Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers and repetitions, correct word choice, and limit to under five sentences. Add one brief supporting detail with a linking word. Pronounce clearly and remove hesitations like 'umm'.

例: Not really — I haven't done much paper crafting. Instead, I was always more interested in performing arts such as singing and dancing, so I spent my free time practicing those rather than making crafts.

提案: Good direct answer and relevant detail. Improve by tightening linking and reducing redundancy: use one linking phrase and avoid repeating the same reason. Add a final short example or frequency phrase.

例: Not really — I prefer online messaging because it's more convenient and less likely to get lost. I still write birthday cards occasionally for close family.

提案: Clear idea and contrast. Improve by using smoother linking words and more precise vocabulary (e.g., 'electronic devices' not 'electrical'). Make the contrast concise and add a brief reason or example to support the point.

例: Yes. It depends on age: younger people generally prefer electronic devices for communication, whereas older people are more likely to keep handwritten letters as sentimental keepsakes.

提案: Answer is direct and offers reasons, but it is slightly wordy and has awkward phrases ('cross paths with them', 'just random things'). Be concise and use clearer expressions and one linking phrase. Limit to two or three supporting sentences.

例: No, I don't usually carry them, but it's a useful habit because you never know when you'll need to jot down an idea or important information. For example, I sometimes wish I had a pen to record a useful recommendation I hear.

提案: The opening sentence contains an incorrect and sensitive word ('autistic') used inappropriately — avoid such mistakes. Start with a clear topic sentence about drawing, and keep details specific and relevant. Remove unrelated or potentially offensive terms. Keep within four sentences and add a linking word for clarity.

例: As a child I loved drawing on any paper I could find. I often sketched dolls and their outfits and spent hours creating simple clothing designs, which helped me relax and imagine stories about the characters.

× Crafting has not been a big part of my life because ever since I was a child I was always more drawn to umm, a different mean of art arts like singing and dancing, rather than crafting.

✓ Crafting has not been a big part of my life because, ever since I was a child, I was always more drawn to different means of art, like singing and dancing, rather than crafting.

Problems: 'a different mean of art arts' is incorrect word choice and number agreement. Use 'different means of art' or 'different art forms'. Also add commas after introductory phrase and around 'ever since I was a child' for clarity. Suggestion: replace 'a different mean of art arts' with 'different means of art' or 'different art forms' and insert commas to separate clauses.

× Not really, because technology has become so advanced, I find sending online messages more convenient and it helps preserve those messages because I tend to lose physical letters very easily. I do write birthday cards still though.

✓ Not really, because technology has become so advanced, I find sending online messages more convenient and it helps preserve messages since I tend to lose physical letters very easily. I still write birthday cards, though.

Problems: word order and redundant article 'those messages' is unnecessary; 'I do write birthday cards still though' is awkward. Suggestion: use 'preserve messages' and move 'still' before 'write' and place 'though' at end; keep present tense consistency.

× Yes, but I think it varies between different age groups because younger generations tend to use their electrical devices more and older generations use physical handwritten letters to communicate with one another.

✓ Yes, but I think it varies between age groups because younger generations tend to use electronic devices more, while older generations use handwritten letters to communicate with one another.

Problems: 'electrical devices' is incorrect collocation; 'physical handwritten letters' is redundant ('handwritten' implies physical). Suggestion: use 'electronic devices' and remove 'physical' and add 'while' for contrast.

× No, I don't, but I feel like it's a really good habit to carry paper and pens with you outside because you can't predict what will come your way, and you might be able to jot down some notes about just random things that you learn when you cross paths with them.

✓ No, I don't, but I feel it's a really good habit to carry paper and a pen when you go out because you can't predict what will happen, and you might be able to jot down notes about random things you learn when you meet people.

Problems: 'carry paper and pens with you outside' awkward; 'carry paper and a pen' is clearer. 'what will come your way' is informal; 'what will happen' is better. 'cross paths with them' is vague pronoun use. Suggestion: use 'meet people' and remove filler words like 'just'.

× Although I didn't consider myself very autistic, when I was a child, I used to draw on any kinds of paper I could find at home.

✓ Although I didn't consider myself very artistic, when I was a child I used to draw on any kind of paper I could find at home.

Problems: 'autistic' is a clinical term and inappropriate here; intended word is 'artistic'. 'Any kinds of paper' is incorrect pluralization with 'any'; use 'any kind of paper' or 'any kinds of paper' with different structure. Suggestion: replace with 'artistic' and use 'any kind of paper' and remove unnecessary comma after 'child'.

× I liked sketching dolls and Barbie figures, especially their clothing items, and would spend hours making simple drawings because it helped me relax and imagine stories.

✓ I liked sketching dolls and Barbie figures, especially their clothing, and would spend hours making simple drawings because it helped me relax and imagine stories.

Problems: 'clothing items' is wordy; 'their clothing' is more natural. Otherwise sentence is fine. Suggestion: simplify to 'their clothing'.