Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct verb tenses; start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details using linking words. Avoid repetition like “we have made”.

例: Yes — I made several paper crafts at school. For example, I learned origami and paper airplanes, and I often asked a classmate to teach me new folds, so I got better over time.

提案: Give a clear reason and reduce fillers. Use one strong reason and an example; fix awkward phrasing like “addressed to me”.

例: Yes, I still write physical letters because I find them therapeutic; for instance, I write monthly notes to myself to reflect on goals and preserve memories.

提案: Be more specific and compact. Use linking words (for example, therefore) and avoid vague phrases like “this lifetime”. Provide a short reason and an example.

例: Yes, many people still keep handwritten letters because they have sentimental value; for example, elderly people often save letters from spouses as cherished keepsakes.

提案: Remove irrelevant remarks and laughter; give a concise structured answer with contrast and a brief reason. Use linking words like “however” or “but”.

例: I usually don't carry paper and pens when I go out; however, I always bring them to school because I need them for taking notes.

提案: Organize into a clear topic sentence and supporting details; correct grammar and avoid mentioning harmful actions like burning without context. Give two specific examples and link them.

例: As a child, I liked using paper as pretend money for playing shop; for example, my friends and I would role-play buying and selling toys, and sometimes we made paper coins and notes to make the game realistic.

× What I remember is when I was in school, we have made origamis, we have made airplanes, and I also remember trying to beg my classmate to teach me how to do it.

✓ What I remember is when I was in school, we made origami and paper airplanes, and I also remember trying to beg my classmate to teach me how to do it.

The sentence describes past events ('when I was in school'), so the present perfect ('have made') is inappropriate; simple past ('made') should be used for completed actions at a specific past time. Also 'origamis' is nonstandard plural; use 'origami' or 'origami models', and 'airplanes' is clearer as 'paper airplanes'. Suggestion: Use simple past for actions tied to a specific past period and correct pluralization of 'origami'.

× Yes, I still write physical letters and those letters are addressed to me and that's something that I want to continue in doing.

✓ Yes, I still write physical letters, and those letters are addressed to me; that's something I want to continue doing.

The phrase 'continue in doing' is unidiomatic; use 'continue doing' or 'continue to do'. Also combine clauses with a comma or semicolon for clarity. Maintain present simple for habitual actions. Suggestion: Use 'continue doing' and improve clause linking for fluent English.

× So, uh, I would want to practice writing and addressing them to myself as well.

✓ So, I would like to practice writing and addressing them to myself as well.

'Would want' is awkward here; use 'would like' for polite desire. The gerund 'writing' is correct, but 'addressing them to myself' is acceptable; replacing 'would want' with 'would like' improves naturalness. Suggestion: Use 'would like' for preferences and keep gerunds where appropriate.

× I really think that a lot of people still keep handwritten letters today.

✓ I really think that many people still keep handwritten letters today.

'A lot of people' is not grammatically wrong but 'many people' is more formal for this context. The tense 'still keep' is fine for a present habitual action. Suggestion: Prefer 'many people' in formal speech; no tense change needed.

× It might come from someone they love, especially old people when their loved ones sent handwritten letters before.

✓ They might come from someone they love, especially older people whose loved ones sent handwritten letters in the past.

Pronoun reference unclear: 'It' should be 'They' to refer to letters. 'Old people' is better phrased as 'older people'. 'When their loved ones sent handwritten letters before' mixes tenses and adverbs; use 'whose loved ones sent handwritten letters in the past' to clarify. Suggestion: Ensure pronouns agree with the noun they replace and use 'in the past' for clarity.

× And I think that's something that they want to keep forever in this lifetime.

✓ And I think that's something they want to keep forever.

'In this lifetime' is redundant and awkward after 'forever'. Keep the present simple 'want' for current desire and omit unnecessary phrase. Suggestion: Avoid redundant time expressions; 'forever' alone suffices.

× I don't necessarily carry paper and pens when I go out, but if I go to school, of course I do carry them all the time.

✓ I don't necessarily carry paper and pens when I go out, but if I go to school, of course I carry them all the time.

Use simple present 'I carry' for habitual actions. The auxiliary 'do' is unnecessary here and makes the sentence slightly awkward, though not grammatically wrong; removing it yields more natural speech. Suggestion: Use simple present for habits and avoid unnecessary 'do' unless for emphasis.

× But if I go to a store, I don't think that's something that I would like to carry with me.

✓ But if I go to a store, I don't think that's something I want to carry with me.

'Would like' expresses hypothetical or polite desire; here the speaker states a general preference for the present, so simple present 'want' is more appropriate. Using 'would like' is not strictly wrong but less direct. Suggestion: Use 'want' for current preferences, 'would like' for polite requests or hypotheticals.

× I certainly will carry money so I can pay for my groceries, ha ha ha.

✓ I will certainly carry money so I can pay for my groceries.

The placement of 'certainly' is more natural after the subject and before the main verb. 'Will' is acceptable for intention. Remove filler laughter for written corrections. Suggestion: Place adverbs like 'certainly' closer to the verb for natural word order.

× What I remember is we used to pretend. That papers are money.

✓ What I remember is we used to pretend that paper was money.

These two fragments should be combined. 'Papers are money' mixes present tense with 'used to' (past habit). Use past tense 'was' and uncountable 'paper' when referring to the material acting as money in play. Also 'papers' is awkward here. Suggestion: Combine fragments and use past tense consistent with 'used to' and correct noun form 'paper'.

× We play shopping, selling goods.

✓ We played shop, selling goods.

'We play' should be past 'we played' to match 'used to' and past context. 'Play shopping' is unnatural; native speakers say 'played shop' or 'played store'. Suggestion: Use 'played shop/store' and keep past tense for childhood habits.

× We will pretend that it's a money and one thing as well is we would burn it.

✓ We would pretend that it was money, and one thing we also did was burn it.

Mixing 'will' with past habitual context is incorrect. Use 'would' or simple past for repeated past actions: 'would pretend' and 'did burn' or 'would burn'. Article 'a' before 'money' is incorrect; 'money' is uncountable. Reorder clause for clarity. Suggestion: Use consistent past habitual forms ('would' or past simple), treat 'money' as uncountable, and structure the sentence for clarity.