Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid awkward phrasing and redundant words (e.g. "not into any kind of the particular music"). Use linking words like "however" or "so" to connect ideas.

例: I don’t have a single favourite type of music; it depends on my mood. For example, when I’m feeling down I listen to sad, reflective songs, but when I’m happy I prefer upbeat pop because it boosts my energy.

提案: Avoid generalisations and incorrect grammar. Give a personal, specific example and use correct tense and subject-verb agreement. Keep it to two or three sentences and use linking words like "for example" or "because" to explain why.

例: Yes, definitely. For example, I listened to an upbeat playlist this morning and it lifted my mood and made me feel more energetic because the rhythm and lyrics are cheerful.

提案: Give a clear, direct answer first, then add concise supporting details with correct word order. Avoid filler words like "I think" unless unsure. Mention when and what you learned to add specificity.

例: Yes, I took music classes in 12th grade because music was my optional subject. I learned basic vocal techniques and some theory, which helped me improve my singing.

提案: Answer directly and simply, using natural phrasing. State the activity and the reason, and give a brief specific example. Avoid wordiness and unclear verbs like "apply some good music."

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing housework because it makes chores more enjoyable. For instance, I usually play a lively playlist on my phone while cooking and cleaning to keep my energy up.

× Well, I am not into any kind of the particular music, but it depends on my moods.

✓ Well, I'm not into any particular kind of music; it depends on my mood.

Original sentence has awkward word order and unnecessary words ('the particular', 'moods'). Use 'any particular kind of music' and singular 'mood' to match 'it depends'. Use a semicolon or conjunction to connect clauses. Suggestion: Simplify phrases and keep subject-verb consistency.

× Whether I am sad, then I prefer to listen sad music and when I'm overjoyed then I do prefer to listen happy music.

✓ When I'm sad, I prefer to listen to sad music, and when I'm overjoyed, I prefer to listen to happy music.

Use 'when' not 'whether...then' for conditional timing. Use simple present 'prefer' for habitual actions. Add preposition 'to' after 'listen'. Remove unnecessary 'do' for emphasis unless needed. Keep parallel structure in both clauses.

× Yes, definitely. Not just only me but the every person who listens happy music don't feel more excited.

✓ Yes, definitely. Not only I, but everyone who listens to happy music feels more excited.

Incorrect pronoun placement and determiners: use 'Not only I' or better 'Not only me' in informal speech but grammatically 'Not only I'. 'the every person' is incorrect; use 'everyone'. Add preposition 'to' after 'listens'. Subject-verb agreement: 'everyone...feels' (singular). Remove 'more' if unnecessary or keep 'more excited' comparing to neutral state.

× Even I as today only in the morning I listen to the happy music which really uplifted my mood.

✓ Even today, this morning I listened to happy music that really uplifted my mood.

Tense inconsistency: 'listen' (present) vs 'uplifted' (past). Use past tense 'listened' to match 'uplifted'. Reorder words for natural expression: 'Even today, this morning' or 'Even this morning'. Use 'that' instead of 'which' for defining clause.

× I think, yeah, as I really remember when I was in class 12th, I was my optional subject was music.

✓ I think so. I clearly remember that when I was in 12th grade, my optional subject was music.

Awkward phrasing and tense: remove redundant 'I was' and reorder to 'my optional subject was music' in past tense. Use 'clearly remember' instead of 'really remember' for clarity. Use '12th grade' or 'class 12' consistently.

× So at that time I used to take music classes because I'm very into music.

✓ So at that time I used to take music classes because I was very into music.

Tense mismatch: 'used to' indicates past habitual action, so follow with past state 'was' rather than present 'I'm'. Keep tense consistent.

× It is my foremost hobby to do whether whenever I am doing my household chores, I firstly open TV and apply some good music that really appeals my mind and then I start doing my household chores.

✓ My main hobby is listening to music; whenever I'm doing household chores, I first turn on the TV and play some good music that really appeals to me, and then I start the chores.

Original sentence contains multiple structural problems: awkward noun phrase 'foremost hobby to do', redundant 'whether whenever', wrong verb 'open TV' (use 'turn on the TV'), 'apply some good music' is incorrect (use 'play'), missing preposition 'to' in 'appeals to me', and redundant repetition of 'household chores'. Break into clearer clauses, maintain parallel verbs, and correct collocations.