Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid filler words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific reason and a brief example. Use linking words (for example, because/so) and avoid repetition.

例: I prefer happy music. As a teacher in Hong Kong, I work long hours and often feel stressed, so upbeat songs help me relax and lift my mood after a busy day.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and add one specific detail about when and how it helps. Remove repetition and use a linking word to connect the reason and the effect.

例: Yes, it does. For example, when I'm commuting to work in the morning, upbeat music wakes me up and boosts my energy, so I arrive feeling more alert.

提案: Organize the answer: state the fact, give a brief timeline, and finish with a clear result. Avoid unfinished sentences and ensure coherence with linking words (for example/after that).

例: Yes, I have. I started piano lessons at five, and around grade six I also learned violin, flute and clarinet. As a result, playing instruments remains a relaxing hobby that helps me unwind after teaching.

提案: Begin with a clear statement, then give a specific situation and effect. Use linking words to make the cause-effect clear and avoid vague phrases like 'a lot'.

例: Yes, I do. For instance, when I mark homework after school, I often play background music because it reduces boredom and helps me concentrate on the tasks.

× I prefer happy music because as a teacher in Hong Kong, I am under a lot of pressure, such as working long hours, so listening to happy music can calm me down and, uh, relax my mind.

✓ I prefer happy music because, as a teacher in Hong Kong, I am under a lot of pressure, for example working long hours, so listening to happy music can calm me and relax my mind.

The sentence had punctuation and structure issues: missing comma after introductory phrase 'because', redundant filler 'uh', and awkward phrase 'calm me down and, uh, relax my mind.' Combine and simplify to 'calm me and relax my mind.' Use 'for example' to introduce 'working long hours.' This improves clarity and flow.

× Yes it does, especially when I am commuting to work. I listen to happy music so that it can wake me up from from tiredness.

✓ Yes, it does, especially when I am commuting to work. I listen to happy music so that it can wake me up from tiredness.

There is a repeated word 'from from' (typo) and 'wake me up from tiredness' is awkward; however it fits present continuous context. Removing the duplicate and keeping 'wake me up when I am tired' would be even better. Grammar problem relates to present participle usage 'commuting' which is correct; the error is a typo and awkward collocation.

× Yes, I have. I learned the piano when I was five years old and when I was grade 6 I started to learn violin, flutes and clarinet.

✓ Yes, I have. I learned the piano when I was five years old, and when I was in Grade 6 I started to learn the violin, the flute and the clarinet.

Minor issues: add 'in' before 'Grade 6' and use articles 'the' with specific musical instruments and correct plural forms: 'flute' singular; list consistency. Past tense 'learned' and 'started' are correct; errors are article and noun form.

× I found it very relaxing every time when I teach, when I.

✓ I find it very relaxing whenever I teach.

The original mixes past and present and is incomplete ('when I.'). Context indicates habitual action, so present simple 'I find' and 'whenever I teach' are appropriate. Remove the unfinished clause.

× Yes I do. I am currently a teacher in Hong Kong and I need to mark a lot of homework so when I feel bored then I will listen to music because it helps me to be more concentrated.

✓ Yes, I do. I am currently a teacher in Hong Kong and I need to mark a lot of homework, so when I feel bored I listen to music because it helps me concentrate.

Use simple present 'I listen' for habitual actions rather than 'I will listen' which implies future. Also 'helps me to be more concentrated' is awkward; use 'helps me concentrate.' Add commas for clarity and remove unnecessary 'then.'