Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and clear: give a concise topic sentence, then one or two specific details. Use correct grammar (e.g. ‘I write a draft’ not ‘craft’), avoid repetition and filler words. Link details with a simple connector like ‘for example’ or ‘so’ to show purpose.

例: Yes, I have. I often write a draft on scrap paper during exams so I can organize my thoughts before writing on the answer sheet. For example, I sketch an outline and key points first, which helps me avoid mistakes and keep the answer sheet neat.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and use accurate vocabulary and grammar (e.g. ‘less and less’ is fine, but say ‘because the Internet has spread’ and ‘I prefer to write emails’). Remove fillers and correct word order. Add one specific reason and link it with ‘because’ or ‘so’.

例: Not much anymore. I write physical letters less and less because the internet is widespread and I prefer to send emails, which are faster and more convenient. For instance, emails let me communicate instantly and attach documents.

提案: Give a clear opinion and support it with specific reasons. Use correct terms (e.g. ‘handwritten letters’), avoid unclear phrases like ‘e-mail pinging handwritten’. Use linking words such as ‘because’ and ‘for example’ and finish your thought fully.

例: Yes, many people still keep handwritten letters because they feel personal and artistic. For example, a handwritten note from a family member can show personality and emotion that a short email often lacks, so people keep them as keepsakes.

提案: Be concise and coherent: open with a clear statement, give one or two concise reasons, and avoid irrelevant or unclear details. Use correct vocabulary (e.g. ‘notebook’ instead of ‘Hobbit’), and connect reasons with ‘because’ or ‘so’.

例: Yes, I usually carry a small notebook and a pen because I used to work as a journalist and still like to take notes during interviews. For example, I jot down names and important details on paper because it is quick and reliable.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence about your childhood activities, then give two specific examples with linking words such as ‘for example’ or ‘also’. Use correct verbs and nouns (e.g. ‘draw’, ‘paint’, ‘fold into shapes’). Avoid fillers and unclear phrases.

例: As a child I enjoyed making things out of paper. For example, I used to draw and paint pictures on paper, and I also folded paper into shapes like animals or made simple paper gift wraps for presents.

× For example when I take an exam, I write a craft on paper before I copy them on the exam paper.

✓ For example, when I take an exam, I write a draft on paper before I copy it onto the exam paper.

The original has multiple issues: 'craft' is incorrect word choice (should be 'draft'), 'them' disagrees with singular 'a draft' (subject-verb/number mismatch -> singular/plural issue but falls under present tense context and subject-verb agreement), and preposition use 'on the exam paper' should be 'onto the exam paper' to indicate transfer. Use 'write a draft' and 'copy it onto' for clarity and correct singular reference.

× Make sure the exam paper clean and correct.

✓ I make sure the exam paper is clean and correct.

The original lacks a proper subject and auxiliary verb 'is' resulting in a sentence without a verb phrase. Adding 'I make sure' and 'is' fixes sentence structure and the 'there be' style omission. This creates a complete present tense statement.

× Actually, I write physical letters less and less because, uh, as the Internet spread quickly, umm, I prefer use, uh, write e-mail to other people, umm, it's convenient and quickly more.

✓ Actually, I write physical letters less and less because, as the Internet has spread quickly, I prefer to write e-mails to other people; it's more convenient and faster.

Multiple tense and verb form errors: 'as the Internet spread quickly' should be present perfect 'has spread' to show change over time. 'I prefer use, write e-mail' needs infinitive 'prefer to write' and plural 'e-mails'. 'quickly more' is incorrect word order and word choice; use comparative adverb 'more convenient and faster'. These changes correct present tense usage, modal/infinitive form, plural noun form, and adverb/adjective placement.

× e-mail pinging handwritten is kind of art so many people value about the handwritten letters.

✓ Handwritten letters are a kind of art, so many people value them.

Problems include incorrect word order and preposition use: 'e-mail pinging handwritten' is unintelligible and should be 'handwritten letters'. 'value about' is wrong — the verb 'value' takes a direct object, so use 'value them'. Simplify to active sentence to convey meaning clearly.

× Umm, I think that people should keep handwriting letters because they are beautiful and umm, very personality and very.

✓ I think that people should keep handwritten letters because they are beautiful and very personal.

'Handwriting letters' should be the adjective 'handwritten'. 'Very personality and very' is incorrect; use adjective 'personal' to describe letters. Remove redundant 'very' and use correct adjective form for clarity.

× Yes, I do because I was a journalist before, so I, umm, interview other people.

✓ Yes, I do because I was a journalist before, so I used to interview other people.

The verb 'interview' needs past tense to match 'was a journalist before'. Use 'used to interview' or 'interviewed' to indicate habitual past action. This corrects tense inconsistency.

× I like to write down on the paper.

✓ I like to write things down on paper.

Use of 'the paper' is overly specific; 'on paper' is the normal phrase. Also include object 'things' or restructure to 'write things down' for natural collocation. This corrects preposition and article use.

× Umm, but now I still keep this Hobbit because I think it's uh, sometimes I like to uh, take a load for other people or.

✓ But now I still keep this notebook because sometimes I like to take notes for other people.

Original has word choice errors ('Hobbit' likely intended 'notebook'), missing object and verb issues ('take a load' unclear). Rewriting clarifies meaning and fixes sentence structure and word choice. Use 'take notes' as the correct collocation.

× When I was a child paper a very beautiful, umm, I like to you, uh, write on the drawing, painting on paper.

✓ When I was a child I thought paper was very beautiful; I liked to draw and paint on paper.

Original lacks copula 'was' and has mixed verb forms and incorrect word order. Insert 'I thought' or 'I found' and 'was' to form a complete clause. Use 'liked to draw and paint' for correct verbs and collocations.

× And uh, sometimes I fold the paper into a family and uh, umm, sometimes I use them wrap something.

✓ Sometimes I folded paper into shapes of people (like a family), and sometimes I used them to wrap something.

Use past tense 'folded' and 'used' to match 'When I was a child'. 'Fold the paper into a family' is unclear; specify 'shapes of people' or 'a paper family'. 'Use them wrap' requires preposition 'to' before verb 'wrap'. This corrects tense and preposition usage.