Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: state a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific examples with brief details. Avoid pauses and small errors (e.g., stray punctuation and plural forms). Use linking words to connect ideas.

例: Yes. I made a lot of paper crafts when I was about seven or eight at school. For example, we folded paper to make decorative clocks and small models of tables during craft class, and I enjoyed painting them afterwards.

提案: Good content and clear opinion. To improve, shorten slightly, use a linking phrase, and give a specific recent example to make it more concrete.

例: Yes, I do. I think handwritten letters convey emotions better than digital messages, so I write to family and close friends when I want to express something personal. For example, I recently wrote a letter to my grandmother to thank her for her support.

提案: Avoid strong adverbs that sound unnatural (e.g., "severely believe"). Start with a direct topic sentence, then support it with a specific reason and a short example. Use linking words like "because" or "for example" for coherence.

例: Yes, I believe many people still keep handwritten letters because they are rare and sentimental. For example, I keep letters from friends and family in a box because each one feels personal and reminds me of special moments.

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear statement, then give one specific reason and a short example. Use linking words to keep it coherent.

例: Yes, I usually carry a small notebook and a pen because I might need to jot down directions or ideas. For instance, I often write down contact details or quick reminders when I'm out.

提案: Good descriptive answer with a clear memory. Improve by reducing repeated past-tense phrasing (avoid many "used to"), and add one linking word and a concise concluding remark about why you enjoyed it.

例: I loved making paper boats as a child. When it rained I would tear out notebook pages, fold them into little boats, and float them in puddles—I loved watching how far they would travel.

× Yes, I've made several crafts with paper when I was around 7 to 8 years old.

✓ Yes, I made several crafts with paper when I was around 7 to 8 years old.

The present perfect 'I've made' is incorrect with a specific past time ('when I was around 7 to 8 years old'). Use simple past 'I made' to indicate a completed action at a definite time in the past.

× At that time we had craft classes in our school, so I made various crafts with paper like clocks and. Tables.

✓ At that time we had craft classes in our school, so I made various paper crafts like clocks and tables.

The sentence has a punctuation break and awkward word order ('and. Tables'). Combine the items correctly and place the noun 'paper' before 'crafts' or use 'paper crafts' to make the phrase natural and grammatically correct.

× I feel like physical letters convey an emotion that digitally cannot be expressed.

✓ I feel that physical letters convey an emotion that cannot be expressed digitally.

The adverb placement is awkward: 'digitally cannot be expressed' is less natural. Move 'digitally' after 'expressed' or use 'cannot be expressed digitally' for correct adverb placement and clearer meaning.

× So yes, I do write physical letters to my friends and my family whenever I feel like bonding with them or expressing my feelings towards them.

✓ So yes, I do write physical letters to my friends and my family whenever I want to bond with them or express my feelings to them.

Use 'want to bond' instead of 'feel like bonding' for formality and clarity; 'expressing my feelings towards them' is wordy—use 'express my feelings to them'. These adjustments improve naturalness while keeping present habit tense.

× Yes, I severely believe that people do keep handwritten letters today as they're very rare in today's times.

✓ Yes, I strongly believe that people still keep handwritten letters today because they are quite rare now.

'Severely believe' is incorrect collocation; use 'strongly believe'. 'In today's times' is redundant—use 'now' or 'today'. Also replace 'as' with 'because' for clearer causal link.

× I myself love to keep the letters that I receive as they have a personal touch to them because they're written by hand.

✓ I love to keep the letters I receive because they have a personal touch since they are written by hand.

Redundant 'myself' and 'to them' can be removed for conciseness. Use 'since' or 'because' to link cause. Also 'that I receive' can be shortened to 'I receive' for natural spoken English.

× Yes, I always carry paper and pens with me when I go out as I believe the need could be anytime and I should be equipped with important stuff like pen and paper so that whenever something important is being said or I can just take out my pen and paper and note things down.

✓ Yes, I always carry paper and pens with me when I go out because I believe the need could arise at any time, so I should be equipped with important items like a pen and paper and can just take them out to note things down when something important is said.

Multiple issues: use 'arise' instead of 'be' with 'need'; 'anytime' -> 'at any time'; 'stuff' -> 'items' for formality; supply missing structure after 'whenever' originally left incomplete. Use consistent noun forms and replace 'being said or I' with a complete clause 'when something important is said'.

× I loved to make boats when I was a child with the help of paper.

✓ I loved making boats with paper when I was a child.

Use the gerund 'making' after 'loved' for natural past habit. Also move 'with paper' directly after 'boats' for clearer phrasing.

× Whenever it used to rain, I used to tear pages up from my notebook and used to make small paper boards.

✓ Whenever it rained, I would tear pages from my notebook and make small paper boats.

Avoid using multiple 'used to' in the same clause. Use 'would' or simple past 'rained' and 'would tear'/'would make' for habitual past. 'Tear pages up from' is wordy—'tear pages from' is cleaner. 'Paper boards' is incorrect for boats, so use 'paper boats' consistent with context.

× And then I went out and used to float those boats in the waterlogged areas.

✓ Then I would go out and float those boats in the flooded areas.

Use 'would' for habitual past actions instead of 'used to' after 'then I went out'. 'Waterlogged areas' is awkward; 'flooded areas' or 'puddles' is more natural. Keep past habitual tense consistent.