Paper— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant, but it has small grammatical issues and could be more concise and natural. Begin with a direct topic sentence, correct article usage, and avoid redundancy. Add one brief supporting detail using a linking word.

例: Yes. In kindergarten my teacher showed us how to make paper airplanes, paper boats and, my favorite, a paper crane. For instance, I practiced folding cranes at home so I could give them to friends.

提案: The answer communicates the idea but is repetitive and a little unclear. Use a clear topic sentence, avoid repeating phrases, and provide one specific example with linking words. Watch word choice (e.g., "love letters to my parents" is odd).

例: Not often. I rarely write physical letters nowadays, but when I was a child I used to write short, affectionate notes to my parents and to classmates I liked. For example, I once wrote a handmade card for my mother’s birthday.

提案: Your response is relevant but unclear and fragmented with hesitations and mistakes (e.g., "crash lab letters"). Structure your answer: state your opinion, give a clear reason, and one specific example. Avoid filler words and correct noun phrases.

例: Yes, I think many people still keep handwritten letters because they have sentimental value. For instance, I have kept thank-you notes from my parents and a few letters from schoolfriends for many years.

提案: Good concise answer with clear reason. Improve by making the topic sentence more natural and adding a brief specific example with a linking word. Keep it to one or two extra sentences max.

例: Yes, I usually carry a small notebook and a pen because I like to take notes on tasks and things I learn. For example, I jot down ideas or reminders during meetings or while reading.

提案: The answer is vivid and specific but slightly informal and could be expressed more naturally. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct repetition, and use linking words to explain briefly. Avoid slang like "joker" if aiming for formal clarity.

例: I liked playing pranks with paper when I was a child. For example, my friends and I would crumple paper into small balls and use a straw to shoot them at each other during playtime.

× Back when I was in kindergarten, my teacher taught us how to make paper airplanes, paper boats, and one of my favorite a paper crane.

✓ Back when I was in kindergarten, my teacher taught us how to make paper airplanes, paper boats, and one of my favorites, a paper crane.

The phrase 'one of my favorite a paper crane' incorrectly includes the article 'a' after 'one of my favorites'. Use 'one of my favorites, a paper crane' or 'my favorite, a paper crane'. Remove the extra article and add a comma for clarity. Suggestion: Use 'one of my favorites' followed by a comma and the example.

× I barely write them now, but when I was in elementary school I used to write love letters to my parents love and I used to write love letters for my crush and I would usually give them my love letter.

✓ I barely write them now, but when I was in elementary school I used to write letters to my parents and to my crush, and I would usually give them my letters.

The original sentence is repetitive and has misplaced words ('parents love', 'love letters for my crush', 'give them my love letter') causing confusion. Simplify and parallel the items: 'letters to my parents and to my crush' and use the plural 'letters' to match 'them'. Also remove redundant 'love' and duplicate phrases. Suggestion: Keep parallel structure and consistent plural/singular forms.

× I believe so because I usually give the letters I've received in the past years.

✓ I believe so because I usually keep the letters I've received over the years.

The verb 'give' conflicts with the intended meaning of preserving letters; context shows the speaker meant 'keep'. Also 'in the past years' is unnatural; use 'over the years'. Correct verb choice and prepositional phrase improve clarity. Suggestion: Choose verbs that match the intended meaning and use 'over the years' for duration.

× For example, I have kept my crash lab letters.

✓ For example, I have kept my grade school letters.

'Crash lab letters' is unclear and likely a mispronunciation or error. To correct grammar, replace unclear noun with an appropriate one that fits context such as 'grade school letters' or 'class letters'. Ensure noun choice matches intended meaning. Suggestion: Use clear, standard nouns; verify spoken content if uncertain.

× My parents, uh, thank, thank you letter. I've received them and kept them for a very long time.

✓ I have received thank-you letters from my parents and kept them for a very long time.

The original fragments are disordered and include fillers. Combine into a single clear sentence: 'thank-you letters from my parents' and use 'them' to refer back to 'letters'. Maintain subject-verb order and eliminate filler repetitions. Suggestion: Reorder fragments into a grammatically complete sentence.

× Yes, I do, because it requires me to keep notes of what I'm doing and what I'm learning.

✓ Yes, I do, because it helps me keep notes of what I'm doing and what I'm learning.

'Requires me to keep notes' is grammatical but sounds odd for carrying paper and pens; 'helps me keep notes' is more natural. This change preserves present tense and correct verb usage. Also 'requires' demands an object—contextually 'helps' fits better. Suggestion: Use verbs that naturally express purpose or benefit in context.

× I was a joker back when I was a kid. I used to make paper bullets.

✓ I was a joker when I was a kid. I used to make paper bullets.

Original 'back when I was a kid' is acceptable but 'back when' is informal and redundant with 'when'; removing 'back' makes it cleaner. Tense 'used to' correctly indicates past habitual action. Suggestion: Prefer concise phrasing: 'when I was a kid'.

× So we crumpled the paper into little balls and we we put them in straw to spit them out for other people.

✓ So we crumpled the paper into little balls and put them in straws to spit them out at other people.

There is a duplicated 'we' and incorrect preposition/article use: 'in straw' should be 'in straws'. Also 'spit them out for other people' is better expressed as 'at other people' to indicate direction. Fix pronoun duplication and pluralize 'straws'. Suggestion: Remove duplicated words, pluralize countable nouns, and use correct prepositions to show direction.