Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, correct grammar (use present simple, articles, and word choice). Add one specific reason and an example. Keep to max 4–5 sentences and use a linking word to connect reason and example.

例: I prefer happy music. It lifts my spirits and helps me stay positive throughout the day. For example, I often listen to upbeat pop songs in the morning because they energize me and prepare me for work. Therefore, I usually choose joyful, romantic tunes rather than sad songs.

提案: Answer directly, then contrast types clearly using linking words. Avoid filler words and complete your final thought. Use correct grammar and clearer vocabulary (e.g., "depends on the genre," "relaxed," "energetic"). Provide a concise example.

例: It depends on the genre. Romantic songs tend to feel smooth and relaxing, while rap or electronic music often makes me feel excited and energetic. For instance, I feel more pumped listening to fast rap when I exercise, but calming ballads help me unwind.

提案: Use accurate tense and cleaner sentence structure: state the fact then give two specific details. Replace vague words like "maybe" and correct plural/singular forms. Keep it natural and avoid repeating words.

例: Yes, I took music classes in elementary school. I enjoyed them because we learned to sing together and I had the chance to play the piano. Those lessons helped me appreciate different instruments and basic music theory.

提案: Respond directly, use consistent tense, avoid repetition and fillers, and use linking words to explain reasons. Be specific about which activities and why music helps (e.g., improves focus or relaxation). Keep it within 4–5 sentences.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while reading, studying and traveling. It helps me relax and sometimes improves my concentration, especially instrumental tracks when I study. For example, I play soft piano music on long journeys because it calms me and makes the trip more enjoyable.

× Well for me, I will choose happy music every time I listen to music.

✓ Well, for me, I choose happy music every time I listen to music.

Using 'will' here suggests future intention but the student is stating a habitual preference. Use simple present 'choose' for habits. Suggestion: use simple present for routines and general preferences (I choose, I like).

× I will choose a joyful, a romantic happy music because it will make my mood greater and have a good day.

✓ I choose joyful, romantic music because it improves my mood and helps me have a good day.

Several issues: 'a joyful, a romantic happy music' is incorrect word order and articles; 'music' is uncountable so no 'a'; adjective order should be 'joyful, romantic music'; 'will make my mood greater' is unnatural and uses 'greater' incorrectly — use 'improves my mood'; 'have a good day' needs a helping verb 'helps me have a good day' or 'so I have a good day.' Use present simple for habitual statements.

× Umm, I think it's based on, uh, which type of music?

✓ Umm, I think it depends on which type of music it is.

'It's based on' is incomplete and awkward. Use the full idiom 'depends on' and include a clause 'which type of music it is.' This corrects sentence structure and clarity.

× If you say romantic music, I think it's more feel like, umm, smooth and relaxed.

✓ If you mean romantic music, I think it feels smoother and more relaxing.

Problems: 'it's more feel like' is ungrammatical; use 'it feels' with adjectives. Choose comparative/adverb forms correctly: 'smoother' and 'more relaxing' or 'smoother and more relaxed' depending on meaning. Keep verb-subject agreement: 'it feels'. Use present simple for general statements.

× If you listen to maybe rap, I think yeah, that will feel more exciting and.

✓ If you listen to rap, I think it will feel more exciting.

Sentence ended with 'and' leaving it incomplete. Remove filler 'maybe' or place it properly ('maybe rap'). Maintain subject 'it' to refer to 'rap' and complete the sentence. 'Will feel' is acceptable here when comparing present reactions, but present simple 'feels' can also be used.

× Yes, when I was a kid in elementary school, we already have music classes before already and I love music classes because we can sing a song and maybe play pianos.

✓ Yes, when I was a kid in elementary school, we already had music classes, and I loved music classes because we could sing songs and maybe play the piano.

Tense inconsistency: 'when I was a kid' requires past tense 'had' and 'loved' and modal past 'could'. 'We already have' is present and wrong. 'Sing a song' is acceptable but plural 'sing songs' is more natural. 'Play pianos' is incorrect: use 'play the piano' for the instrument generically. Remove duplicate 'already'.

× Yes, I really like listening to music when I when I was maybe reading, studying or traveling because it make my mood so relaxed and I can focus on what I want to do and it made me feel good.

✓ Yes, I really like listening to music when I am reading, studying, or traveling because it makes me feel relaxed and helps me focus on what I want to do.

Mixes present and past: 'when I was maybe reading' should be present 'when I am reading' to match 'I really like'. Verb agreement: 'it make' should be 'it makes'. Remove redundant 'when I' and avoid switching to past 'it made me feel good'; keep consistent present tense. 'Helps me focus' is more natural than 'I can focus' in this context.