Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more precise and grammatical. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct relative clause and verb forms, and avoid redundancy. Use one or two supporting details linked with a connector. Mention a specific example and the impact on you.

例: Yes. I made lots of paper crafts as a child, such as paper airplanes and origami animals. For example, my uncle, who is an engineer, taught me folding techniques, which improved my creativity and patience.

提案: Answer directly, avoid hesitations and filler words, and combine sentences coherently. Use linking words to contrast habits and exceptions. Keep it within four sentences.

例: If you mean handwritten letters sent by post, not often. I usually use email or messaging apps because they're faster, but I sometimes write handwritten cards for special occasions like birthdays.

提案: Avoid absolute statements and grammatical errors. Begin with a clear opinion, then give a specific reason and a brief comparison. Use linking words (for example, however) and correct tense and word choice.

例: I think some people still keep handwritten letters, but mainly older generations do. For example, they grew up before digital communication was common, so they valued and saved postal letters, whereas younger people tend to use apps instead.

提案: Be concise and avoid fillers. Start with a direct answer, then give one or two clear reasons linked coherently. Remove irrelevant or confusing details (e.g., '7 cafes') unless explained.

例: Yes, I do. As a student I often take paper and pens when I go out to study because changing my environment—for example, studying in a café—helps me concentrate and refresh my mind.

提案: Combine short fragmented sentences into a clear, fluent response. Start with a topic sentence, then give a specific example and explain the benefit using linking words.

例: I enjoyed making paper crafts and origami animals as a child. For instance, I spent hours folding cranes and frogs, which enhanced my creativity and fine motor skills.

× My uncle, which is an engineer, helped me a lot through it by expanding by creativity and developing.

✓ My uncle, who is an engineer, helped me a lot by encouraging my creativity and helping me develop it.

Use 'who' for people, not 'which'. 'Through it' is unclear and unnecessary. 'Expanding by creativity and developing' is incorrect collocation; use 'encouraging my creativity' and 'helping me develop it' to express support clearly.

× Do you mean handwritten letter sent by post?

✓ Do you mean a handwritten letter sent by post?

Countable nouns like 'handwritten letter' need an article. Use 'a' for a non-specific single letter.

× I usually use e-mail or messaging apps 'cause they're faster, but I'm but I sometimes write a handwritten card for special occasions like birthdays.

✓ I usually use e-mail or messaging apps because they're faster, but I sometimes write a handwritten card for special occasions like birthdays.

Remove redundant fragments 'I'm but I' and replace informal ''cause' with 'because' for clarity. The corrected sentence has a clear contrast structure using 'but'.

× I suppose only elderly people keep had written letters today because in their times it was more popular and they were preferring handwritten letters sent by post then messaging apps because technology was not that great at that time.

✓ I suppose only elderly people keep handwritten letters today because in their time it was more popular and they preferred handwritten letters sent by post to messaging apps, since technology was not as advanced then.

'Keep had written' is incorrect; use 'keep handwritten letters'. Use simple past 'preferred' not 'were preferring'. Use 'in their time' (not 'times'), and compare with 'to' not 'then'. 'Not that great' is informal; use 'not as advanced' for clarity.

× Comparing today.

✓ Compared with today, things are different.

'Comparing today' is a sentence fragment. Make it a complete clause like 'Compared with today, things are different' to convey the intended comparison.

× I do because I am a student and I prefer going out and studying at 7 cafes to clear my mind and to change my environment from my room because it sometimes, uh tiring me and I want to change my environment so much sometimes while.

✓ I do because I am a student and I prefer going out and studying at cafes to clear my mind and change my environment from my room, because staying there sometimes tires me and I want a change of scenery.

Remove the specific '7' which is unclear; use 'at cafes'. 'Tiring me' should be 'tires me'. 'Change my environment so much sometimes while' is awkward; use 'I want a change of scenery'. Combine clauses for fluency.

× What did you like to do with paper as a child?

✓ What did you like to do with paper when you were a child?

'As a child' is acceptable but 'when you were a child' fits the past-tense question better and is more natural here.

× I used to do crafts and origamis for instance.

✓ I used to make crafts and origami, for instance.

'Origami' is an uncountable noun, not 'origamis'. Use 'make' rather than 'do' for crafts and origami. 'For instance' can follow the clause.

× Playing crafts and origami animals because that was enhancing my creativity.

✓ Making crafts and origami animals enhanced my creativity.

The original is a fragment starting with a gerund and with awkward tense. Use a full past-tense sentence 'enhanced my creativity'. 'Playing crafts' is incorrect; use 'making crafts'.