Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific example and a linking phrase. Avoid repetition and grammatical errors (e.g., "an uplifting music" → "uplifting music").

例: I prefer happy or sad music depending on my mood. For example, when I feel upbeat I like uplifting genres like jazz or pop because they energise me; however, during difficult times I choose soulful, slower songs to help me relax and reflect.

提案: Use correct collocations and more precise language. Begin with a direct statement, use linking words (for example), and give a specific short example. Remove filler words and correct phrases like "music does magic" and "fuel me up."

例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited. For example, when I exercise, upbeat songs lift my mood and give me more energy, helping me push through a tough workout.

提案: Answer directly and use correct tense and structure. Say briefly whether you have taken classes, then explain reasons with a linking word and a specific detail. Avoid unfinished sentences and hesitations.

例: No, I haven't taken formal music classes. Although I tried some online courses, I couldn't finish them because of my busy work schedule, so instead I encourage my children to join online music lessons.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and two concise, specific examples with linking words. Eliminate fillers and fix grammar (e.g., "when I'm travelling for long hours").

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing other activities. For example, I play music while cooking to make the task more enjoyable, and I always bring a playlist when I travel long distances to stay entertained and relaxed.

× Then I prefer an uplifting music, for example jazz or pop.

✓ Then I prefer uplifting music, for example jazz or pop.

'Music' is an uncountable noun here and should not take the article 'an'. Use the adjective 'uplifting' directly before the uncountable noun 'music' rather than 'an uplifting music'. Suggestion: Remove the article when describing uncountable nouns with adjectives (e.g., 'uplifting music').

× Or while I'm going through a devastating or terrible situation in my life that time I am more inclined toward a soulful music just to to soothe myself and to deal with that situation with good mood.

✓ Or when I'm going through a devastating or terrible situation in my life, I am more inclined toward soulful music just to soothe myself and to deal with that situation in a better mood.

Use 'when' instead of the awkward 'while... that time'. 'Music' is uncountable, so drop 'a' before 'soulful music'. Remove the duplicated 'to'. Use 'in a better mood' rather than 'with good mood' to sound natural. Suggestion: Use 'when' for general situations, drop articles with uncountable nouns, and use natural collocations like 'in a better mood'.

× Definitely, music does a magic on me to upload my mood and also to alleviate my stress.

✓ Definitely, music works like magic on me to lift my mood and also to alleviate my stress.

'Does a magic' is incorrect; the idiom is 'work(s) like magic' or 'does magic'. 'Upload my mood' is an incorrect literal translation; use 'lift my mood'. Suggestion: Use established idioms ('work like magic', 'lift my mood') instead of literal or calqued expressions.

× Uh, when I listen music it somehow fuel up me to perform at optimum level.

✓ Uh, when I listen to music it somehow fuels me up to perform at an optimum level.

Use the correct verb pattern 'listen to music' (listen requires 'to'). Subject-verb agreement: 'it' requires 'fuels' not 'fuel'. The object order should be 'fuels me up' rather than 'fuel up me'. Add the article 'an' before 'optimum level'. Suggestion: Remember verb + preposition collocations ('listen to'), ensure subject-verb agreement, and place pronouns in normal object position ('me').

× For example, while I'm doing a workout and I feel bored, I always love to listen my favorite music just.

✓ For example, when I'm working out and I feel bored, I always love to listen to my favorite music.

Use 'working out' rather than 'doing a workout' for naturalness; 'listen' requires the preposition 'to' before its object. Remove the trailing 'just' which is unnecessary here. Suggestion: Use correct collocations ('listen to', 'work out') and avoid unnecessary filler words.

× Not really, I hadn't any formal education in music neither in my city uh there is any kind of music classes are being held.

✓ Not really, I haven't had any formal education in music, nor are there any music classes held in my city.

Use present perfect 'haven't had' to indicate life experience up to now rather than past perfect 'hadn't'. Use 'nor' to connect negative clauses and correct word order for 'are there any music classes' instead of the incorrect 'there is any kind of music classes are being held'. Suggestion: Use present perfect for experiences and maintain correct subject-verb order in existential 'there are' constructions.

× Although I tried online in UH classes but I couldn't complete those due to my hectic schedules.

✓ Although I tried online UH classes, I couldn't complete them due to my hectic schedule.

Remove redundant 'but' after 'although' (cannot use both). Use 'online UH classes' as a noun phrase without 'in'. 'Those' is less natural than 'them' referring to classes. Use singular 'schedule' unless multiple schedules are intended. Suggestion: Avoid stacking conjunctions ('although' with 'but'), use appropriate pronouns, and prefer singular 'schedule' for a general time constraint.

× I always encouraged my kids to participate in online classes uh, so that they can.

✓ I always encourage my kids to participate in online classes so that they can learn and improve.

Tense inconsistency: 'always encouraged' suggests past; use present 'encourage' for habitual action. The sentence is incomplete ('so that they can' what?). Complete the clause with the intended outcome (e.g., 'learn and improve'). Suggestion: Use present simple for habitual actions and always complete purpose clauses ('so that they can...').

× There are several situation why, uh, when I am listening music while performing a particular task, first and foremost, when I do cooking, uh, that time I always love to listen music to make my, uh, that task more, uh, encouraging.

✓ There are several situations when, while I am listening to music during a particular task, first and foremost when I am cooking, I always like to listen to music to make that task more enjoyable.

Use plural 'situations'. 'Listen' requires 'to'. Use 'during' or 'while' to indicate simultaneous actions; 'when I do cooking' should be 'when I am cooking' or 'when I cook'. 'Encouraging' is not the natural collocation for a task; use 'enjoyable'. Remove redundant filler words. Suggestion: Use correct prepositions ('listen to', 'during'), correct noun number, and choose natural collocations ('make a task enjoyable').

× And secondly, why I'm travelling to longer, uh, hours that time I keep a playlist with me.

✓ And secondly, when I'm travelling for long hours, I keep a playlist with me.

Use 'when' instead of 'why' to introduce a time clause. Use 'travelling for long hours' or 'travelling long distances' rather than 'travelling to longer hours'. Suggestion: Use 'when' for time clauses and the preposition 'for' with durations ('for long hours').