentences: topic sentence then one specific reason. Fix grammar ("I am habitual" → "I usually" or "I'm in the habit of"). Provide a concise example of when you used them.

例: Yes, I usually carry a pen and small notebook because, as a healthcare provider, I often jot down observations or ideas while I'm out. For example, I recently recorded patient follow-up questions during a home visit.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence answering the question, then add one or two specific examples with linking words ("for example", "also"). Correct grammar and awkward phrases ("for academic purposes", "paper games") and finish the sentence fully to avoid trailing off.

例: As a child, I mainly used paper for schoolwork, such as writing answers and doing homework. I also played paper games with friends, like making paper planes and fortune tellers, which are very nostalgic memories.

× Oh definitely yes, I used to make lots of birthday card especially for my father and he appreciated me a lot that I also took some online classes to increase my potential about papercraft and these days I'm making boats, flowers and pen stands out of paper.

✓ Oh definitely yes, I used to make lots of birthday cards, especially for my father, and he appreciated them a lot. I also took some online classes to improve my papercraft skills, and these days I'm making boats, flowers, and pen stands out of paper.

The original sentence uses the singular 'birthday card' with 'lots of', which requires the plural 'cards' (quantifier agreement). It also has run-on structure; breaking into two sentences and using 'them' to refer to 'cards' corrects pronoun reference and improves clarity. Use 'improve my papercraft skills' instead of 'increase my potential about papercraft' for natural English. Add commas for lists and clauses.

× Not really, it has been almost more than a decade I had written a physical letter to my near or dear one.

✓ Not really. It has been more than a decade since I wrote a physical letter to my near or dear ones.

The original mixes present perfect ('has been') with past perfect ('I had written') incorrectly. Use 'since I wrote' or 'since I have written' with 'has been' removed or use 'it has been' plus 'since I wrote'. Also 'near or dear one' should be plural 'ones' or 'a loved one' for naturalness. 'Almost more than' is redundant; use 'more than' or 'almost'.

× I think this art will last in times.

✓ I think this art will last over time.

The phrase 'last in times' is ungrammatical. The correct idiom is 'last over time' or 'stand the test of time'. Use 'over time' to express continuation.

× These days we have more convenient option to type WhatsApp message or to get a ready made card to give us present.

✓ These days we have more convenient options: we can type a WhatsApp message or buy a ready-made card to give as a present.

Missing plural agreement with 'option' (should be 'options') and incorrect preposition/phrase 'to give us present'. Use 'buy' or 'get' and 'give as a present'. Also add articles: 'a WhatsApp message' and hyphenate 'ready-made'.

× I also miss those days intensively.

✓ I also miss those days intensely.

The adverb 'intensively' is incorrect in this context; the intended meaning is 'intensely' (strongly). Place the adverb after the verb or at the end; 'miss those days intensely' is natural.

× As I am observing, I haven't seen anybody keeping a handwritten letter because when they used to communicate through letters and they usually throw away after getting a message.

✓ From what I have observed, I haven't seen anyone keeping handwritten letters, because when people used to communicate by letter they usually threw them away after reading the message.

'As I am observing' is awkward; use 'From what I have observed' (present perfect). 'Anybody' is acceptable but 'anyone' is more natural. 'Keeping a handwritten letter' should be plural 'keeping handwritten letters'. 'When they used to communicate through letters and they usually throw away' mixes tenses; use past tense 'used to communicate' and 'threw them away'. Use 'by letter' or 'through letters' and 'after reading the message'.

× I don't think it there is anything wrong about it, but people really miss.

✓ I don't think there is anything wrong with that, but people do miss them.

Original has word order error ('it there is') and missing object for 'miss'. Use 'there is anything wrong with that' and 'people do miss them' to provide the object (handwritten letters). Also 'do' adds emphasis and correct auxiliary usage.

× Uh, yes, I am hab habitual to carry a pen and paper with me because being a healthcare provider, I always umm, have some brainstorms or idea regarding my surrounding and I always note down on my umm, papers and uh, so that I can work on it whatever I have observed by going out and uh, moreover.

✓ Uh, yes, I am habitual about carrying a pen and paper with me because, as a healthcare provider, I often have brainstorms or ideas about my surroundings, and I always note them down on paper so that I can work on whatever I have observed when I go out.

'Hab habitual' is erroneous; use 'habitual about carrying' or 'in the habit of carrying'. 'Being a healthcare provider' is better as 'as a healthcare provider'. 'Have some brainstorms or idea' should be 'often have brainstorms or ideas'. 'Note down on my papers' should be 'note them down on paper' and provide correct pronoun 'them' to refer to ideas. Remove filler words and fix tense and phrasing.

× I think most of the time I used paper for academic purpose and to write my answers or to give exam.

✓ I think most of the time I used paper for academic purposes, to write my answers, or to take exams.

'Used paper' is acceptable for past habit but 'for academic purpose' needs plural 'purposes'. 'To give exam' is incorrect; the natural phrase is 'to take exams' or 'to sit exams'. Add commas for list clarity.

× And beside this I used to play lots of paper game with my friends and that moments are very nostalgic for me because it those memories are really.

✓ And besides that, I used to play lots of paper games with my friends, and those moments are very nostalgic for me because those memories are really special.

'Beside this' should be 'besides that'. 'Paper game' needs plural 'paper games'. 'That moments' should be 'those moments'. The clause 'because it those memories are really' is ungrammatical; complete it with 'because those memories are really special' or similar adjective to finish the thought.