Headphones— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid hesitations and fillers (uh, umm). Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Replace vague wording like “lengthy” with the intended word (e.g., “playlists” or “albums”).

例: Yes. I usually wear headphones when I commute to work because I enjoy listening to jazz playlists; they help me relax and calm my nerves before the day begins.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence naming the type, then give two specific reasons or features. Avoid repetition and unfinished sentences. Use linking words (for example, because, so) to connect ideas.

例: I use wireless earphones because they are convenient and compact. For example, they fit in a small charging case and connect to my phone automatically, so I can start listening quickly.

提案: Give a direct answer and organize supporting details with linking words. Avoid repeating phrases and correct grammar (e.g., “on my day off”). Mention specific occasions briefly.

例: I usually use headphones during my daily commute and also on my days off when I want to listen to music and relax at home or while walking.

提案: Be careful with word choice and give a clearer, less extreme explanation. State the condition directly, then support with a reason. Use safer phrasing like “crowded” and “safety concerns.”

例: I would avoid using headphones in very crowded or busy trains because of safety concerns and to stay aware of my surroundings.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence stating your opinion, then explain conditions with specific comparisons. Avoid unclear phrases and correct grammar (e.g., "in-ear earphones" vs "over-ear headphones").

例: It depends. In-ear earphones can become uncomfortable after long use, but over-ear wireless headphones are much more comfortable for extended listening because they cushion my ears.

× Yes, I usually wear headphones when I commute to work because I like to listen to music, especially jazz or lengthy uh, which helps me relax and umm, calm my nerves before the day starts.

✓ Yes, I usually wear headphones when I commute to work because I like to listen to music, especially jazz or lengthy pieces, which help me relax and calm my nerves before the day starts.

The relative clause modifies 'pieces' (plural), so the verb should be 'help' not 'helps'. Also 'lengthy' requires a noun such as 'pieces' to be grammatical. Remove filler words and redundant commas for clarity.

× Well, I use, uh, wireless earphones, uh, because it's, it's, it's convenient for me.

✓ Well, I use wireless earphones because they are convenient for me.

Subject 'wireless earphones' is plural, so the pronoun and verb should be plural ('they are'). Reduce stuttering and filler words to produce a grammatically correct and fluent sentence.

× They are in a small, uh, box.

✓ They come in a small case.

The original sentence is literal but awkward. 'Come in a small case' or 'are in a small case' is clearer. 'Box' is acceptable but 'case' is more typical for earphones; remove filler 'uh'.

× If you want to listen to music it, it just take it to your phone and connect to the phone and.

✓ If you want to listen to music, you just take them to your phone and connect them.

Pronoun agreement: refer to 'earphones' with 'them'. Verb phrase should be 'take them to your phone' is informal but clear; better: 'you just pair them with your phone and connect.' Remove trailing 'and' and filler repetition.

× Oh, so like I mentioned before, I use my wireless headphones when I commute to work, umm, over when I, uh, or when I or when I day off.

✓ Oh, as I mentioned before, I use my wireless headphones when I commute to work or when I have a day off.

The original has repeated fragments and missing verbs ('have') in 'day off'. Replace 'over when I' and repeated 'or when I' with 'or when I have a day off' for grammatical correctness and clarity.

× I want to listen to music and relax myself.

✓ I want to listen to music and relax.

In English, 'relax' is usually intransitive; 'relax myself' is nonstandard. Use 'relax' alone or 'relax myself' only in limited emphatic contexts. Prefer 'relax' here.

× If, uh, when I commute to work, the carriage is so clouded, I wouldn't wear my headphones because there are more and more, umm, incidents in carriage like, uh, people kill somebody like this, so I don't wear headphones.

✓ If, when I commute to work, the carriage is very crowded, I wouldn't wear my headphones because there are more and more incidents on the train, such as assaults, so I don't wear headphones.

Multiple errors: 'clouded' is wrong word; use 'crowded'. Use 'on the train' or 'in the carriage' rather than 'in carriage'. 'People kill somebody like this' is ungrammatical and unclear; rephrase to 'such as assaults' or 'violent incidents'. Remove fillers and simplify sentence structure.

× Umm, it depends if I wear what is earphones, I think it's umm, still uncomfortable for a long time, but if you wear a headphones on my hat, uh, it's, it's great.

✓ It depends on the earphones I wear; I think they are uncomfortable for a long time, but if I wear headphones over my hat, they are great.

Several problems: 'depends if I wear what is earphones' is ungrammatical—use 'depends on the earphones I wear'. Agreement: 'earphones' plural → 'they are'. 'Wear a headphones' incorrect article usage and noun number—use 'wear headphones' or 'wear a pair of headphones'. 'On my hat' likely intended 'over my hat'.

× Uh, then then wireless headphones.

✓ Also, wireless headphones are convenient.

Original is a fragment and repeats 'then'. Provide a full sentence with correct subject-verb agreement: 'wireless headphones are'. Improve cohesion by adding a clear verb and removing repetition.