Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答有内容但表达不够清晰，句子结构和语法有错误，信息重复且缺少连贯衔接。建议：在首句直接回答并用一到两句具体描述（例如你折了什么，如何折的，为什么有趣），使用连接词（for example, because, and）使逻辑更清楚，控制在最多五句内。注意时态和冠词、单复数。

例: Yes, I did when I was a child. I often folded paper into animals such as cranes and rabbits because my classmates and I enjoyed making characters from folk tales. For example, I once made a paper dragon for a school performance, which everyone admired.

提案: 回答含义模糊且语法错误较多，使用了矛盾连接（even though... but）和不恰当词汇。建议：先给出明确的立场，然后用一到两句具体原因支持，避免矛盾连词，使用恰当词汇表达“handwriting/physical letters”与“schoolwork”。

例: Yes, I still write some physical letters and notes. Although most communication is digital now, I write handwritten notes for personal messages and my teachers often ask us to submit written assignments on paper.

提案: 回答中心思想明确但用词错误（animal value），句子不够流畅且有语法问题。建议：直接回答并解释原因，使用正确词汇如"emotional value/ sentimental value"，并给出具体例子说明会如何保存或为什么保存。

例: Yes, many people still keep handwritten letters, especially from close friends and family. I think these letters have great sentimental value, so I keep them in a box to remember important moments.

提案: 回答不够直接且句子结构混乱，存在口语碎片（Or maybe not）和代词错误。建议：直接给出肯定或否定并说明原因，使用连词（because, so）和清晰的对比，举例说明用电子设备替代纸笔的情况。

例: Usually not, because smartphones and tablets let me take notes and read documents on the go. For example, I use my tablet to write reminders and save important files so I don't need to carry paper and pens.

提案: 回答内容具体但有词汇错误和语序问题（tools, legal animals）。建议：用一到两句清晰描述你做的具体纸艺（如origami animals, paper cards），说明目的（gifts）并加一个小例子，注意数词和时态表达。

例: I used to make origami animals and paper cards as gifts for my family and friends. For example, for a friend's ninth birthday I folded many paper cranes and decorated a card to surprise him.

× Yes, definitely when I was young. My classmates used paper to make some animals or some characters in the fan fairy stories it's very interesting.

✓ Yes, definitely when I was young. My classmates used paper to make animals or characters from fairy tales; it was very interesting.

句子中时态需统一，描述过去的经历应使用过去时。原句“it's very interesting”用现在时，与前文“when I was young”不一致；另外“fan fairy stories”措辞不自然，应改为“fairy tales”。建议将描述过去的部分全部用过去时表达，并调整短语顺序使其更地道。

× Yes, the definitely even though the technology developed very fast, but the guidance visual tone paper are also very important in my daily life.

✓ Yes, definitely. Even though technology has developed very fast, paper with written guidance and notes is also very important in my daily life.

原句存在多处问题：多余的定冠词“the”，语序混乱，以及“guidance visual tone paper”词序和用词不当。将“the”去掉；“developed”应改为现在完成时“has developed”以表示到现在的变化；“paper are”主谓不一致，应改为单数“paper is”或用复数“papers are”，根据语境改为“paper is”。另外重新组织短语为“paper with written guidance and notes（带有书面指导和笔记的纸）”更清晰。解释与建议均用简化中文说明句子重构方法。

× Yes, the definitely even though the technology developed very fast, but the guidance visual tone paper are also very important in my daily life. The teachers also always want us to write in papers.

✓ Yes, definitely. Even though technology has developed very fast, paper with written guidance and notes is also very important in my daily life. The teachers also always want us to write on paper.

原句中代词和介词使用错误：应说“write on paper”而不是“write in papers”。此外“the teachers also always”词序可调整为“The teachers always want us...” 更自然。建议替换介词并调整词序，使表达地道。

× Yes, definitely, especially the life from close friends or family's because I think it is has its animal value and I will keep it as important things.

✓ Yes, definitely, especially letters from close friends or family, because I think they have sentimental value and I will keep them as important things.

原句中形容词/名词使用混乱：“the life from close friends or family's”不合语法，正确应为“letters from close friends or family”。“it is has”中有冗余助动词，应为“they have”。“animal value”用词错误，意为“sentimental value（感情价值）”。同时代词需与复数名词一致，改为“they...them”。建议使用正确名词并确保代词一致。

× Or maybe not. As the technology developed, we can carry you do not need to carry papers open outside. We can just carry your iPad pad and grab something on it. It is very convenient to carry it.

✓ Or maybe not. As technology has developed, we don't need to carry papers when we go out. We can just carry an iPad and access things on it. It is very convenient to carry.

原句中既有时态问题也有人称代词错误与重复：应使用现在完成时“has developed”来表示变化。句子中出现“we can carry you do not need to carry”混乱，代词不一致，应统一为“we don't need to carry papers”。“your iPad pad”重复且代词应与说话人一致，改为“an iPad”。建议简化句子并统一人称与时态。

× I folded papers, tools, legal animals and characters and made it as a gift for my families or friends. For example, when my friend had nine years old birthday, I folded many papers to give him as a gift.

✓ I folded paper into animals and characters and made them as gifts for my family and friends. For example, when my friend had his ninth birthday, I folded many paper figures to give him as a gift.

原句时态和表达有问题：“I folded papers, tools, legal animals”词语混乱，应改为“folded paper into animals and characters”。“made it as a gift”中的代词应与复数“them”一致。“families”应为“family”。“when my friend had nine years old birthday”语序错误与词形不当，正确为“had his ninth birthday”。建议使用正确短语“folded paper figures”并注意代词与名词单复数和序数词表达。