Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar, reduce hesitation words (umm), and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words (e.g., "For example"). Also correct singular/plural and articles ("my most important hobby", "colourful craft papers").

例: Yes. Paper craft is my most important hobby and I usually spend my weekends making things. For example, I always carry colourful craft paper, scissors and glue, and I often make paper flowers and simple classroom decorations to use when I teach.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific reasons using linking words (e.g., "because", "for example"). Reduce hesitations and correct tense/number ("we used to make phone calls", "we send Christmas cards").

例: No, I don't. Nowadays we usually communicate via social media, so I rarely write physical letters. For example, I can’t even recall sending a letter as a child; only at Christmas do we still send greeting cards to friends.

提案: Clarify ideas and avoid unclear phrases ("green 24/7, to be spot"). Provide a clear topic sentence then specific reasons and an example. Limit repetitions (e.g., "to value the past" repeated). Use linking words like "however" to contrast.

例: Some people still keep handwritten letters for nostalgic reasons and even collect old postage stamps. However, I don't: I prefer to keep my home minimal and clutter-free, so I don't save such items.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitations and repetitions, and use smoother linking (e.g., "because" or "so"). Tighten grammar: "If I need to write something or someone gives me a piece of paper, I take my pen out immediately."

例: Usually I don't carry paper, but I always have a pen because I'm a teacher. If I need to write something or someone gives me a piece of paper, I immediately take my pen out and write.

提案: Provide a clear past-focused topic sentence and concise supporting details; correct tense consistency (use past tense: "whenever I got a chance"). Avoid fragmented sentences and unnecessary repetition. Use linking words like "often" and "by the end" for coherence.

例: As a child I often drew pictures on any scrap of paper I could find. For example, if I was on a phone call and had a pen nearby, I would sketch while talking, and by the end of the conversation I'd usually have a small drawing.

× It's one of my umm, most important hobby.

✓ It's one of my, umm, most important hobbies.

The phrase 'one of my' requires a plural noun after it. 'Hobby' must be pluralized to 'hobbies' to agree with 'one of my'. Also a comma after 'my' is optional but retained to mirror speech rhythm. Suggestion: use 'one of my most important hobbies.'

× That's how I spend my weekends.

✓ That's how I spend my weekends.

No correction needed. The sentence is grammatically correct and uses the present simple appropriately for habitual action. (Included only if you prefer explicit confirmation; otherwise omit.)

× I always carry so many craft papers, the colour craft papers with me and a pair of scissors and glue.

✓ I always carry so many craft papers, the coloured craft papers, with me and a pair of scissors and glue.

'Colour craft papers' is ungrammatical in this context; use 'coloured craft papers' to describe the papers. Also 'so many craft papers' is colloquial but acceptable; ensure commas separate items. Suggestion: 'I always carry many coloured craft papers, a pair of scissors, and glue.'

× I always make flowers and umm, simple craft ideas for my students to teach my students to.

✓ I always make flowers and simple craft items to teach my students.

The original sentence has redundant and incomplete structure ('to teach my students to' is ungrammatical). Use 'simple craft items' or 'simple craft projects' and place the purpose phrase 'to teach my students' at the end. Suggestion: 'I always make paper flowers and simple craft projects to teach my students.'

× No, I must say no because umm we are used to sending messages through social media apps and I don't even remember sending a letter even in my childhood.

✓ No, I have to say no because we are used to sending messages through social media apps and I don't even remember sending a letter in my childhood.

'Must say no' is awkward in this context; 'have to say no' or 'must say' is less natural. Also 'even in my childhood' should be 'in my childhood' or 'when I was a child.' Suggestion: 'No, I have to say no because we are used to sending messages through social media apps and I don't even remember sending a letter when I was a child.'

× Those days we used to make phone calls to my friends.

✓ In those days we used to make phone calls to our friends.

'Those days' needs the preposition 'in' for natural phrasing: 'In those days'. Also 'my friends' conflicts with the general past habit; 'our friends' fits speaker including others. Suggestion: 'In those days we used to make phone calls to our friends.'

× The only time we send something to the friends is during Christmas.

✓ The only time we send something to friends is during Christmas.

Present simple can be used for habitual facts, but 'the friends' is incorrect article use. Omit 'the' before plural 'friends.' Also 'at Christmas' or 'during Christmas' both acceptable; 'at Christmas' is more natural. Suggestion: 'The only time we send something to friends is at Christmas.'

× I think it's a matter of nostalgia.

✓ I think it's a matter of nostalgia.

Sentence is correct; no pronoun error. (Included as confirmation.)

× There are people who keep the handwritten letters, the postage stamps as a collection, umm, to show, uh, to value the past, uh, to treasure the things from the past.

✓ There are people who keep handwritten letters and postage stamps as a collection to value and treasure the past.

Do not use 'the' before general plural nouns like 'handwritten letters' and 'postage stamps' here. The list should be joined with 'and.' Simplify repetitive phrases: 'to value and treasure the past.' Suggestion: 'There are people who keep handwritten letters and postage stamps as a collection to value and treasure the past.'

× But I am not a person of that kind. I want my home to be green 24/7, to be spot.

✓ But I am not that kind of person. I want my home to be green all the time and tidy.

'Person of that kind' is less natural than 'that kind of person.' 'To be spot' is incorrect and unclear; likely meant 'spotless' or 'tidy.' 'Green 24/7' is informal but acceptable; better 'green all the time.' Suggestion: 'But I am not that kind of person. I want my home to be green all the time and tidy.'

× Usually I don't carry paper, but I always carry a pen.

✓ Usually I don't carry paper, but I always carry a pen.

Sentence is correct; no article errors. (Confirmation.)

× I'm a teacher so I've got this habit of carrying a pen always in my handbag.

✓ I'm a teacher, so I've got the habit of always carrying a pen in my handbag.

Word order improves clarity: 'the habit of always carrying' is more natural. Place commas appropriately. Suggestion: 'I'm a teacher, so I've got the habit of always carrying a pen in my handbag.'

× If I, uh, I have a need to write something or someone someone gives me a paper and ask me to write something, I immediately will take my pen out of the bag.

✓ If I need to write something or someone gives me a piece of paper and asks me to write, I will immediately take my pen out of the bag.

The original has repetition ('someone someone'), incorrect noun phrase ('a paper' -> 'a piece of paper'), subject-verb agreement ('someone... asks'), and unnatural word order ('I immediately will' -> 'I will immediately'). Suggestion: 'If I need to write something or someone gives me a piece of paper and asks me to write, I will immediately take my pen out of the bag.'

× I used to draw pictures on paper whenever I get a chance.

✓ I used to draw pictures on paper whenever I got a chance.

When describing past habitual actions with 'used to,' the time clause should also be in the past: 'whenever I got a chance.' 'Get' should be in past tense 'got.'

× Sometimes I may be making a phone call and if there is a paper and pen in front of me, I'll be drawing something over it.

✓ Sometimes I might be making a phone call, and if there is a paper and pen in front of me, I'll draw something on it.

'May be making' is possible but 'might be making' fits better for hypothetical past/ongoing possibility; however for habitual action 'I'll draw' is preferable to 'I'll be drawing.' Also 'drawing something over it' should be 'drawing something on it.' Suggestion: 'Sometimes I might be making a phone call, and if there is a paper and pen in front of me, I'll draw something on it.'

× When the communication goes on. By the end of the communication, I'll have something on that paper, some beautiful artwork. I always.

✓ While the conversation continues, by the end I'll have something on that paper — some beautiful artwork. I always do.

Original uses sentence fragments and awkward phrasal choices. Combine clauses: 'While the conversation continues' or 'As the conversation goes on.' 'I always' needs a verb: 'I always do.' Suggestion: 'As the conversation goes on, by the end I'll have something on that paper — some beautiful artwork. I always do.'